puns ahead

den4

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Puns Ahead!
Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating: always use condiments.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
 
I Don't Think......

I've seen a single one before. GREAT !!

Frank

👍 👍 👍
 
Some silly Japanese puns:

Shinchou ni natte shinchou o hakatte kudasai!

Son'na gasshiri shita karada nara gashi wa shinai!

Ano seinen no seinengappi o shirabete kudasai!

Genkou no settou no genkouhan de taiho suru!!!
 
If I translate, it wouldn't be funny anymore. But here it is:

Shinchou ni natte shinchou o hakatte kudasai! (please be careful when measuring my height)

Son'na gasshiri shita karada nara gashi wa shinai! (with a solid body like that, you'll never starve to death)

Ano seinen no seinengappi o shirabete kudasai! (Please find out that young man's DOB)

Genkou no settou no genkouhan de taiho suru!!! (I'm arresting you for the theft of the manuscripts)
 
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