Bi-cultural Children

[GaijinPunch]

Yeah, I've heard that. Even now, I speak English around the little guy. Thanks for the two cents.

 

[KirinMan]

Yeah, I've heard that. Even now, I speak English around the little guy. Thanks for the two cents.

I wouldn't knock it until you've been through the stiuation Mike is talking about. I went through something similar with my oldest daughter, fortunately my wife and I could afford private schools for her and her 2 younger brothers so they now all speak both languages.

Looking back at it I am glad we are making the sacrifice for them as it gives them other options as they grow up, particularly in regards to choice of colleges and universities being bilingual helps that's for sure. However even if they were in a situation like Mikes kids I would be happy for them as well, they are still my kids and we can communicate in either language.

I know of mixed families here where the father's can not speak with their children fluently in either language. In fact Mom many times has to step in to clarify what Dad is saying. That is a bigger problem.

 

[GaijinPunch]

Private school is definitely on the horizon. I wouldn't bet my house on it, but as my in-laws only grandchild, I don't think he's going to lack many luxuries in life (at least while they're around).

 

[FrustratedDave]

Just my experience, but I feel that international schools leave the child at a very mediocre level of schooling which will limit their ability to go to a good college here or abroard. Especially here in Japan as it is very difficult to get into college. I suppose it comes down to what you want for you kids. No international schools for mine though, they are all going to normal schools.

 

[GaijinPunch]

Especially here in Japan as it is very difficult to get into college.

"Normal" schools do not prepare them either. Enter: the juku. So, now kids go to school, are involved in all sorts of extra curricular activities, and on top of that have to go to a juku to cram facts that they won't retain in order to get into a school that requires only a pulse to graduate from (even the top ones).

Even if I hadn't heard anything but positive things from parents that send their kids to the international schools, it's still a no-brainer (tuition issues set aside).

 

[FrustratedDave]

"Normal" schools do not prepare them either. Enter: the juku. So, now kids go to school, are involved in all sorts of extra curricular activities, and on top of that have to go to a juku to cram facts that they won't retain in order to get into a school that requires only a pulse to graduate from (even the top ones).

Even if I hadn't heard anything but positive things from parents that send their kids to the international schools, it's still a no-brainer (tuition issues set aside).

I agree intenational schools do provide a great atmosphere and they get the basics taught to them and as you say there are juku's and after school activities to attend when attending a "normal" school.ﾂ That being said a "normal" school still provides a far better chance of getting into those colleges. Agreed most colleges are all down hill once you get it, but there are still some carrers like a lawyer, Doctor, pilot and of course there are more that I won't go into , that require a lot of additional study so as you can pass.

Again I believe it untimately comes down to what you want for yours kids future, ie do you plan on living here for the rest of your life along with your kids? (if they go to an international school they may be more likely to seek something abroad, which is also good)

 

[KirinMan]

I suppose it comes down to what you want for you kids. No international schools for mine though, they are all going to normal schools.

Well one thing about private schools, as you know not all of them are so called international schools either. That's not the point I am trying to make here though.

Unless your child looks just like any of the other kids in class they are going to stick out as being "half" to the other kids and teachers in the school. Their differences will make them stick out, no matter what you or anyone else does about it. Some kids flourish in that enviroment others do not.

It is particularly harder on boys than girls. Kids that come from families with both parents also have the expectation placed upon them that they will be bilingual. Many parents are also totally unaware of this, whether the expectation comes from the teacher or other kids in the class, it's there, and that is and of itself creates pressure for some of the children.

By placing my children in a Christian School here in Okinawa I've made the conscious decision to let them study in an environment where everyone is different, so they do not stick out and can relax and not have to worry about things like this.

Oh and btw my oldest daughter graduated from a "normal" Japanese elementary school.

And I am sure we could discuss the idea of a "normal" Japanese school for days. There is much about them that is of course normal, but there is much about them as well they defy the meaning of the word "normal school".

 

[FrustratedDave]

Unless your child looks just like any of the other kids in class they are going to stick out as being "half" to the other kids and teachers in the school. Their differences will make them stick out, no matter what you or anyone else does about it. Some kids flourish in that enviroment others do not.
It is particularly harder on boys than girls. Kids that come from families with both parents also have the expectation placed upon them that they will be bilingual. Many parents are also totally unaware of this, whether the expectation comes from the teacher or other kids in the class, it's there, and that is and of itself creates pressure for some of the children.
By placing my children in a Christian School here in Okinawa I've made the conscious decision to let them study in an environment where everyone is different, so they do not stick out and can relax and not have to worry about things like this.
Oh and btw my oldest daughter graduated from a "normal" Japanese elementary school.
And I am sure we could discuss the idea of a "normal" Japanese school for days. There is much about them that is of course normal, but there is much about them as well they defy the meaning of the word "normal school".

