Homesickness - What should I do?

For those of you that don't know, I'm an exchange student living in Japan (surprise surprise). I've been here since August and well, I really want to go home.

I figured when I got here it would be natural to be homesick for a bit, and they say it takes 3 months to adjust. So I gave it time, joined a club, tried to keep myself busy. 4 months later I still really want to go home.

The way I'd been getting through before was to find a point just a little bit in the future and look forward to it. I just had to make it there. My most recent one is Christmas, but with that only two days away I literally have nothing to look forward to until June when I am supposed to head home.

I've been debating it in my head for a long time, and I don't want to look back on this later and regret not staying for the entire trip, and yet...I just really don't like it here. My mom told me to make a list of what I like about Japan, and then suggested I try to focus on that.

So after half an hour of hard thinking I only came up with four things.
1) I like my host family.
2) I like living only a 10 minute walk away from school
3) I like the Japanese language
4) I like anime/manga <--yeah I was getting desperate at this point.

See the only thing there that helps is I can just focus on studying...but I already have been. I mean the school forces me to study Japanese the entire day while I'm there, at home I watch TV and read manga with my dictionary nearby and look up words and ask my JSL teachers about grammar points...but it's just not enough to put up with another 5 months of all this.

The current deal I made with my family is that I would hang out until the end of the Japanese school year. If I make it till March and think I can't stay another 2 months then I can pack it in.

Sorry about that long...thing...above, but basically my question is: does anybody have advice for how I can make it through the next 3 months without going insane? Because right now that seems like forever.

Hang in there, it'll be all right.

Can't your family come and visit you in Japan for Christmas? Or can't you go home for the winter break?

You are extremely courageous to live away from your family at the age of 17. And I really admire your attitude to keep yourself busy studying. I hope everything works out for you, and I'm sure it will.

Japan is very different from Canada, where you are from, and I can totally understand how you are having a difficult time there. You are amazing to stay there as long as you have so far. Your family should be proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself.

Maybe you can have a little fun taking a break from your school work and travel around Japan with your friends for a change, or have a big party with your host family.
You should do something that gives you positive prospective.

And, honestly, I think it's ok for you to go home.

Thank you that was really nice!

My family can't come to visit. I won't get into family issues but my Dad is off in Cuba with my step-mom and didn't leave any contact information so I can't get a hold of him till early January. My mom would love to come and visit, but really can't afford the ticket. Same deal with my travelling - too expensive.

I'll try to hang out with my host family more - they're really great. But everybody is always busy. My host sisters are always at club (yes even during winter vacation) and my host parents own two businesses and are always running between them.

Ganbaru !

ohh poor DragonChan *sends a cyber hug*

I can't say I have been there. I have been away from home for about 3 months now and i still don't feel any home sickness..

But I do admit there were times where I felt so lonely , even while surrounded with my friends at school or my friends at dormitory.

The past few days were so tiring , but , I have went to a Japanese anime event called the "Jump Festa" And it really lifted my spirits up!

I think what you have to do is try new things , stuff you never done before. If you like anime , you could go cosplaying , visit conventions. Try not to imprison yourself in the routine of clubs and studying. Japan is a really wide variaty of options. Now in the winter vacation there are countless things to do .

Perhaps you are trying to create an atmosphere similar to your home so you could kill the home-sickness , buut what you really should do is adapt to a completely new atmosphere. Yes , Japan must be really different than your country back home , so , make use of this difference .

If your host sisters are always buisy for you , you can always get back to me


Good Luck!


Suki-yaki

I think what you have to do is try new things , stuff you never done before. If you like anime , you could go cosplaying , visit conventions. Try not to imprison yourself in the routine of clubs and studying. Japan is a really wide variaty of options. Now in the winter vacation there are countless things to do .

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It sounds really obvious, but try analyzing exactly what it is about your host family that is so attractive. Then, if possible, set out to meet like-minded others, or just have them introduce you to all their friends. Unless they are a super-unique couple, you may find you just haven't been mixing it up enough with the right variety of folks or with the right types of activities. I'd be deathly bored as well submitting every day all day to a 10-minute radius of school and anime, back and forth back and forth, on and on it goes....

