money

[Zero-sen]

It's the age old evil, MONEY!
I'm just curious as to everyone's view on how Japanese/non japanese surmount this problem. My future wife has insisted that we follow th Japanese custom and i cough up my entire pay packet each month to pay the bills etc and recieve an allowance. Me......I ain't so keen. But how do ypou politely tell her to get a grip!! I've tried being diplomatic and saying we can split the bills 50/50 but this is not an option for her. SO ladies and gents, opinions please!! :?

 

[Spaceghost]

So she has a job, but wants you pay for all the bills while she keeps her money?

It is best to pay your bills so they don't add up, instead of spending that moeny in the pub

 

[Zero-sen]

Yeah she works too but i think she's toying with the idea of being a house wife. I've no problem with the Japanese way if she leaves her job.........BUT if she stays on at work she still wants the japanese way. Though......to be fair she did offer to pay for my new Motorbike!!!

 

[DoctorP]

If she agrees to put her money into a "joint account" I don't see a problem with it. But if she is planning to sock her money away just in case it doesn't work out, then no way!

 

[budd]

hahahahahaa! what is the term for that? kozukae? edit: o-kozukai i guess... お小遣い
and that is part and parcel of being married to a native Japanese person?
my opinion is to get out of that american mode of thinking someone is always going to cheat a brother (sorry for my generalization, but is a man worried she is gonna skip with the cheese? if i'm wrong in this assumption, please PLEASE ignore), and let thet money go
it is also my opinion that this aspect of marriage is ingrained in her consciouness (sp?) and WILL NOT GO AWAY -- ie: it will come up again and again in arguments...
therefore i would concentrate the fight/battles in more important areas -- such as certain other aspects of the relationship going bye-bye after the first kid...

btw, i got co-workers that have to get permission from their wives to buy a three dollar gravispad -- and i'm in america...
good luck

 

[Eternal Wind]

Sounds kinda strange but I think u should do this onky if u two are officially married...safer that way~ haha...Am i talkingtrash?

 

[Grandpa Frank]

Less Hassle !!

I just turn over my paycheck, but keep some cash for spending money. It's worth it not to have to worry about paying the bills! It took 10 years before I trusted her enough to do it that way, I have to admit. 27 years of marriage the end of this month, and she hasn't run away
yet?

Frank

 

[kirei_na_me]

My husband asks me before he buys anything! I have been married to a Japanese person for 7 years, and I still can't get used to it. To me, it's his money, but to him, it's our money. I insisted that he manage the checking account, though, because he is so much more organized than I am. I once commented to him that didn't he think he was lucky to have a wife that would let him manage his own money, and his response was, "I don't know about that". That's just the way they are, though.

I'm kind of with budd on this one.

 

[Buddha Smoker]

My wife is Japanese and she is excellant with money. If it wasn't for her then we'd probably be in the poor house. I suck with money if it belongs to me. It will burn a hole right in my pocket before I know it.

I trust that my wife knows better and I have to ask before I spend anything but it's for the better.

 

[Ewok85]

If your in Japan and shes Japanese then I'd let her have it, be better off (like Buddha Smoker says lol).

Its not unusual in Aus for the wife to rule over the bank account with an iron rule. I know my Dad has to ask for anything he wants

 

[DoctorP]

my opinion is to get out of that american mode of thinking someone is always going to cheat a brother (sorry for my generalization, but is a man worried she is gonna skip with the cheese? if i'm wrong in this assumption, please PLEASE ignore), and let thet money go

I didn't mean my comments to come across that way. If she is not willing to commit her income to the relationship, then maybe she is not willing to commit fullly either.

Maybe I missed the focus of the post. If you are strictly speaking of her controlling the finances, then I agree that is the best way. My wife doesn't like having the money. I keep the checkbook, but she has a debit card. She buys what she needs and lets me know how much it costs. Neither one of us makes any major purchases without the others input! My wife controls our Japanese bank accounts, and with that I can see why she doesn't want the checkbook. If she has money, she wants to spend it! I tend to be the same way, but I have goals right now and those goals involve money. If I spend everything I make, I will never build the house that I want!

