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Help Can asking too frequently about ones well-being, be a sign of inattention/unawareness?

Fearabhata

Kouhai
2 Jan 2022
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Hello everyone :)

So, I have tried to learn about the japanese mindset, history and culture since even longer than I actually learn the language.

One aspect is the social interaction between people, and the refined peculiarities, and mannerism.
As you probably remember, I frequently visit the people in their restaurant, with whom I am on really friendly terms for now. In the beginning we greeted eachother always in a casual way, "Ogenki desu ka?/Daijobu desu ka?" and so on.. It was fine, to the point to get warm with eachother.
However, I feel like this form of interaction are mostly superficial, and maybe even superfluous especially when I am there so often. Maybe I needlessly ponder about it, but asking too much "how are you?" seems off, in the sense that one doesnt pay intention how the other is feeling, and should be used only sparingly. Therefore, recently I just radiate an awkward smile with a nod when the staff ask me this, and I feel guilty when not responding accordingly. I prefer to ask this only when I actually see a shift in their demeanor, but this is perhaps just the "old" way.

I would be very grateful, if You could translate this into Japanese, in one form or another, because I really want to convey the way I feel it, without seeming too harsh/rude:

"I try to avoid to ask too frequently how you feel, not because I don't care, but to not appear like I do not pay attention"
 
Have you tried the Line app. Good discussions on there. It's called "Journey ( free talk ) but others exist too.
 
I wouldn't say it's so much "a sign of inattention/unawareness", but it could easily come off as kind of weird if you're overusing it.

"Ogenki desu ka?" is a phrase most often used as a semi-formal greeting in letters or emails. A variation "Ogenki deshita ka?" (="How have you been?") also works as a greeting to a not-extremely-close-friend or acquaintance you're seeing for the first time in a while. It's not something you use as a greeting to people you see regularly.

"Daijoubu desu ka?" specifically means "Are you okay?"/"Are you all right?". Like those English phrases, it's something you'd typically only ask if you suspect that the person isn't all right in some way, i.e. you're worried/concerned for them. If you're asking people at a restaurant "Daijoubu desu ka?" all the time, it would kind of come off like you're paranoid and you always think that people are having trouble/distressed in some way.

Natural greetings in Japanese would just be the standard Ohayou gozaimasu/konnichiwa/konbanwa (or "Otsukaresama desu" to colleagues in a work environment), maybe a comment on the weather or something, and then just going on to talk about whatever. If you're using "Ogenki desu ka?" or "Daijoubu desu ka?" as a fill in for the English "How are you?" and saying it to people you see every day (or at least fairly often), it may be awkward (though of course they'll probably understand if you're not a fluent Japanese speaker).

Casually among friends, "Choushi dou (desu ka)?" or "Saikin dou (desu ka)?" are idiomatic Japanese expressions with a similar nuance to "What's up?"/"How have you been lately?", but in general, it's probably best to think of Japanese aisatsu as their own thing and not assume that greetings are going to take the exact same form as they would in English or your native language.

I would say this is more a matter of language and custom than it is about "the Japanese mindset". Different languages/cultures express themselves with different expressions.
 
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I think if they initiate it, you should reply in kind. In English if we say "How's it going?" and respond with just an awkward nod, that makes it all the more awkward. Especially if you used to respond and say "I'm fine, how are you?" Anyway my recommendation is to continue responding as you had until you have something else to say. There's no need to worry about overusing that phrase. The general usage is similar to the "How are you? I'm fine" pattern. No one really expects you to say you're not fine and then have a conversation about how you're feeling. It's true that it is a superficial interaction but it's also friendly.

Leaving the cultural concerns aside, what would you be saying at a German restaurant if you were visiting so frequently?
 
I wouldn't overthink it. These kinds of repeated formalities are just a way of politely acknowledging each other's existences. They are not intended to be meaningful conversation starters, or conversations in themselves. It is just a way of greeting each other.

In Japan, you might be surprised at the repetition of some phrases. I mean, from late May to the end of September, every conversation seems to start with, "Hot isn't it?".

So if you go into a restaurant once or twice a week, and you are not a native speaker, you are really limited as to what you can say to each other, other than, "Ogenki desu ka?". It's OK. Let it be. You are not relatives, you are not "friends" (even though you are friendly). Don't expect a deeper interaction.

If you become more comfortable with the language, you can chat about the weather, the price of gasoline, etc... But don't be discouraged that you are not discussing Hegelian Dialectic with them. Your vocabulary is limited, and their need to interact with you on a deep level is also limited.
 
If you say "Daijōbu desu ka?" when you visit the restaurant, it means "May I come in?".
 
Leaving the cultural concerns aside, what would you be saying at a German restaurant if you were visiting so frequently?
In Germany the only restaurants I know in my area are called "Kneipe" or "Biergarten", and I do not visit them much, for I neither enjoy drinking beer, nor do I have the company to enjoy such excesses ;)
But that aside, I would say something like "Konnichiwa" and "Mata aete ureshiidesu"
 
If you say "Daijōbu desu ka?" when you visit the restaurant, it means "May I come in?".
This is an excellent point, though I had assumed from the OP's description of the context that he was not asking this as a question immediately upon entering the restaurant, but when making "small talk" with the staff, assuming that it would be an equivalent of an English greeting asking "Are you doing well?"

(In any event, I think the point is made that "Daijoubu desu ka?" is not particularly natural as a general greeting in Japanese.)
 
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