Would it be possible for you to hook up with some of the grade three girls who have already secured their places at college or university for the next year? They probably aren't studying very hard, if at all, and perhaps have more free time, especially at the weekends. I know it's not the done thing to hang out with senpai-tachi but...I'm sure any of them with places to study English at university next year might welcome the opportunity to practice their conversation skills - or lack thereof.

And I can guarantee that their wanting to practice English will in no way whatsoever prevent you from more than adequately practicing your Japanese conversation skills at the same time.

I've never ever been homesick but I'm getting sick when I am sitting at home. When I was 16 years old I stayed for 9 months in GB and with 19 years I joined the army (12 months). Now I'm sitting at home and feel the need to travel around the world but can't afford it. Well, I guess I can understand you somehow.

Trying to keep yourself busy is good because you have little time to think about your family and your friends at home. Perhaps if you talk to your host family and explain your feelings, they will do their best to cure your homesickness a little or just do a small x-mas party. Anyway, you are in Japan and I'm sure you once wanted to go there, so try to stay there the whole time. Five months aren't that long and maybe you will never be given the chance to travel to Japan again and then you may regret that you have left earlier.


Jan

How Bout A Part Time Job - Special Assignment

I nominate you the official JREF photographer. Each day after schoole and homework, you must head out to take pictures. Pictures of things you see only in Japan. Plants & trees, buildings of all kinds, students & teachers at school, cars & trucks, any special events, any parks you name it! Close ups of little things, long distance seanic shots, anything & everything. If you don't have a camera & can't beg,borrow, or steal one, buy a cheapie film one that they have everywhere. Make believe you work for National Geographic magazine and OBSSESS about photographing everything and anything you can every second you can. You must become one with the camera and think about nothing else!
OH, by the way, any shots of women with long black hair will be greatly appreciated!!

Uncle Frank

Would it be too much trouble to avoid the things that you dislike? Or is it that you're just impartial to everything there except for the things that you listed? What I mean is are you just bored out of your mind because there is nothing for you to do that you enjoy there, or is it that there are things that you dislike or hate that are driving you crazy?

Everyone's giving you good advice, and here's my two cents...

Most of the people in your grade must be preparing for college entrance and going to "yobiko" or otherwise studying on their own. My kids (presently 20 & 23) used to be bored to death in their 2nd and 3rd years of high school because no one had time to hang around with them. (My kids went to college in the US.) So, I have great sympathy for you, especially because you probably haven't made a large number of friends yet.

A place you can try is the local community center or "jidokan" (children's center), where there are club activities or volunteer work you can participate. My daughter thoroughly enjoyed learning "wadaiko" (Japanese drums) and performed it at college in US, making her a great hit!

You can also become a volunteer teacher for English or any other language you speak. You can make friends with people you cannot meet in the high school environment!

Although all offices and schools will shut down for the New Year holidays soon, you can start by checking out the centers as soon as the holidays end.

Good luck!

Glenn said:

Would it be too much trouble to avoid the things that you dislike?

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窶堋ｻ窶堋､窶堙遺?堙ｱ窶堙??堋ｷ窶堙仰。窶堙?窶堋ｿ窶堙ｫ窶堙ｱ窶堋ｻ窶堙娯?禿｢窶佚ｨ窶堙ｰ窶堙??堋､ﾅ陳ｩ窶堙ｩ窶堋ｩ窶堙債人窶堙俄?堙ｦ窶堙ｩ窶堙仰。ﾂ。ﾂ。ﾅｽ窶樞?堙個湘ｪﾂ坂?｡窶堙債、ﾂ債｡窶堙懌?堙??堙可、窶愿ｺ窶怒窶堙個習ﾅ?ﾂｵ窶堙嫁?ﾂｵ窶堙ｪ窶堙??堋ｵ窶堙懌?堙≫?堙?、窶堋ｱ窶堋ｿ窶堙ｧ窶堙??ｫ窶堋｢ﾅｽ窶凪?堙??堙?窶堋?窶堙懌?堙ｨ窶ｹC窶堋ｪ窶堙や?堋ｫ窶堙懌?堋ｹ窶堙ｱ窶堙ｦﾂ。
窶伉ｽ窶｢ﾂｪﾂ、窶愿ｺ窶怒窶堙?谷ﾆ段ﾆ胆窶堙戸?｡窶堋｢窶堙俄?堙?ﾂ坂?｡窶堙ｭ窶堋ｹ窶堙??堋｢窶堋ｩ窶堙遺?堋｢窶堙??堋｢窶堋ｯ窶堙懌?堋ｹ窶堙ｱﾂ。
窶愿ｺ窶怒窶堙??堙債、窶堋ｽ窶堋ｭ窶堋ｳ窶堙ｱ窶惑窶廨窶堙闇ｽv窶堋｢ﾂ出窶堋ｪ窶伉昶?堋ｦ窶堙懌?堋ｷ窶堙ｦ窶堋､窶堙俄?堋ｵ窶堙??堋ｭ窶堋ｾ窶堋ｳ窶堋｢ﾂ。

