Need some encouragement

Many of you have heard my hard-luck story of having lived in Japan for a bit of time, a short-bit really, six months to be exact. The short of it it (again) is that, my relationship at the time, between us both, we could not quite both be sure of getting married---- and in the end, when I returned to Japan to make a go of figuring that out, I was not able to enter, and was sent back home, my status of return in some abstract jeopardy, ---I was told, because of my appeal (an appeal that sought to have a Japanese speaker, my girlfriend at the time, confer with the immigration officials) that each time I enter Japan, an Immigrations official would be called asside to give me special attention.

My girlfriend and I lately aren't able to communicate frequently, she works often, and when I call she isn't there... my link to this country (where a good many of my belongings still lie), is tenuous at best--- so, I say this, to tell you the type of feelings I am having now...

The jist of my question, my need of advice is this, and it has nothing to do with my legal status, my relationship, my things, but my age.

At times I feel, at the age of thirty-five, with so many people younger than I who have made so much more progress than I... at times I feel like I'm too old to make a go of simply getting back to Asia.

I have no illusions about living in Japan, this may not be a possibility for me. I would like to teach in Asia, I would like to teach in Korea... At best I would like to go to school in Japan, I've mentioned this before, this requires some funds on my part which haven't materlialized...

Am I too old to make a go of continuing my travels in Asia, of living and working there? Please think a bit before you answer. I require my bachelors degree, I require a degree in general--- I left school years ago in lieu of completing my degree--- Oddly enough, my old boss offered to pay for me to take a vacation to Japan, but I refused as a moral issue, because I quite frankly despised his treatment & payment of his workers.

I think I've made some poor choices in my life. I think I've stopped studying when I should have continued--- I started studying Japanese in earnest in the year 2000 or so... I can't imagine the progress I would have made had I only kept up the work each day... I can't imagine the places I may have gone in life had I only believed that I could accomplish them.

Suffice it to say I'm not happy living back in the United States--- at the very least I'd like to be able to see more of the parts of the world that I'm most interested in... I'd like to try.

Maybe I feel so old for having gone through so much over the last few years of my life--- maybe I can't see the opportunities that others could see from my vantage... I don't know if this thread is answerable, I don't know if this makes sense to anyone.

It's hard to encourage myself at the moment, I suppose that's why I ask the only people whom I know understand the situation, the topic, the locale, and the emotion.

Thank you, for any advice.

-Michael.

That's definitely a tough subject. I'll have to mull over all this, but I'd have to say that no one knows your situation, and no one is better suited to answer your questions here better than yourself.

First bit of advice is to point out the very obvious: You ain't dead yet.

Go back to school and finish up the degree. Instead of moping about your age, consider what a blessing it is that you're unencumbered and can easily do this. Imagine what it would be like if you had the baggage of wife, kids, and mortgage. You're free as the wind. Revel in it, and take advantage of it.

Old?! You think 35 is "too old?" I've got 17 years on you and, as the old saying goes, "If I knew then what I know now..." You're just a young whippersnapper. Wait until you get to my age, when you're too young for Medicare and too old for women to care, then you'll have something to moan about.

Yeah, finish up the degree and you'll give yourself a fighting chance.

Ahh, I can always rely on my elders to supply a perspective that simultaneously makes me feel foolish and grateful to be so young.

Man, I'm 21 and Japan and my relationship with one of its nationals makes me feel like an old codger.

As has been said, your still alive, and no time like the present.

Its never to old to get what you want and reach for it, "too old" is just an excuse (unless you really are like ancient and wheelchair bound on life-support or something).

There are guys much older then you who travel for a living, who work in interesting places in interesting ways.

It sounds like you've had alot of problems but stick with it and reach for that bit of happyness, if Japan or Asia is really where you feel you can find a place in the world, somewhere to not only belong and survive, but to be happy and feel like you have a reason to exist, then go for it.

Everyone has times when they lose faith, when they wonder if its better to just give up, but if it really was for the best to give up, you wouldnt come here, you need someone to remind you to hang in because thats what you want, and thats why you ask us for our "advice".

Stick with it old bean, you'll get there yet, with time effort and a little more patience.

I completely agree with mike on this one. I went back to school at 30, and about a year ago at 35, I got a job teaching English in Japan. 35 is not old! there's still time to get that degree and do whatever you want, be it teach in asia or whatever. Don't worry about the age. It honestly doesn't matter.

Thanks guys. I'm going to go on and try to do whatever it takes to make the right changes--- getting my bachelors first and foremost, and then going from there. That's the first most important step in my life & it will open up a lot of doors for me, regardless of where I end up.

I do occasionally need to be kicked in the rear a bit, more often lately unfortunately, I just need to get the right momentum to move forward and keep moving until I'm where I want to be.

