Bumpy ride! Unsure partner

[topi]

Hey guys, its been a while since I posted on here!

I need some advice on what I should do about the relationship with my girlfriend....

We have been together around 5 months now, and gotten really close over that time. About 3 weeks ago, she went on holiday with her parents and we were all great before she left. But when she came back, she was strangely unsure about the relationship, and asked if we would be better off if we were just friends!

Now we, as all couples do, have been through some bad times. But we always stayed strong and close, this makes me think that we have something special.

We talked alot about the relationship, and what was the best thing to do, and we decided that we will stay together since we both feel so strongly about each other, and see how it works out.

So we've been seeing each other as normal, been shopping together and all that, but she didn't seem very happy So I asked her about it and she insisted everything was fine. I went along with that.

I recently managed to pi55 her off pretty bad, by being an *** basically. I apologised and did everything I could to make it up. But it seemed pretty obvious she didn't want to be together anymore. So again we talked things through, and I somehow managed to work it out, and we are now "ironed out and fine".

It just worries me that this happens. We are both young (16) and both new to proper relationships. She has talked to me about how she gets scared about commiting sometimes, but I think every young person is like that. I'm really....really into this girl, and would love for her to want to be with me. But at the same time, I don't want to force her, or talk her into staying with me either.

She says she loves me, and wants to be a part of my life. And I want her to be. But should I keep trying? I want to be with her, but if she doesn't want to be with me... its not going to work, especially in September when I have to travel quite far each day for my job.

 

[Shin_ji80]

Girls are unpredictable animals, they can change their feeling with just a snap. Don't commit yourself to her too much. Once, I put all my heart to a woman and she breaks my heart real hurt.

Advice I can give is, try to withdraw from now and put less feeling to her. If you push her too much, she will run away. If you withdraw, some how she will feel that how important you are to her and try to get close to you again. If in any case that she really doesn't like you anymore (hope that's not true), you will feel better about it after you put less feeling to her.

But I hope everything will be fine

 

[Kinsao]

It is good that you talk about it together. And, she says she is still wanting to be with you... so, that sounds good. I think all you can do is wait and see. I agree with the advice that Shin ji said, not to have too much feeling for her if possible, in case things don't work out. After all, you are both young. But, let's hope she is being honest with you when she says everything is fine. Maybe something happened to make her have a doubt at first, and then this doubt could have gone away or maybe she decided it didn't matter after all. And, no need to worry that you sometimes had an argument, this is normal in a relationship and it's better that you communicate anyway.

 

[topi]

Her parents are real strict, I don't think it helps. Especially when she has to work real hard at them just so we can be together for a while or go to places.

We have been with each other the past couple of nights and gotten close again, that special relaxed feeling. I think its all good, but I thought the same not long ago and had it turn around on me. She is deffinately part of me now, that's for sure. Its nice in a way, make makes me nervous as I don't have a clue what I'm doing hehe.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Bear with me as i say this and please dont find it as in any way a slight but....

At 16, by experience, i can tell you mate, my feelings and emotions especially in the matter of love were all over the place, at that age i could convince myself i was in love with a rock if i worked on it hard enough.

Yuor right that you are both new to lnog term relationhips so...heres my little bit of advice, its not right for everyone and so no pressure for you.


Talk with her, really get her to share her feelings, girls like sharing their feelings, they have a habit of feeling fear of telling things to their own life long married commited husband, let along their boyfriends so, you will need patients and the will to get her to tell you what she will have to say to get some trust back, get her to tell the truth, whatever it is.

Secondly, putting all the higgildygoop feelings aside, think about where you both stand, you are both 16 and as such are you both really ready to make the kinda emotional commitment ussually made by two adults at the engagement night?.

you should both relise that you are both young still, and will have many many years ahead of you, and you must honestly decide if your really ready to lay aside the remainder of your single status freedoms and any chance to explore other relationships.

Also, yes, i can assure you, you will change with time, and you will change drastically between your age now, and my age, 20, you have to understand that with the changes still occuring within you and your minds, its quite possible these lovey dovey gooey wooey feelings you have, will fade with time, by no fault of your own, its just a part of growing up.

If the whole relationship feels like a strain and constant effort and weight then, my honest and best intentioned advice is to allow her to see other people, and live her live, and enjoy yours, at 16 you still have a whole world to learn about and it will give you time to enjoy yourself, relax, check the field for what other women are avaliable to you, and in general give you time to get around the whole relationship thing, committing at this stage isnt ussually the best.

i know because ive lost many good years in my time to relationships that ultimatly were doomed to fail, but, within time, i came to find the right person, and as you get older, your ability to better choose relationships should increase somewhat.

but never expect the happy fairyland image of a perfect relationship, they dont exist, even with THE ONE( dundun duuun!) what is real, is that state of relaxation with someone, that person who seems like an extension of you, who you can always talk to, and you feel comfortable with.

its hard to explain, but when you meet the right person, you will really know, i mean really know.

Good luck and forgive my ramblings, i try :S

 

[topi]

Yeah I often think 'what is the point, its not like we will get married, is it?'.

But then I think about how perfect she is to me, she is so pure and...perfect. It would tear me apart to see her with another guy.

Argh confusion.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Yup, confusion, that about sums up 16 for me, lol.

Good luck anyway dude.

 

[Kinsao]

Who says for 16 years confusion? Ten years on, and confusion is my usual state of being...

 

[smoke]

Mate 16 is a tough time in the relationship stages. Nurizeko is right.
I've been in a relationship for 4 years (since i was 16) but prioe to that i had a couple of partners and the reson they failed (partly!) was because i was probably a little too 'in your face'. Going through depression at 15 left me, in a way, desperate for love. The feeling you get in the start of a relationship is not disimilar to love. The twingy feeling in your gut...the feeling of loss when she/he is not around. A thousand people could tell you 'i've been there' but you have to go through it yourself to really understand the ups and downs. You seem pretty mature so that'll help.
My feeble advice is this.
Remain a little aloof. Don't let this girl be your life and soul, i know it sounds hard (honestly i do) but if you let her consume you then you'll go through emotional hell. The ups and downs will be almost intollerable. And if (heaven forbid) things don't work out, it'll be a lot easier to deal with. My first 'relationship' or two crippled me a bit when they went t1ts up. Try and keep your head screwed on. Be realistic. Like it has been said, relationships aren't for everyone. I'm the sorta guy that likes things 'simple' if you will. So the comfort of a relationship suits me well. ( i know that sounds terrible but i know what i mean). Yet to this day i kinda wish i had the 'put it about' stage of my life, which i didn't get - being in a relationship.
Remember this, most people don't stay with their first love forever.

Also parents can be a tricky subject...they came first and at a young age, they will always come first. Me and my girl had numerous feuds over parents (mostly hers )

Hope this helps and good luck dude.
Peace
smoke.

A relationship is like a bow and string...who is to say whether the bow tightens the string or the string bends the bow.