Dragonchan窶堙固陳ｾ窶堙≫?堋ｽ窶堙??堋ｨ窶堙ｨﾂ、 ﾆ谷ﾆ段ﾆ胆窶堋ｩ窶堙ｧ窶ｹA窶堙≫?堙??堋ｩ窶堙ｧ
窶堋ｵ窶堙寂?堙ｧ窶堋ｭ窶堋ｷ窶堙ｩ窶堙??堙懌?堋ｽ窶堋ｱ窶堋ｱ窶堙個青ｶﾅ?ﾋ??堙俄?堙?ﾅ?ﾂｵ窶堙ｪ窶堙??堋ｫ窶堙??｢ﾂ≫?凖岩?堙娯?突??愿ｺ窶堙ｰ窶ｰﾃ溪?堋ｲ窶堋ｷ窶堋ｱ窶堙??堋ｪﾂ出窶藩??堙懌?堋ｷﾂ。

Whoa thanks for all the replies. Lets see if I can answer everybody...

Suki-Yaki - Trying new things is a good idea, just want to fix up one thing you said. It's winter vacation, but Japanese students still go to school. There is still club, and practices are much longer. Mine yesterday was 4 hours. (Which was VERY boring because we did a total of 5 different drills in that time...gets very very repetitive.) As well, normal students have to go to extra classes that they have to pay for, I can't remember the name for it at the moment.

Elizabeth - Thanks! My host family is really unique. And they aren't very typically Japanese for the most part. But the idea for looking for people with the same traits that they have is good.

mr.sumo.snr - That's a good idea, I should try to find some third years that already passed, but most of the exams are written in the next few months if I'm not mistaken. So the third years actually stop going to school around mid-late January. They just study at home! Though there might be the odd person who already took one.

sl0815 - Alright. I will try my best to stay here for 5 more months. I haven't told my host family how much I want to go home, because the truth is as homesick as I am...it's more that I really don't like Japan, and so home has become that much more appealing. If that makes any sense. But as for the Christmas party, I'm one step ahead of you. I'm having two other exchange students sleep over on Christmas day, and my hosties bought a christmas tree and everything. We're going to open them tomorrow morning just like I would at home.

Frank D. White - *pulls out camera* Mission accepted.

Glenn - Good question. I am bored in part because of lack of things to do. Everybody in my grade is studying all the time, weekends aren't so bad because I go out and make my own fun...but weekdays I have to go to club. My school doesn't offer any sports I play at home so I had to choose something else, and I did volleyball. Unfortunately it just gets so boring because we practice everyday for 2 hours, and practice is always exactly the same. I can tell you exactly what drill we would be doing at each time.

As for what I don't like. Well, what gets me the most is the xenophobia. I can never relax when I'm outside because everybody stares and it makes it really hard to have any fun when people stare and talk. I also really dislike the school system, and I also face a problem in that I need to use alternate methods for learning things like math and kanji...I don't understand the usual ways. But the school insists that if I just spend a few hours a day I'll be able to read all of them by the time I leave. It's an ongoing fight that makes me feel rather stupid each time they pull me aside. They have very unrealistic expectations when it comes to the other exchange student and I.
In the end...the things that drive me crazy are the ones I have to do everyday.

epigene - That sounds like fun! I should see if there is one around though I don't know when I could go. It's not excess free time that is the problem.

