feedback on a casual observation

as a newcomer, I've observed something that I consider a bit unusual. Maybe it's simply that I don't understand the Japanese culture yet. In the US, this manner of behavior would be considered a little strange, maybe even a bit rude.

Whenever my wife and I are together and my wife is speaking with a Japanese person, the japanese person ignores me as if I dont exist. there's absolutely no eye contact or even a simple glance in my direction.

since i have a very outgoing personality and a smile, it very easy for me to deal with other people, I simply think this is odd behavior. the Japanese person has eye contact with my wife.

The last part is the most odd. After the converation is finished, the Japanese person thanks my wife and performs the customary bow. Again, my presence is not acknowledged. Only after I say domo arigatou gozaimasu and I perform the customary bow, is my presence acknowledged.

If this happened only 1 or 2 times, I can understand. Unfortunately, this is becoming the rule of thumb, without exception.

Can anybody add some insight into this casual observation?

The search button is your friend.

Do Japanese Address you or your (Japanese) significant other?

popster said:

Only after I say domo arigatou gozaimasu and I perform the customary bow, is my presence acknowledged.

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Just curious. Is that the extent of your Japanese ability? No offense intended, just curious, because if you have a relatively good level, then why don't you just cut into the conversation?

As the link will probably explain, foreigners are not perceived by Japanese to be able to learn enough Japanese language to communicate, and locals think they will have to use English (which they can't), so they defer to the Japanese person.

Glenski said:

Just curious. Is that the extent of your Japanese ability? No offense intended, just curious, because if you have a relatively good level, then why don't you just cut into the conversation?
As the link will probably explain, foreigners are not perceived by Japanese to be able to learn enough Japanese language to communicate, and locals think they will have to use English (which they can't), so they defer to the Japanese person.

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Even if the Japanese person knows that the foreigner in question can't speak of single word of Japanese, it's still very rude to ignore him/her completely. I'm sure most of us in Japan have been in the reverse situation where there has been a Japanese present who can't speak the language we're speaking. I doubt if any of us would ignore that Japanese person completely.

Taiko666 said:

Even if the Japanese person knows that the foreigner in question can't speak of single word of Japanese, it's still very rude to ignore him/her completely. I'm sure most of us in Japan have been in the reverse situation where there has been a Japanese present who can't speak the language we're speaking. I doubt if any of us would ignore that Japanese person completely.

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Trust me. I've seen it happen.

You're right, though. It is rude, but there is a certain mindset at work here.

1. A would-be French guy cut into the conversation in Japanese.
2. Of course, the local spoke him in Japanese.
3. He mysteriously stopped talking in Japanese after another kind Japanese explained the situation in English.
4. He ignored the Japanese and left.

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What a lovely British accent he has! The guy must have educated somewhere in the UK.

Some may be shy, some may pretend to be a French, etc... So it is hard to draw a quick conclusion.

Why don't you, not your wife, ask a question in Japanese next time? You don't have to be a Canadian.

popster said:

If this happened only 1 or 2 times, I can understand. Unfortunately, this is becoming the rule of thumb, without exception.

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Trust me, and the others who have posted, it IS the rule of thumb. Always has been, and I'm afraid, always will be as the Japanese are hardwired to believe that many foreigners cannot speak/understand Japanese even though they see many foreign "talento" speaking it on TV on a daily basis. To the Japanese they are the exception. It will only change when you speak up and stand up for yourself and be the first to speak and keep the converstaion going. But like Glenski said, it depends on your level of Japanese and your grammar and accent. That will say many things about you and how they perceive you. If you know it to a decent degree and speak with confidence you will not get ignored as much as I can attest to from personal experience. You just have to assert yourself and you will gain much respect.

Also, as was also mentioned, this topic has come up before and was well discussed. Just utilize the search and you will find many other answers to your dilemma. It is a problem for those new to Japan and does come up often in new posts.