- Thread starter
-
- #26
Haha, yes, I've heard this is common. Certainly not an arrangement I'd ever consider doing, but each to their own.
Haha, yes, I've heard this is common. Certainly not an arrangement I'd ever consider doing, but each to their own.But in most cases when married to a Japanese wife, she would manage all the family finances and that could mean she would give you a monthly allowance.
Yes, this is exactly where we're at - in no rush, and calmly considering financial/legal implications.I don't know why everyone thinks you should just up and get married if that's what you're thinking about because unless it's a religious issue for you, if waiting is better financially perhaps it makes sense. I think when you decide to go back to your home country together, being married will be important for her getting a residency visa but other than that if you're happy with the way things are-what's the rush?
That's absolutely true in terms of my ability to work, live here etc.Based on the fact that you have PR it does not matter if you do not get married.
I think the financial side of things is a major consideration, as neither of us would be marrying for religious reasons. We can be together regardless of whether we marry or not.Why are you so concerned about the financial side of things, you either want to get married or you do not.
That's valuable information. Thanks. I'll investigate this.Living as a family could mean that the total health and pension costs could be reduced as dependents can actually lower the total amount you pay.
Of course I'd be taking on some responsibility, and certainly wouldn't be "turning my back" should I not adopt them. But as they're getting on for adulthood, it's a bit different than if they were only 4 or 5.There is a high chance she would lose benefits that she receives based on her situation as a single mother....
if you get married its obvious you would take on financial responsibility for her children, though if you feel you cannot or do not want to do that then you should not even be considering her as a potential marriage partner...
its no excuse to turn your back on her children should you not adopt them...
I still see these as seperate choices: being together, marriage, responsibility for her children.If you are planning to get together anyway then just get married and accept that being married means taking on the responsibility of her children, if you cannot do that then do not get married.
If you separate marriage as a civil institution from marriage as a lifetime commitment than it makes perfect sense. You don't need "marriage" to make a commitment.Why are you so concerned about the financial side of things, you either want to get married or you do not.
In the U.S. married people can file as a family unit or they can file separately in a special category of "married filing separately." Usually filing as married is beneficial but in some situations filing separately is better. For example if both people have high incomes. Or one has high student loans or medical debt. etc. So I'm guessing that's what he meant.It depends what you mean by "joint". you will need to file taxes, pension payments, etc as a family unit.
Exactly. "If you love her you should get married" is not only old fashioned thinking, it often doesn't work anyway judging by the divorce rates.I don't know why everyone thinks you should just up and get married if that's what you're thinking about because unless it's a religious issue for you, if waiting is better financially perhaps it makes sense. I think when you decide to go back to your home country together, being married will be important for her getting a residency visa but other than that if you're happy with the way things are-what's the rush?
The modern family has changed a lot, so I think it's a question of what feels comfortable for you and what works for you financially and working between the two.
Exactly the reason I'm asking, Shibui! Being legally obliged to provide for their future when I have played no part in their upbringing is not a situation I would choose.Hi Pavinder
Looks like you are going into this with your eyes wide open and not wearing rose coloured glasses.
Given the kids are mid teens is it worth waiting until they hit 18 at which time they will legally be adults. I have teenage kids and their a handful to manage and they are biologically mine. God knows how hard it would be IF you ended up a single father to them were your partner to pass.
Best of luck in the future.
S
Exactly the reason I'm asking, Shibui! Being legally obliged to provide for their future when I have played no part in their upbringing is not a situation I would choose.
I wish you great management over the next few years.
Thanks, Johnny, although I do think it's pretty much what most people in such a position would be thinking.What a guy...!
But as they're getting on for adulthood, it's a bit different than if they were only 4 or 5.
I still see these as seperate choices: being together, marriage, responsibility for her children.
From the children's perspective, they're mid-teens and I'm a relative newcomer from a completely different culture who has played no role in their upbringing - hardly someone they feel to be a parent.
I would be interested to know if you would be approaching this differently had she been a single unmarried woman or a divorcee with children of 4-5 years of age.
Also If you have lived in Japan for 15 years, you should understand the culture by now, but while you may not regard yourself as a parent to her children, you could try to be a friend they look up too.
Hi JT
1. Partly. Financial and future obligations appear to be of concern.
2. Depends on the relationship. I have friends who have lawfully adopted their step children. I have a friend who has very very little to do with his step children and the family is happy with that arrangement. All relationships are different.
3. As for 2. His position is whatever the people in the relationship want it to be. I am lucky and have not been a single parent but again have lots of friends and family who are and have worked in juvenile aid with kids facing these issues.
4. Children can be respectful and obedient and still make the whole family a misery through passive resistance and shutting themselves out.
I respect what you have said and your opinions are valid. I simply think Pavinder is being honest about his expectations and that should be accepted. Sure its not everyones cup of tea or view on how a marriage should be but we are all different.
Cheers
No. And?Are your examples of relationships and children based on those living and being raised in Japan?
Have your children been raised in Japan?
No. And?
If my partner was a single woman without children, of course the situation would be totally different.
We would have far more freedom to have a spontaneous life together, travel, be very flexible in our lifestyle, have more vibrant social lives, with no responsibility for anyone but ourselves.
If she had children 4-5 years of age, I doubt very much we'd be in a relationship. I would not be prepared to accept such responsibility, nor the necessary changes to my lifestyle.
Yes, JT.
You are right.
We are both incredibly selfish and we should end our years-long relationship immediately.
I defer to your psychic abilities and great wisdom.
I wish you a happy life.
But you are not in my position so your opinions, which are completely off the point of this thread, are totally irrelevant here.If I was in your position the children would not be an issue, as you are making them to be.
But you are not in my position so your opinions, which are completely off the point of this thread, are totally irrelevant here.
You are welcome to respond to my questions, but not to spout irrelevant and judgemental speculations.
If you want to discuss your definitions of a "good relationship", please create another thread to do so.
JT, I am not interested in:I am happily married to a Japanese woman and have a wonderful family.
JT, I am not interested in:You are the one that came here for advice concerning your relationship and your partners children and the financial implications.
JT, I am not interested in:As for being judgmental you are the one who stated "If she had children 4-5 years of age, I doubt very much we'd be in a relationship."
The age of the children should not make any difference.