Well that took a while. Thanks everybody. I've decided at the very least to stick it out the three months till March, and then at that point I will probably be able to do another 2.

In the end I suppose the real problem is that the things that really bother me are the things that can't be changed.

Dragonchan, I don't really have any advice to help you, but here is a cyber ((hug))!

I went on an exchange to Japan when I was 17, but that was only for 3 months. I basically enjoyed my time, but once I got sick and went to hospital for 3 days and I really really wanted to go home! so I can understand your feelings a little. Are there any other foreigners you can spend time with? Sometimes it helps to talk with someone who knows what you're going through.
oh, and I know what you mean about staring! I live in Japan now, and I'm very happy here except for the staring!!! I live in a tiny town so i'm hoping they'll get used to me in time....
I hope you'll be able to enjoy the rest of your time here, but if you really are unbearably homesick, then don't feel bad about deciding to go home.
gambatte ne!

poor dragon

Wish I had something intelligent to say that would make it all better, but the only thing I can think of is a bleeding cliché;
Follow your fuggin heart. There's no point in doing something you really dislike, and noone is gonna hate you for quitting.

Of course it never is just as easy as that. If it were you'd be on a plane home right now... sometimes it's hard to know what you want to do...

personally I roll a dice when I'm in a situation like that.. 1-3=option#1 and 4-6=option#2. Then if I feel I don't like the result that was rolled, I know how I feel about it. But then I'm a pretty simple minded guy.

I'll be sending happy thoughts your way, trying to cheer you up.

oh, and can't wait to see the piccies!

I meant the San Nen Sei who already have guaranteed places - in the UK we would call it an unconditional place. They are currently just 'going through the motions' at school every day. Most of them are probably leaving early every day and taking driving lessons or attending computer classes in preparation for university.

Of my eight grade three girls - 6 already have guaranteed places and so no longer have to really bother with school at all - but they still go every day. Three of them will be heading down to Nagoya next April - including my neice who secured an unconditional place at Nagoya University - yes the national university - to study English. I'm as proud as a proud thing!

It sounds like you've made a good go of it, but I say, see it through. If you bail, I think you'll live to regret it. You've got this great opportunity that most people would kill for and a chance to create memories and experiences you'll have forever. What will you do to make that time more worth while if you spend it at home? You'll probably do the same things you did before you went to Japan. I look at it as an issue of, where will you get more out of your time, in Japan, or at home? And if you leave, you may think for the rest of your life that travel just isn't for you. When maybe that's not true. I always find it rewarding to see a difficult situation through. And maybe, by the time you're scheduled to leave Japan, things will have changed to the point that you don't want to go home. But you know youfself better than I do, so you have to make the choice for yourself.

As for dealing with home sickness...
I got home sick while I was in Japan. It didn't last very long but the feeling was very intense. It usually just goes away after a while. Three or four months into my time there was when it hit me and then it just faded away in time. I don't really have a solution, but bonding with the people around you helps.

Thanks everybody! I'm staying as long as I can. If I do go home early it will probably have more to do with my health than anything. I've been sick almost non-stop while I've been here with a series of colds with only a week or two break inbetween. The latest made it so I can't talk...which isn't great for me. My host family is freaking out. I don't want to go to the hospital since I don't think it's the type of thing medicine would really help. With my luck it's probably half mental anyway.

The main thing I think has to do with the Japanese diet, or rather my host families. It is almost entirely meat and carbs...with next to no fruits/veggies. I started going to the nearby supermarket and buying carrots etc and eating them, but it hasn't really helped. My mom also sent a thing of multivitamins for me to take everyday, they haven't done much either. And at this point it's getting a bit ridiculous.

But it's ok, because at least I don't have to go to club today. I get to relax.

Eat Atkin's, weightlift, play DDR, understand that you are living a life people dream of, and think about fun stuff that you could do in Japan that you haven't already. Perhaps you could bust a move and go to parties or else chill and find new friends that are interesting. Like in digimon, the characters all had cool stuff to do with each other. They all had stories and activities and their own lives.......... I think homesickness is in the head. I've never really been homesick. I rather burn this house down. I'd live on the streets if it were warm and legal.

Kamisama said:

Like in digimon, the characters all had cool stuff to do with each other. They all had stories and activities and their own lives.......... .