Thanks again everyone.

本当です、どうも有難う。
(honto desu, doumo arigatou)

If you need some more incentive to go back to college....

Co-eds.

Mike Cash said:

If you need some more incentive to go back to college....

Co-eds.

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Living in a college town, you might be surprised at how quickly students get on your nerves... but don't think I haven't mulled this bennefit over, myself!

You can tolerate the annoyance durring the date aslong as you get your reward at the end of the night, hehehe.

Don't say that! If you go on moping about your age, what does that mean for us younger than you that haven't gone to Japan yet? You're never too old to do anything. I've seen that from some of my college peers and just the people around me. It's made me have confidence in myself to know that if someone older than me can do it, I can do it as well no matter what age I am. You need to have that confidence because if you give up now, in a few years you'll regret THAT. Now, do you want history to repeat itself? Dont' dwell on what you could've done in the past but look at the here and now and decide that you still have time, or at least you'll make as much time as you need to do what you truly want. Age means nothing, happiness means everything.

yukio_michael said:

Living in a college town, you might be surprised at how quickly students get on your nerves...

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I know what you mean. I can't really imagine myself sitting in a classroom for more than 40 minutes a day. There are ways to finish your degree online and just go to school once a week or something like that, though.

Anyhow, good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Sorry to be late replying to you, Yukio Michael.

You are not too old!

I always say that you always have a future in front of you, no matter what your age is, even if you are 90. And it's up to you what to do with it - even if you only have one day left in your life!

From my own perspective, I can say that if you don't do what you want in your heart now, you will regret it in the future years. You'll get to, say, 65, and think "Damn - did I really feel too old for such-and-such at 35?! I should have got my *** in gear and acted then!"

You say "I am not happy living back in the United States". That should be reason enough. Do something to aim for the life you want. Even if you try and it didn't work out, at least you will have tried and had the experience to know that, rather than having to think "I wonder what would have happened if...?"

I can only wish you good luck and hope that you will find happiness.

You Want an Honest Answer?

If you really have the desire and the will to return to Japan you will make it happen by getting your degree. Without that degree it is best that you just forget about ever returning to Japan as your past interaction with Japanese immigration will virtually forbid it. You are on their list of undesirables. That is unless you marry a Japanese woman in the US and return with her. The degree is your key to realizing your stated dreams and goals. Otherwise it will be just an unfulfilled fantasy that will never materialize.

To think that you are too old at 35 is a defeatist attitude and just an excuse for you to justify your not living up to your full potential and returning to school. So what if you are the oldest in your class? Who cares? You have your goals and that's all that matters. There is no age limit on students you know. If it's four years you need, it will go by in a flash and you'll have that degree before you know it. I am 51 and I'll tell you right now, if they suddenly decided that I needed two more years of college to get a working visa in Japan I would have signed up yesterday whether I had the money or not. I WILL find a way to pay for it.

Don't have the money? Well you can always work delivering pizzas or flipping burgers or whatever. You can always get student loans at low interest rates. Go to a local college as they are the cheapest. Remember, it's not where you went to school, but the fact that you have the degree that matters.

You are not too old yukio-michael to do any of the things you mentioned and your saying so repeatedly is just a crutch you are using. Stop using your age as an excuse and get yourself enrolled in a college. If the will is strong enough things will strangely happen to make it a reality. It always does. For anyone with a dream. But you have to believe in it and yourself first or it will never happen. And you'll still be writing similar posts here on Jref when you're 65 and I am 81 and living happily, and hopefully healthy, in Japan.

And please don't say it's easier for me as I have a Japanese wife because if I didn't, I'd still get back to Japan one way or another. I desired to stay in Japan while in the military in Japan and the only way to do that was to attend university in Japan and take an in-country discharge. I made it happen by taking the right courses on base and did everything I needed to do before I took discharge. It wasn't easy, but the desire was stronger than the negatives facing me. I applied and was accepted and the rest is history

I've followed most of your posts and I can see it in your writing how much you desire to return to Japan. It's in your heart like many of us here. Why you are not taking the steps to make it a reality by getting the one and only thing that will make it a reality, your degree, just leaves me shaking my head in bewilderment and thinking, "Does this guy really want to return to Japan or is he just talking? Then why is he not taking the important step, the only step for him, to make it a reality?"

Don't live the "WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA" life yukio-michael and be a loser like so many other people out there bragging what they shoulda done and woulda done and coulda done if only such and such was not in the way. Like Mike Cash said, you are single and have no baggage whatsoever. It's much easier for you than for others with a family and mortgage and HAVE DONE IT! Be a winner and tell yourself, "I WILL, I SHALL, and I CAN."

Make it happen. We are all pulling for you! Now go and do it!

