Crash Course In Japanese Culture (Final Part)

Well that is an an interesting and detailed story for sure and one that is very difficult to comment on as the parties concerned are unknown to the reader.

During my years in Japan I've had my own disagreements/misunderstandings with Japanese concerning behavior, language, customs, etc and some of them have led to arguments and us parting ways, but it did not make me paint the whole culture with one brush stroke as being irrational and hypocritical.

As in any culture, people are people and no two act in the same manner and a clash of cultures can sometimes lead to misunderstandings.

In a way I can understand where you are coming from and I could also, to a point, understand where Shin is coming from based on what you wrote as I believe I have a deeper understanding of Japanese culture and thinking. But, since I know neither of the parties concerned personally, I will refrain from commenting save for the one point that you should've been honest with Shin as to the reasons why you could not attend school since you left the e-mail in full view for him to read. That would've showed him that you are indeed a friend of his and trust him enough to confide in him as he said that he felt like your brother and was hurt that you were not forward and honest with him.

It was your choice to keep it to yourself, and that is your right, but being upfront with Shin may have made things a bit more smoother. I don't know. However, if it were me, I believe I would've been honest with him and let him know the reasons why I couldn't attend school as he was a "friend" and was my host 'brother' for a while. But, as I said previously, there are more extenuating circumstances that I am not privy to so it is really difficult to comment.

All I can say is to not let this one experience with one Japanese person turn you off to the whole Japanese culture and their people.

Pachipro said:

Well that is an an interesting and detailed story for sure and one that is very difficult to comment on as the parties concerned are unknown to the reader.
During my years in Japan I've had my own disagreements/misunderstandings with Japanese concerning behavior, language, customs, etc and some of them have led to arguments and us parting ways, but it did not make me paint the whole culture with one brush stroke as being irrational and hypocritical.
As in any culture, people are people and no two act in the same manner and a clash of cultures can sometimes lead to misunderstandings..

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Hello. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Well, I wanted the parties to stay unknown, but at the same time I tried to make it as detailed as possible so that the identities of both me and Shin would be irrelevant at this point. I didn't write off the entire culture as hypocritical. It did happen in the beginning right after the incident, though, but now I know better. However, at the same time, Japanese are far more homogeneous than Westenrers, so even though every person is different, I sometimes have a sneaking suspicion that most Japanese probably think like him. But I do hope I'm wrong, because I've met some really nice people out there as well.

In a way I can understand where you are coming from and I could also, to a point, understand where Shin is coming from based on what you wrote as I believe I have a deeper understanding of Japanese culture and thinking. But, since I know neither of the parties concerned personally, I will refrain from commenting save for the one point that you should've been honest with Shin as to the reasons why you could not attend school since you left the e-mail in full view for him to read. That would've showed him that you are indeed a friend of his and trust him enough to confide in him as he said that he felt like your brother and was hurt that you were not forward and honest with him.
It was your choice to keep it to yourself, and that is your right, but being upfront with Shin may have made things a bit more smoother. I don't know. However, if it were me, I believe I would've been honest with him and let him know the reasons why I couldn't attend school as he was a "friend" and was my host 'brother' for a while. But, as I said previously, there are more extenuating circumstances that I am not privy to so it is really difficult to comment. All I can say is to not let this one experience with one Japanese person turn you off to the whole Japanese culture and their people.

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Just a small detail, but he actually wasn't my hostbrother. He was the son of my former hostmother's friend. But I guess you are right in that I could have been more honest with him, but listen, I would have talked to him about why my attendance rate had plunged if I felt like I needed help, or if I felt open enough to talk to him about it, which I did NOT. My 'regular' friends from the west (or non-japanese friends), even if they were worried about me etc. would never harrass me like he did. They would try to talk to me and try to make me realize that something needed to change, but it would end there. Never would anyone talk down to me for several days, throwing insults and even threatening to use violence on me. That's virtually unheard of, and that's where you draw the line between friendship. I think what he said about being brothers, is nonsense to me. I feel like it was more of an excuse (one of those 'double standard' things that Japanese often use) to lash out at me. He certainly hasn't once tried to get in touch with me in 2 years since I left Japan. He wanted to create a massive scene, and saying that I was like a brother to him was just an excuse that in his eyes, it was OK to be all arrogant.

In the end, it just boils down to the fact that I did not want to talk to him about it. He had to respect that, but he didn't. If he was anything like a real brother, or even a friend, he would have respected my space. I'm not writing off the entire Japanese society, but hey, they are doing just that with foreigners, aren't they? If one foreigner is bad, all foreigners are bad.

this is great stories

Lullemans72> Quite honestly this Shin guy definitely feels a little eccentric. I could totally see him acting like he did, because I have seen Japanese people act this way, but they are honestly a little weird to me and definitely do not comprise a majority. I also have never seen anybody over 30 act how you described him treating you.

