Separation from wife

My wife is asking (telling) me to move out. I guess I'll move out. Hopefully things will quiet down and I could return later. We have a young child.

No divorce yet.

What should I do in this situation?

How should I legally protect myself. I don't want to be accused of abandoning my family.

Greetings,

Before jumping to the worst case scenario,
Would you talk about how the situation ended up like this, your wife telling you to move out?
You're looking a way out of this by seeking legal protection but if your wife is acting like this maybe you are guilty ? Partly guilty ?

It's important to speak about things openly and not to leave anything for "later" - each problem must be treated one by one and solved immediately. Even if you end up "winning" at the court, you will not have solved your defects/bad habits (assuming you're making mistakes leading your wife to have a burn-out), nor she would have solved her mistakes, and then, you (or your wife) will eventually keep repeating this mistakes and oppress your (her) future partner.

Sometimes, the solution is very easy, but we got lazy in our era, when we face a problem we flee from it instead of facing it and solve it... that's the way previous married couple use to act, it was very rare that we hear about a divorce from the older generations.

I would be careful about access to your child. There have been a number of issues with retaining access to kids when families split in Japan. Unfortunately I can't really help with your situation as you haven't really provided much information.

Petaris said:

I would be careful about access to your child. There have been a number of issues with retaining access to kids when families split in Japan. Unfortunately I can't really help with your situation as you haven't really provided much information.

Click to expand...

What information would you like?

From everything I've heard, the bigger danger is losing access to your family, not being accused of abandoning them.
If you think divorce is a real possibility, I'd consult a Japanese lawyer knowledgeable in this area. Try to learn in advance your rights and responsibilities.

1. A divorce should be your last resort
2. There are many factors to consider. A first one would be the National Health Insurance. Are you paying for the both of you after and if when you do move out.
3. Your medical history in Japan, be careful on this one. There are immigrations laws regarding that one if you become divorce.
4. Housing, if you move out, locate to where there is university housing. It is generally cheap and most likely comes with a fridge and burner. Also, find an NGO to help you find the apartment.
5. If you move to another town, you have to register within 2 weeks of leaving your current address. Also you'll need to have your tax records too.

It gets pretty complicated and hopefully your current income is about 250000 yen a month, if so, if she changes from " move out " to " you can go ", well consider yourself on your own.

Thatslife said:

What information would you like?

Click to expand...

I'm not asking for any, just mentioning that based on the little that you provided it will be hard to give more specific answers. Anyway, we don't know you or your wife or the reason she asked you to move out and really are not going to be able to give you more than general advice anyway. You will have to decide what will and won't apply to your situation.

If things have seriously gone down hill the first thing to consider is access to your child and if she would prevent you from seeing or having contact with them in the future. As I and @mdchachi have mentioned, this is a real concern in Japan.

Agree with the above. Is there any service that provides free legal counselling in your area? Some law offices offer free consultation for 30 minutes. Maybe the town/municipality you are in has some free legal consultation service through the city hall? Note that it will be hard to give any advice is there is no pending legal issue. Things to consider are: whose name is on the lease/mortgage? Who pays the bills: whose name is on the contracts with the gas, electric, water, NHK? Are these paid automatically from that person's account, or is there some other arrangement? Same goes for any big assets, like a car. Note all of these down for future reference. Also, does she have access to your bank accounts or credit cards (even though her name is not on them) and vice-versa, do you have access to any of her finances even though your name is not on them. Make a note of these too.

If your intention is to reconcile at some point and remain married, you should tell your wife that, just to have a record that this is your intention/hope. (You don't want to end up in court and have your wife claiming it was you who initiated any separation). I mean, its tough if you are already in an adversarial situation, but I would do it just to be crystal clear. If its just a rough patch that you can resolve with time, then its still good to show her early on that you want to get through this and remain married.

Anyway, my first advice would be to document everything - even if it is from your own (admittedly) biased point of view. In addition to the legal/finanical bits above, just make a simple narrative that a lawyer can look at. Something like;

Background: Wife and I married on Jan 1st, 2020. Child born Jan 1st 2021. All three living in apartment registered in her name (contract is in her name) for rent of 100,000 yen per month. I paid down payment, and pay for 75% of rent from my wages at XXX trading company. All documentation for apartment, electricity, water, gas, is in her name, but all bills are paid from my bank account at MUFJ, Yokohama Branch.

March 1st Wife and I argued over finances. Became difficult to live together.
March 24th 12:00. Wife asked me to move out. Tried negotiating, but rather than escalating, I agreed to move out temporarily, but told her I did not want to divorce.
March 27th 8:00. Moved to Sakura-cho.....etc..

Lastly, if you are here on a spouse visa, you have a possible residence issue if you get divorced. If you are employed, and are here on a work visa, you have much less to worry about.