Mike Cash said:

First bit of advice is to point out the very obvious: You ain't dead yet.

Go back to school and finish up the degree. Instead of moping about your age, consider what a blessing it is that you're unencumbered and can easily do this. Imagine what it would be like if you had the baggage of wife, kids, and mortgage. You're free as the wind. Revel in it, and take advantage of it.

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Amen, amen, amen!

I'm 30 now, and I feel like life is closing in on me too(already!). I don't have the freedom you have, though. If I did have the freedom you have, I'd...yeah, I'd revel in it!

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

Just as a little postscript to my post: there was a guy studying on my degree course who was getting on for 70, and he was doing just fine.

I'm not sure whether this is relevant, but I'll tell you the story of my aunt:
She grew up during WWII and was a high school student when the war ended. Because of this and the family losing everything, she had to give up university studies (although she was a very smart girl at school).
She worked for about 15 years before she started taking correspondence university courses and eventually graduated from Keio University at age 40. She worked at the same job until she retired at age 55 and then decided to brush up her English and went to the US for total of 6 years (off and on) and earned a BA from the University of Indiana.
She is currently in her 80s and still drives, golfs and travels overseas with friends. And her English is excellent.

Thankyou all for the words of encouragement, the advice. At times it's difficult to shut out the side of me that wants to give up--- I know that this is a bad characterstic--- and one that's undesirable, but if I knew how to shut out that side of me, perhaps I wouldn't even be writing this now.

A discouraging factor is being, as Pachipro stated, thought of as an undesirable--- I don't know this is for certain, I have to phone immigration to find out just what my status is--- I have someone who can better do this for me now, as you'll read below... I know this isn't unsurmountable, but, I need to know these things.

I'm getting in contact again with a vocational rehab programme in my area, which hopefully will get me back on my way with school... It's been difficult as my situation is slightly different than the scenarios they normally deal with--- &--- my contact at their office is incredibly difficult to reach--- but, I've made up my mind to keep trying.

I've been in contact with my gf/ex what have you, I'll be helping her with her visa application for the United States... regardless of where our relationship ends up, it makes me feel good not to have this part of my life solely in the past. It makes me feel good not to feel I've lost a person, let alone the things of mine she safeguards...

All in all, it's true... I don't want to wake up one day and think of the things that I could have done. For the first time in perhaps two years, I recently rented an appartment in town and had power turned on there--- I move in this weekend. As I build up these layers of stability, what I should be able to accomplish should only be bounded by my will to succede. Nothing is easy, nothing great is easy... I have to recall these words.

Thanks again... of course, I'll let you know how well I put my money where my mouse is.

I echo everyone else's statements but i'll jump in with my two ￥. I will turn 35 next week actually and I too was a "late-bloomer" when I had my 1st opportunity to come to Japan. At the time, I was fresh of the boat, 26, and had only an Associate's degree but was fortunate enough to secure visa sponsorship from another expat who had arranged a deal with the local school board. I did my two years as an ALT in the Sapporo area then came back home to finish my schooling. I did not return to Japan again until after I had earned my Master's and was 33. This time I opted to work for a big Eikawa (AEON) at their Chubu headquarters in Nagoya as an ET (Emergency Teacher). After one year of working for AEON I quickly realized how much I disliked it and decided that I would pursue my own path.

This time around I decided to move to Fukuoka. At that time, I had a verbal agreement to go into business with a Japanese businessman I had met some time earlier. He would put up front all the necessary cash to get the school up and running and I would do all the work with the profits split down the middle. Sounded good on paper... lol, but it was a mess. I severed our relationship about 9 months after it started and decided to go completely solo. At first, it was rough... about three months of JUST BARELY getting by on about ￥150,000/month (that's rent, utilities, food, student loans, everything etc.) because I had to fork over some serious cash to get into a new place in a timely fashion in order to keep my students.

Fast forward one year. Life is good man. I have no complaints whatsoever. I just moved into my own house about 20 minutes from the city (a small fortune but a worthy investment), finally bought my custom-built dream PC, bought a 40" digital Hi-Vision set, will buy a new car soon, you get the picture. So yeah, don't stress yourself over the fact that you're a little older than most fresh-faced college grads touring Japan on a teaching visa. I haven't worn a suit and tie for work in over a year, I make more than double your average English teacher's monthly salary, and I have 100% complete freedom over my work schedule. Hell, I was a policeman of all things before I ever came to Japan. At some point, I crossed the line of teaching English because it was the only thing I could do at the time and realized now that I do it because I actually enjoy it. Anyways, the point of my little self-congratulatory rant (heh) is that if you have a dream and you decide for yourself that you're serious about achieving it, go for it man. You won't be dissapointed with the results.