I agree, I would not force my kids to go to a typical Japanese school if they were to be in some way discriminated against.

I mean juku fees are 50,000 yen a month just for one child ,thats 100,000 yen a month for two kids. ☝ So there is no real incentive to force your kids to go if they don't want to, well thats what I am thinking.

The international or private school is an opption I willing to consider ,but I would prefer them to go to a Japanese school and if needs be pay more money for them to learn English privately. I know I could not teach them ,b/c of time constraints with work. I know everyone situation is different and I also believe that where you live will be a big factor on where you do send them.

I also could say a few words about "normal" too, I don't have much time now, so I will post later.

 

[KirinMan]

I mean juku fees are 50,000 yen a month just for one child ,thats 100,000 yen a month for two kids. So there is no real incentive to force your kids to go if they don't want to, well thats what I am thinking.

My wife and I pay roughly 110,000 yen per month tuition not including the costs incurred from having to make lunch everyday plus picking them up and taking them to school. It aint cheap by any sense and because we are paying for their ES,JHS and HS education like this, all three have known from a very young age that "they" will be paying for their own college education, even if they have to rob a bank to do it.

I paid my own way as well as my wife, one can do it if they have the determination to do so. I also think one appreciates their education more if they pay for it rather than having Mommy and Daddy do everything for them.

 

[Masamune_74]

I paid my own way as well as my wife, one can do it if they have the determination to do so. I also think one appreciates their education more if they pay for it rather than having Mommy and Daddy do everything for them.

Couldn't agree with you more, when I first started school I felt left out or something from my parents since we fell into the too rich / not rich enough category when it came to financial aid. But looking back I am much more appreciative of my degree / schooling now. Although I do plan on setting some money aside for my kids education it will probably be only enough for their 1st year.

 

[Mike Cash]

One problem with the "international" schools is that in many (all?) cases they are not recognized by the Ministry of Education, or whatever its current name is, adding an extra hurdle when it comes time to try for admission to Japanese colleges. Or so I have been led to believe. My information may be incorrect or out of date, so any parents for whom this may apply, please hunt around for up to date, accurate information.

 

[Tsukiko-chan]

Well I'm Bi-cultural.. I don't really have problems with it..
I'm part dutch and part Lebanese.
There was a time when they teased me calling me names like Fatima or saying I have a mustache *while my mom made sure I will never get one.*
Just because I had an Islamic background. But that was only done by people who tease everyone who they can tease.
But often people don't even notice it here.. They can often say really bad sings about all Islamic people without noticing half my family is ...
But I will notice quick it are just stupid people talking like that..
( I look more Lebanese than dutch btw)

 

[KirinMan]

One problem with the "international" schools is that in many (all?) cases they are not recognized by the Ministry of Education, or whatever its current name is, adding an extra hurdle when it comes time to try for admission to Japanese colleges. Or so I have been led to believe. My information may be incorrect or out of date, so any parents for whom this may apply, please hunt around for up to date, accurate information.

This is true. If the children want to get into a Japanese University they will first have to show proof of graduation from a Japanese HS or the equivalent document, something that is similar to a GED, General Education Diploma, in the US but called the "daiken" here in Japan.

Well I'm Bi-cultural.. I don't really have problems with it..
I'm part dutch and part Lebanese.

I'm truly glad for you. Have you ever been here to Japan?

 

[Murs]

On a massive tangent, but I found this combo odd, but cute

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[GaijinPunch]

I guess it's worth noting: There's no way I will actively promote my son going to a Japanese University. You can all it snobbery or whatever, but having had at least some experience in higher education in Japan (some time at a senmon gakko, and had plenty of Japanese college friends), I can clearly see it's a joke. Unless he wants to pay for it himself, it's on a plane back to the states for 4 years.

 

[FrustratedDave]

My wife and I pay roughly 110,000 yen per month tuition not including the costs incurred from having to make lunch everyday plus picking them up and taking them to school. It aint cheap by any sense and because we are paying for their ES,JHS and HS education like this, all three have known from a very young age that "they" will be paying for their own college education, even if they have to rob a bank to do it.
I paid my own way as well as my wife, one can do it if they have the determination to do so. I also think one appreciates their education more if they pay for it rather than having Mommy and Daddy do everything for them.

We are going to pay for children to go to college, although I had to pay for my education, I think my wife wants this more than I do.

You can take the test independently which qualify your kids to take the college entrance exams.

