Self confidence

[Davey]

Looking back at my last couple of years, I have done a lot of things (a working holiday in Australia, worked at different companies, moved to Japan, etc) and I have learned a lot from it (which is logical, I mean what's life for, right?).

But, there is one thing that has been bugging me for a while now and I really want to do something about that part. Self confidence. I really think I something miss self confidence, and I think it kind of stops me from moving forward with certain things. One of the main things I miss self confidence in is teaching at this moment, what is weird in one way because I have never had any complaints and to be honest I get compliments from a lot of people around me. Because I am not native-English, I feel a lack of confidence in this area, afraid people will complain about me if they hear mistakes or will think negative about me (as I have said before, I have not received any complains yet in the last 1 year while I was teaching English to children).

I have some other things I lack confident about, and just want to improve myself and think that this part is very important to improve at this moment. I care a lot about what people think about me, what I probably should stop doing and just do things...

So yeah, I wonder what you guys do when you feel out of self confidence.

Any advice would be great ( I don't need any advice for my marriage, though).

 

[SushiShin]

Just do what you have to do! Face the future in positive way's . I'm sure you'll do whatever you you will always do it right. Don't ran out. Think clearly before taking action! we are all here to stick and support you

 

[misa.j]

You are not the only one, Dave!! I sometimes feel like that too, so thanks for starting this thread!

It is hard in my case because even though I am not confident about my skills, I have my pride waay up high which makes it hard for me to admit my mistakes, and sometimes that can be very dangerous as it prevents me from learning. I think it has a lot to do with my stubborness.

Just like you, I used to care about what other people thought of what I said or how I acted, which I don't think is necessarily a bad thing after seeing so many people who are straight up blockheads, however, worrying about it too much made me act hesitant and unsure.

I talk to someone who I can trust when I feel that my self-conficence is low, and also I give myself a really good feedback about what I've done, sometimes I even write things down. That seem to help a lot.

 

[Iron Chef]

Because I am not native-English, I feel a lack of confidence in this area, afraid people will complain about me if they hear mistakes or will think negative about me

Do you have any idea how many times I have heard the exact same words voiced by Japanese students of English? Heh, you'll be fine man. Just take it all in stride. Teaching aptitude comes from experience in the classroom. Sounds like you're doing great so far so just remember that communication is a two-way street and learning is a lifelong process. I learn new things from my students everyday. People can tell you whatever you want to hear but unless you believe in yourself and your own abilities and accept them for what they are, you'll never be confident with yourself.

I care a lot about what people think about me, what I probably should stop doing and just do things...

Doh! that's your first mistake right there... You're not one of those "100 people in a room, 99 who like me, and 1 who doesn't so I spend half the evening focusing on that one person" types are you? You teach long enough you'll soon realize you can't please everybody all of the time. Of course we all care to an extent about what other people think of us or else we wouldn't dress the way we do, act the way we do, live our lifestyles the way we do, etc. Just don't let that be the sole motivating influence in your daily life.

 

[Sarapva]

I think if you're doing what you really want to do, things will fall into place even if you don't feel confident. I don't think it's necessary to feel confident to get things done. Sometimes I think you're even more likely to get things done if you don't feel confident, because that's kind of a motivating force. I've found that when I don't feel confident I get more compliments on what I'm doing than when I feel confident and sure about what I'm doing (because then you could make mistakes, being over-confident). Something I've found helpful when my confidence is really low is to take on a physical task (like cleaning or fixing something, maybe organizing things).

 

[Elizabeth]

One of the main things I miss self confidence in is teaching at this moment, what is weird in one way because I have never had any complaints and to be honest I get compliments from a lot of people around me. Because I am not native-English, I feel a lack of confidence in this area, afraid people will complain about me if they hear mistakes or will think negative about me (as I have said before, I have not received any complains yet in the last 1 year while I was teaching English to children).

Even if some of the students did complain and wanted a native teacher and even in the worst case scenario if an English speaker suddenly became available and you were replaced...try to stand apart from the immediate circumstances and analyze so what -- what does that really prove ? It doesn't say a bit about your performance unless your entire self image is wrapped up in speaking perfect English which obviously is not something you were hired to do and which the administrators and teachers and all those people whose opinions matter so much cannot come close to doing themselves.

In short, as Sarapva said, concentrate on the activities you really enjoy, on the fulfillment of one or two highly meaningful goals, and the confidence to deal with everyday rejections will develop naturally.

Believe that life really is very, very short and that it is everyone's duty to do as much good and while enjoying it as much as possible as they can in the time allotted to them.