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Oh my kamisama a digimon fan!!! Come 'ere *Big hug to kamisama* !!

DragonChan I think you should talk to your family about their diet. If they are nice like you say they will understand and probably add some carrots into your food....


I don't think you should ever leave though. But in the end it's your decision. And we will all still love you for it

Suki-Yaki said:

And we will all still love you for it

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Yes, word up!

DragonChan said:

Thanks everybody! I'm staying as long as I can. If I do go home early it will probably have more to do with my health than anything. I've been sick almost non-stop while I've been here with a series of colds with only a week or two break inbetween. The latest made it so I can't talk...which isn't great for me. My host family is freaking out. I don't want to go to the hospital since I don't think it's the type of thing medicine would really help. With my luck it's probably half mental anyway.

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If you have a throat infection prescription medicine is probably going to clear that up faster than anything else - the doctors' bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired but the alternative, to be sick over the vacation, is even less preferable. Plus it'll stop you host family nagging you. Only if you're going to go do so tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest. The hospitals really wind down over the New Year holiday and getting to see a Ear Nose Throat specialist might be difficult. Word of warning - if they prescribe drugs they may come in powder form - they don't taste too bad but are sometimes difficult to imbibe. Mention it and there's always a capsule alternative.

If you're running a fever they love to either put you on an IVD for a couple of hours or give you suppositories to reduce the fever - and reduce it they do - in a flash!

BTW are you washing your hands at least three times a day - in addition to after visits to the bathroom? Really helps me cut down on picking up infections my marvelously germ-ridden students bring into the classroom.

I'm not a big fan of Japanese hospitals and I used to think the IV thing was a joke but they really work! I think the first winter you live here your body is encountering lots of new bugs, I got sick constantly the first winter and since then 5 years and I have only gotten sick once or twice. That is strange about meat and carbs, in my house we eat mostly vegetables and fish and most of my sweeties relatives do too. If somebody was being abusive I'd say leave, but it seems the opposite so I think you gotta stay.

I got homesick during my year in Japan and the thing that helped me through it was remembering that I had wanted to be here, I was the lucky one of hundred of applicants that wanted to go. And if I leave early, how would I feel? Would I ever get a second chance?

After that I drowned myself in club activites and had a whale of a time. You say you do something yourself, care to share? I'd suggest my club, theres alot of variety (was constantly going to other schools for training, competitions, summer camps, holiday camps, learning new things, meeting people and making strong friendships, I even spoke infront of a crowd of a few hundred people at the school open day and gave a demonstration of my art, was a real high )

Well, I just looked up some stuff and it looks like I have laryngitis. YAY. Also, unless it persists for more than a week I'm apparently not supposed to go to a hospital since the most likely cause is that I just killed my vocal cords (which would make sense since I was stupid and went to Karaoke with a sore throat) and that takes time to heal.

My club is Volleyball. It's not bad, but it's just hard to get into a sport I'm not all that crazy about in the first place. At home I played Ringette (imagine Hockey, but better in my opinion), and Soccer. At my school there is only a boys soccer team, and uh...well no ice rinks nearby thus no Ringette. I wanted to do some sort of sport unique to Japan, but my school doesn't offer any. Kinda annoying but not much I can do.

The people in my club are nice. I haven't been going to practice due to above throat problem but I went today for 5 minutes to give the other exchange student something she left at my house a few days back, and to explain that I really am sick. Funny because half the team laughed and started looking at the purikura on my dictionary (i had to type it in since I can't talk) instead of saying anything and the captain thought I was faking and made me try to talk to her. Gotta love these people.

While I'm posting...would any of you know why hotmail isn't working? I haven't been able to e-mail for a week and a half now. I can sign in, and then it gets stuck on five little loading bars as it loads my inbox. [And before any of you say it, yes I know hotmail does suck and that I should switch to something else, but that doesn't get me the e-mails in there that I want to read.] I know there is something to do with cookies that you can do...but I can't figure out what cookies is in Japanese. So can't do too much about it.

I wanna e-mail my friends -_-;;

Have a look at this - http://www.kempo.tv/aichi/annai/sibu.htm - find your closest club and go see what you think. Its different and I enjoyed it alot.