 

[Mars Man]

Speaking of monsters...yeap, have three of them. . . three wild and crazy boys !!

The oldest son speaks both languages fairly well--I mean English is fairly well and Japanese? I pretty much assume it's as well as any native speaker. Our middle son handles the Japanese just fine. . . his English is quite under par (we'll pin that one on a non-believing marriage partner) but listening comprehesion is fair enough. The third son has much less English ability--and hopefully that will change now that he has become a jr. high student.

None of the boys had any problems with being from an inter-national/cultural marriage--as far as I know, and it is a small village-like setting. (everyone knows everyone, just about) In fact, I must sadly admit, my youngest son was kind of picking on a neighbor boy in his class, and I had to get on to him hard for that. He's ok now. The two younger boys are quite atheltic with the middle son coming in number one for Nagano Prefecture in the 5th grade boys 100 meter dash, and represented Nagano in Tokyo at the Nationals. My youngest boy came in third at the Nagano race last year. This sportsmanship element may have helped in some way...maybe.

All did the Japanese public education system. We have saved money for them to use, but it will have to be supported with loans too. They'll have to pay back the loans. I did my own college myself too, very little from my folks.

The kids whose parents are second generation or more Brazilian get along fairly well here in Nagano too, for the most part--it seems. Being non-Japanese here, is still a bit novel, I guess. We have had no problems--as a non-typical, international family here--other than what can be pinned on a non-believing partner.

 

[Masamune_74]

Thanks for the great post Mars Man. I have a question for you though. What is a non-believing partner, I have never heard of that term before.

 

[Mars Man]

Ha, ha ha....hee, hee, hee....yes, that is one of my originals !! Sorry...I just threw it out there thinking that maybe the reading between the lines of emotion within the post would draw out a conception of just what I had had in mind.

Ususally 'non-believing' is used for those who are not 'believers' of a certain religious belief-system, here, though, I use it for a partner who tends not to 'believe' in their partner--you know, not give due credit to or for, lets things of high truth value go in one ear and out the other, expects a certain attitude but does not reciprocate, and so on...

Apologies for the confusion !!

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

Sounds to me like every woman on the planet could fit that description, Mars Man!

 

[Mars Man]

Yeah, well...Mikawa Ossan san, when studying in that sexology and Evolutionary/biology/psychology field, a person comes across that basic tendency. The average female brain--and by extension personality--doesn't fit the male counter-part, thus, in effect making such a thing seemingly the obvious case.

To tie this in with the OP, I would then argue that a couple has to bear that in mind, and thus make equal efforts to not allow such a 'dis-balance' to overcome the situation when dealing with children in a marriage where cultural upbring differences can come to play. It takes two hands to clap. . . and if one hand refuses to do so?

 

[Void]

Sounds to me like every man on the planet could fit that description, Mikawa Ossan!

 

[GaijinPunch]

Sounds to me like every woman on the planet could fit that description, Mars Man!

Afterall, they do have that smaller brain.
(See Borat?)

 

[KirinMan]

other than what can be pinned on a non-believing partner.

Could it be safely assumed that your wife thinks the same about you as well?

Great line btw.

 

[Mars Man]

Could it be safely assumed that your wife thinks the same about you as well?
Great line btw.

Thanks for the compliment. In fair and due consideration of the historical developments, the hereditary/geneological ly based displays of actions and worldview, the idiosyncrasies in aggregate, and the tenor of reactions to numerous, well-shown-to-be-more-factual/realistic-than-not events over time, I would strongly argue that she is in no position to satisfactorily defend any such claims against me to the degree that any relatively material damage to my claim against her would be effected.

In other words...and I'm being honest here, and as fair as I think is fair enough...I see a far greater amount of substantiated claims against her than she has against me.

Now...to get back on topic...

In international/cultural marriages between Japanese women and non-oriental (I'll say for now--and this could be wrong) men, it is important to keep a focus on each other as partners equally as much as it to focus on being a parent--from each individual parent. There is a fairly-well-accepted-to-be-so tendency among Japanese women to focus more on the children once they come along.

This, again, is a tendency set by nature to some degree, of course--for the average female--but is stressed somehow by Japanese (at least for now) society. It is for this reason that I cannot stand the 'family service' concept which has come up. The circumstances and understandings should never have arisen from which this concept could have been born--saving an occasional Sunday for family service

I'm not saying that it could have totally been avoided, anymore, perhaps, than capitalism or consumerism could have been avoided, but that it should never have been allowed to gain such 'momentum' or acceptance.

The moral is, encourage the existence of the 'lovers' between the father and mother.