Funerals

[Tsuyoiko]

OK, so this is a very morbid topic. We had two deaths in the family over Christmas, one funeral done, another to come.

It's a couple of years since the last funeral I attended, but I still felt the same: uncomfortable. There was no church service, just a religious service at the crematorium, and it got me thinking. I've never been to a secular funeral. How easy is it to arrange one where you are?

I've no clue here, and I hope I don't find out any time soon

My uncle's funeral will be next week. There will be a church service followed by the crematorium. Strange, since he was an atheist. I can only assume that the family are doing what everyone would expect. I wonder whether non-religious funerals are socially acceptable here yet.

Anyway, since I could get run over by a bus tomorrow, I made sure my husband knows my wishes. I want a secular funeral, even if it does make some people uncomfortable.

I think it's possible to do it without being too blatant about it. I'm not expecting a big announcement about how I was an atheist, and was convinced there's no afterlife. Just a eulogy with no reference to the afterlife and no hymns. Maybe some nice poem instead, something subtly hinting that I'm gone and won't be coming back to haunt anyone ;-)

What about you guys? Has anyone been to a secular funeral? And have you thought about what you want for your funeral?

 

[karlyboo]

I won't patronise you by saying 'sorry' or other such platitudes, but I certainly offer my best wishes and hope that things settle down for you soon. Family losses are a difficult time.

Secular funerals are essentially what you described. No prayers, no hymns, no priest. Think of it like a Eulogy in a news paper; a little about the person, their life and their friends/loved ones remembering the good times perhaps with a favourite piece of music from the deceased.

Sounds pretty good to my ears personally, no religious god-is-great mumbo-jumbo, but a chance for those left behind to say goodbye in a positive way and share a few thoughts and experiences about the person who has gone.

(Anyone who likes the religious stuff, more power to you. Personally I find it mostly patronising and detracting from the actual point of the funeral [i.e. closure]) but to each their own, horses for courses etc.)

Far as my funeral is concerned I won't be there to see it so my loved ones can do whatever they see fit. I'm a registered organ donor so once the doctors have taken whatever might help someone else (might as well be some value in my death) those I leave behind can organise whatever ceremony they fancy to help give them closure and deal with their feelings.

IMO funeral's are purely for the benefit of the relatives.

My only stipulation is that at some point 'The Touch' by Stan Bush is played (I love the '86 Transformers movie, what can I say?) after that I can be buried, cremated and then scattered to the nine vectors, thrown on the compost heap, tbh I couldn't care less.

Theeen the haunting begins! Muhahahaha!

 

[made of stone]

Firstly, I'm very sad to hear about your losses Tsuyoiko san; my best wishes to you all.

In England it's extremely easy to arrange a secular service - I did so for my late Mum just last year. We told the funeral director that we didn't want a religious service at her cremation, and they straight away put us in touch with a humanist to lead the service.

He was excellent, and I think the words he used and the poems he chose would even be thought-provoking and touching for any people in attendance that were of a certain professed religion (although in our case, there were none!)

It was certainly not offensive to those of faith, unless the lack of religious content itself would be enough to offend them. If that were the case, and if it were my service, and they couldn't understand my wishes enough to respect them, then quite honestly I would rather they didn't bother attending!

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

Hmmm.... I have never heard of a purely secular funeral here in Japan, although it almost certainly should be possible.

Seeing as for most people here, religion is less about gods and worship than it is about rituals and events, I would say that in Japan most funerals are largely secular in nature even though they are draped in Buddhist clothing.

 

[akita]

I never been to a secular funeral and I guess there is no way to do that in my country. The only thing that seams close to a secular funeral is if you chose to be burned instead of buried. But it's called secular just because priest are not aloud to go to this funerals. I do have my doubts that God will very concerned because of the way yo chose to be buried.

The true is I don't care the way my funeral is made as long the once i love find a certain peace and can let go live their life and be happy.
Well i would prefer trough not to ave my coffin open which is a custom here older then time itself and probably will not change till i dye. )

 

[Goldiegirl]

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

I would like this poem at my funeral.

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

Just for your information, Goldiegirl, that poem has been translated into Japanese and made into a song by Masafumi Akikawa.
http://www.kdashstage.jp/akikawa/

Here is a site with a midi file of the song that plays when you visit it.
http://utagoekissa.web.infoseek.co.jp/sennokazeninatte.html

 

[Goldiegirl]

Thanks, I had no idea! What a nice surprise....