 

[Buddha Smoker]

Neither one of us makes any major purchases without the others input! My wife controls our Japanese bank accounts, and with that I can see why she doesn't want the checkbook. If she has money, she wants to spend it! I tend to be the same way, but I have goals right now and those goals involve money. If I spend everything I make, I will never build the house that I want!

I think I see what you are saying. You mean to say that you make your money and she makes here and you guys spend it like that (probably with the responsibility of paying bills, rent, etc. to you)?

This is just my opinion but if your married then all money should go together and used accordingly. If you use it separate then where is the trust? I could argue with my wife about when I want to use money but I know that it burns a whole in my pocket. In our case, I cash my check and give all the money to my wife. Now, we use my income to live off of and put hers in the bank for savings, etc.

My sister-in-law and her husband separate their money. He uses his and she uses hers and they divide the bills up evenly (rent, utilities, savings, etc.) but neither knows how much each is spending and more often than naught it turns into a problem that the family has to solve.

Well, that was my two yen but I'll take it back later...after all, I didn't ask my wife if I could use it.

 

[Brooker]

You should reach an agreement with your wife, but she shouldn't demand that it be that way. She has to realize that she's not marrying a Japanese man and that you are not going to want to do everything the Japanese way, just as it wouldn't be right to expect her to do everything the way of your culture. If you're uncomfortable doing it the Japanese way, you should try to find another way that the both of you will be happy with. If she is completely unwilling to compromise then she will probably be uncompromising on many other issues. A marriage should be a give and take, you shouldn't have to just yield to her ways.

On the other hand, if she's good with money, it might be nice to not have to worry about it. However, I wouldn't go along with getting an allowance from money that I earned. I'm an adult and pretty responsible with money, so I don't think I'd need someone there to keep me in check. You'll have to judge the situation (her abilities with money vs. yours) for yourself. Gambatte!

 

[Buddha Smoker]

You should reach an agreement with your wife, but she shouldn't demand that it be that way. She has to realize that she's not marrying a Japanese man and that you are not going to want to do everything the Japanese way, just as it wouldn't be right to expect her to do everything the way of your culture. If you're uncomfortable doing it the Japanese way, you should try to find another way that the both of you will be happy with. If she is completely unwilling to compromise then she will probably be uncompromising on many other issues. A marriage should be a give and take, you shouldn't have to just yield to her ways.

On the other hand, if she's good with money, it might be nice to not have to worry about it. However, I wouldn't go along with getting an allowance from money that I earned. I'm an adult and pretty responsible with money, so I don't think I'd need someone there to keep me in check. You'll have to judge the situation (her abilities with money vs. yours) for yourself. Gambatte!

But, I say that women are usually better at money than us men...just my opinion.

 

[Zero-sen]

Thanks for the comments people. I know what you're all saying and as far as "other aspects" going bye bye that's never been an issue, infact she is the one who DEMANDED it didn't stop, but that's OT Commitment has also never been an issue with us either, she's been 100% since the start, infact i feel more secure with her than i ever did with any of my western girlfriends. Maybe i should have mentioned she's..........AN ACCOUNTANT!!!! But I think it's just that i'm so used to dealing with my own money. Maybe it's time to try something new, afterall i'm getting a bike as a wedding present!!!

 

[Buddha Smoker]

Thanks for the comments people. I know what you're all saying and as far as "other aspects" going bye bye that's never been an issue, infact she is the one who DEMANDED it didn't stop, but that's OT Commitment has also never been an issue with us either, she's been 100% since the start, infact i feel more secure with her than i ever did with any of my western girlfriends. Maybe i should have mentioned she's..........AN ACCOUNTANT!!!! But I think it's just that i'm so used to dealing with my own money. Maybe it's time to try something new, afterall i'm getting a bike as a wedding present!!!

Well, You can't go wrong with an accountant...double your fun