Now, as far as you leaving your message on his table, yeah that was careless of you and if I were you I would not have scolded him for looking at it. It was his house and it was not like he rummaged through your luggage or looked through your wallet to find it. I cannot help but think that if you had not been cross with him for looking at it, that he might have not reacted how he did. You may have made him feel embarrassed, and this was his way of making you the bad guy not him. I don't really know, I was not there so it is hard to comment, also not knowing all the details about what he read in the mail makes it difficult to understand where he may have been coming from. Didn't somebody also comment to you that Shin was a "special" person. If that is true I would think that would give you some indication about him.

In any case I must agree with Pachipro that though this may have been a crappy experience for you that I would not write off Japan just based on this one weirdos actions. I really do sympathize with you though. It sounded like a goofy/creepy situation, and the reason you probably did not defend yourself was because you were at his place. I would imagine you would have laid the smack down had he been treating you like that at your place. I know that's what I would have done.

Hello. I'm new to this forum and I registered just now so I could say something about your story. My only problem with it is...I could only find the final page. However, what I did read was almost enough to make a grown man cry. It was such a romantic and well-written piece. I loved it.

I am a technophobe, so can you tell me without using computerish words how I can read the story from the beginning?

Julian from Canada.

Somehow I managed to find the beginning.

That was an excellent story, and like others, I'm amazed at how much you remember from such a long time ago. Your introduction to Japan was so different from mine, being thrown into it like that. I first studied the language for about a year and a half, along with the culture. I had some Japanese friends to tell me all about the things I need to know to prepare myself as well.

I started off staying with a friend for two weeks in Osaka to help me get acclimatised before heading off on my own on a cross country backpacking/train excursion. Therefore, by the time I was on my own in Japan, I knew a bit about the language, I knew about the culture and I had been shown the ropes by my friend and his family who were extremely kind to me.

It's amazing how much Japan has changed since you were first there, but it's also amazing to think how much it has stayed the same. From no-flush toilets to the ones they have today...I had one with a remote for christ's sake. Who needs a remote for a toilet, am I going feel an urge to flush while I'm in the kitchen?

Keep writing. It's a wonderful gift to have.

Hello Grampus and welcome to the forum. Thanks for taking the time to read it. I remember it so well because I made notes when it happened and I did not want to forget such a unique experience. Also, something like that is hard to forget including the details.

Grampus said:

It's amazing how much Japan has changed since you were first there, but it's also amazing to think how much it has stayed the same.

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I also wrote a story mentioning the same thing. You can read about it here

taking notes

The first time I went to Japan, I tried to keep a diary in Japanese. About a year later I translated it from really bad Japanese to what I sure hope is good English. I recommend to anyone travelling anywhere to keep at least some notes if not an actual journal.

Grampus said:

I recommend to anyone travelling anywhere to keep at least some notes if not an actual journal.

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Yes, those little black pocket diaries sold in Japan are well worth it for keeping small notes and I still have mine. One of these days I'll have to dig them up again and post what I experienced. In one of my pocket diaries I looked at a few months ago I remember being shocked that I made 221,000 yen and change from teaching English part-time (no more than 4 hrs/day, but usually 2), 5 days a week when I was a student, not to mention the other experiences. That was a helluva lot of money back then!

Holy crap Pachipro.. you are talking 70s too here right? factor in the dollar to yen exchange if you were to send it back and you really could have been living large.

Well, those days will never come back, but you can still make some good extra spending money teaching English here though that is for sure.

Amazing story, to believe all this happend over the course of a weekend... it's life changing as you say.

It really makes me want to go to Japan, which I will in 3 years. I will be studying there for 1 year but I hope to get experiences like yours, and I will be sure to bring a notebook with me to write all of my own experiences down.

Thanks for sharing!

This is what I'm talking about. Threads like this were what made JREF for me. Man! I wish people would post more stories such as this. Again, years later, thanks for posting this story.

Amazing. I hope my experiences will be as life changing as yours when I make it to Japan.

Wonderful story! I'm so happy for you that you got so much out of this experience of Japan! 窶堋ｷ窶堋ｲ窶堋｢ﾂ！

Thank you for sharing such a story so many years later. And still, it inspires people even more to go to Japan and experience their own little piece of Japan. I would love to read your book you wrote and I hope I can still find it. Today, so much can be found about Japan and the culture/language. I am blessed to be here now and to be able to access it all. I have grown to love the country and have been drawn to it innately since I was a child for some reason even though I have yet to visit the country. I want to experience Japan soon and have plans to live there for an extended period of time, if not permanently. I cannot wait to be able to experience a place so amazing and so thriving. Again, thank you so much. i hope all has been well. And I hope you are still alive to continue to tell us the tales of which you have experienced (though I'm sure you've posted many already. >_>) You have given me all the more reason to go to the place I love so dear. Thank you!

Thank you for your kind comments hikaru1412 and I do hope you get to experience your dream even if it is just for a visit. If you want it bad enough it will happen. Good luck to you. By the way I have not written a book, yet, and due to some health issues I better get on it before it gets too late.

I just joined the forum and am going through some old posts to catch up. This story is a gem. Almost Hemingwayesque in its straightforwardness. It has something in common with a lot of great writing about Japan in that the reader can recognize that shared, special feeling of being in Japan for the first time. Thank you.