"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in
his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
- Author Unknown
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
- Jeff Foxworthy
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
-Marilyn Pittman
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you
how to swim."
- Paula Poundstone
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, 'Oh my God... I could be
eating a slow learner."
- Lynda Montgomery
"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
- George Carlin
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
- Drew Carey
"I think this is how Chicago got started: A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
- Richard Jeni
his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
- Author Unknown
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
- Jeff Foxworthy
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
-Marilyn Pittman
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you
how to swim."
- Paula Poundstone
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, 'Oh my God... I could be
eating a slow learner."
- Lynda Montgomery
"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
- George Carlin
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
- Drew Carey
"I think this is how Chicago got started: A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
- Richard Jeni
LOL!!! those are great! XD These made my day.