Once you get to the point of being able to judge people for what they are, you'll find that most of them are entirely absorbed and entrenched in their own lives, reacting spontaneously to the environment from their own narrow vantage points, pleasing them all is an impossibility....Even excessively worrying about what they might or might not think of you is a huge waste of time and emotional energy in my opinion...Lack of confidence only attacts predators and manipulators, people who live to take advantage of you, so get on with the business of living and people like that be damned.

 

[epigene]

Do you have any idea how many times I have heard the exact same words voiced by Japanese students of English? Heh, you'll be fine man. Just take it all in stride. Teaching aptitude comes from experience in the classroom. Sounds like you're doing great so far so just remember that communication is a two-way street and learning is a lifelong process. I learn new things from my students everyday. People can tell you whatever you want to hear but unless you believe in yourself and your own abilities and accept them for what they are, you'll never be confident with yourself.
Doh! that's your first mistake right there... You're not one of those "100 people in a room, 99 who like me, and 1 who doesn't so I spend half the evening focusing on that one person" types are you? You teach long enough you'll soon realize you can't please everybody all of the time. Of course we all care to an extent about what other people think of us or else we wouldn't dress the way we do, act the way we do, live our lifestyles the way we do, etc. Just don't let that be the sole motivating influence in your daily life.

I agree absolutely!!
Think of all the non-native English speakers teaching English in Japan!! (Japanese teachers of English who've never had any overseas experience nor confidence of interacting with native English speakers... )

I used to work in administration for an English language service (sending off native-speaking teachers to jukus and companies) and the best teacher (meaning ability to teach effectively) was a fine art researcher from Finland...

 

[The-Beautiful-Roses]

I usually just take a breath and think that whatever it is im hesitating to do won't matter a couple years from now (on my reputation) and well... i guess think of the movie The Butterfly Effect everything you do changes things greatly, sometimes in a HUGE way. Try and make a just decision and GO FOR IT!!

 

[Elizabeth]

I agree absolutely!!
Think of all the non-native English speakers teaching English in Japan!! (Japanese teachers of English who've never had any overseas experience nor confidence of interacting with native English speakers... )
I used to work in administration for an English language service (sending off native-speaking teachers to jukus and companies) and the best teacher (meaning ability to teach effectively) was a fine art researcher from Finland...

Yeah, Epigene-san is right. Surely the Japanese you're working for are not going to complain. They're most likely not even going notice your errors !

If the kids' parents are serious about providing the best English possible and want a native teacher to do more than pass a stupid exam, they're gonna have to pay for classes or an international school. It would be the same for American parents trying to raise a bilingual child.

 

[DoctorP]

Dave, there is nothing wrong with worrying about how people see you. That is what often drives people to do better. I always care about how I am viewed. I live in Japan, and associate mostly with Japanese people. I use this to push me to do my best.

As for self confindence, that comes with time. I've been doing the same type of work for 15 years now. I am in all views, an expert, but I have no license, no degree, no physical proof. When I get around others who have credentials or initials after their names, I feel small. Then when we are all working around one another and I realize that they have no idea what the solution to a particular problem is and I point it out to them, I understand that self confidence is something you build with time.

You have to become comfortable with who you are and what you do. The fact that you stand in front of people, or meet complete strangers daily/weekly and teach them speaks volumes for your self confindence. Do not worry so much. I have not met you, but I am certain that you are a very strong willed individual and I have no doubts in your abilities. You shouldn't either!

 

[Kinsao]

I think it's natural to lack in confidence in areas you aren't certain of, that's normal... it's better than thinking you know it all, because then you only end up looking like the biggest idiot. Personally... well, I really can't describe it well, but... I'd say... you have to acknowledge areas you're not so strong in, and work positively on improving them, but without letting it knock your confidence, so you can say to yourself, "Okay, so maybe I'm not 100% perfect at [X] yet, but on the scale I have maybe 80% competence [or whatever], realistically, so I'm gonna get out there and get on with it, every experience makes me learn more, I can acknowledge I'm not 100% so I'm not going to make an *** out of myself, if I am honest with people they will respect my knowledge and abilities that I have already".

Well that's my kind of attitude anyway... even if I know very little about something, if I know my weakness I am confident that I already have a head start on that arrogant b*stard who thinks they know it all, haha.

And after all, doubt in one particular area of your ability is not the same as not having 'self confidence' which is a more general, overall thing compared with confidence in a specific skill to do one thing. (For instance, I'd say I have a high self confidence, but very low confidence in my ability at knitting, because I know I am useless at it!)