Dealing with Suicide.

[yukio_michael]

I have a question, that perhaps some of our native Japanese can answer... Suicide seems so prevalent in Japan, maybe some here, Japanese or not have lost someone to suicide.

How do you deal with that? Specifically, how do the Japanese feel about suicide, non ritual suicide? I know from reading Kay Redfield Jamison's book, "Night Falls Fast", a book dealing exclusively with suicide that there are parts in Japan, Mt. Mihara, as well as a black forest whose magnetic earth renders compasses useless, that had become quite "popular" places for people who wish to leave this earth...

The former, a once active volcano, where many have jumped to their death, the latter, a forest where the distraught wander into, with little hope of walking out, lost, forever. These places become mythical, not unlike the United States Golden Gate Bridge.

I ask these questions because I am at the five year anniversary of a close friend's suicide... Part of it is selfish, because in a way I expect some consolation... that's to be expected, right? But I do wish to know, how it is, traditionally, the Japanese treat suicide, as it seems prevalent there.

I'm sorry if this all seems either morbid, off topic, or selfish--- I posted this in community, because you are MY community--- the community I frequent most... and it seemed cheap to put it in Chit Chat...

I hope you'll forgive my questions.

~yui

 

[Sarapva]

yukio michael - I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I don't know anyone close who has committed suicide, but I know of a couple whose son committed suicide quite a while ago (maybe 25 years ago). I never heard of a definite reason why he did it, just vaguely that he had a girlfriend and was distraught about losing her (this was in England). I had met him years before when we were both kids, and when I heard about his suicide I was instantly regretful about teasing him then (he was younger and scrawny, an obvious target for the callousness of us older kids). I wondered if he'd had that kind of trouble all his life, being left out and being too mild-mannered to fight back, and wondered if I'd contributed to that (we older kids played tricks on him and left him out of our "exclusive" circle). I had also experienced that kind of treatment from other kids, and also since then in one way or another by adults, so I can guess how he must have felt then. I wish now that I could have been more kind and generous to him instead of being selfish and jealous, wanting the others' attention for myself and not thinking how he must have felt.

I think someone's suicide is harder to deal with than if they died accidentally or because of illness, etc., because they didn't have to die, and also because of wondering why they did it and whether we could have done something to prevent it. I've often thought that the suicide of someone close must be one of the most difficult things for anyone to face. But of course, as has been said before, we can't control another's actions, and a person who has killed himself has made that decision independent of anyone else. I wish you strength, yukio michael, in dealing with this.

 

[leonmarino]

I'm not sure how the Japanese treat suicide. I once had this discussion with some friends, they all had the idea that it was more common in Japan to commit suicide than elsewhere. It is true that the Japanese had its share of belly-cutting samurais and kamikaze pilots.

However, modern day suicides are not the same things as the "heroic" actions of the past. Moreover, one gives his remaining relatives a lot of trouble, apart from the emotional disaster; if you jump in front of a train, the family gets the bill for the delay caused, and it's calculated per minute. I have stories of families having to pay off debts for the rest of their lives. Also, if you choose to leave life in your own home, your family will have a very very hard time selling the house, and often end up selling the house at a ridiculous discount. (In Japan you have to disclose the fact of the suicide when selling the house.. The Japanese are often superstitious and do not want to buy these kind of houses..)

I cannot say much more about this really because I do not live in Japan.. Suicides are really sad. I haven't experienced it in my direct social environment I'm glad to say. I wish you a lot of strength the coming days Michael.