Revenant
後輩
- 7 Mar 2005
- 634
- 38
- Thread starter
-
- #26
Credit card was most definitely over the top a while ago, add in my stuff and stuff my wife bought without my knowledge, and a few of them were astronomical, but part of the wife's credit card expenses were necessary, as in basketball uniforms for my son, I don't really know what the other stuff was about. I spent too much money on iTunes, not necessary stuff, but to which I've curbed quite a bit recently.
I'll get into background a bit here.
I married her so I could come to Japan to help support my son. I'm still married cause she told me she wants to take my son to Canada, and the only way that's happening is if she gets a Permanent Residential Status as the wife of a Canadian citizen. She seems to be placing complications on that plan though, like we need to pay 30 000 dollars pension plan before we go.
Part of the problem probably lay in the early distribution of power. When we first got here, I was 22, and she was 29, so she was first older and more experienced and second this was her home country, so I both gave her almost entire control over everything and she sort of just took that.
I wasn't terribly committed early on, as in getting married wasn't what I had wanted to do, so I went out drinking a couple of nights while I was 22 and almost cheated on her, she could've guessed about one, the other I told her about with the idea that being honest about that would let her know I was being honest about everything.
So six years go by, and I'm giving her all my money, doing everything to gain her trust again, and yet I also want some changes made.
I discover that attempting to negotiate changes just doesn't work, and the night I almost cheated on her is invoked as a both a way to shut me down and as a bargaining chip, and when pressed hard that she just didn't want to do anything I asked cause she didn't care about me since that night. She also employed a lot of agreeing to something, then later throwing in complications just to make what I wanted unfeasible, or telling me she wanted to do this but really she had in mind that, and I didn't find out till it was too late, and then she just laughed like it wasn't a big deal, and if I got angry she'd either try charming her way out of my anger or belittlingly telling me I just didn't 'know'. She'll say sorry and it'll never happen again, but then it does, like nights when I'd be stuck with no place to sleep on cold nights till 4am and then she laughingly tells me she just didn't want to be alone while she finished up preparing for work the next day.
Mike, you are very correct that I went out drinking with the idea of deliberately pissing her off. Strangely, she's gotten a little more pliable in negotiations since I started doing that occasionally, like it's making the statement that even what she held over me as her ultimate chip carries little power. The chick's number was neither what I wanted nor wanted the wife to find.
I also tell her I'll let her know what I'm using the credit card for when she lets me know what she's doing with my money. She refuses to do that.
It is fubar, and perhaps a good marriage counselor would help sort things out, cause the state of our marriage is not solely my fault, but good marriage counselors do not seem to exist here in Japan.
I don't know that all that made sense, it probably is just mind blowing to most.
I'm checking whether I can divorce here on Canadian terms, but if not, I'll have to go back to Canada and force it from there. If I do this on Japanese terms, I'll have to either take her to court to attempt a forced divorce, and then she may charge me up to 40 000 dollars for my almost cheating on her, and I don't even want to get into the number of arguments we'd get into were I to as has been suggested just flat out refuse to pay the 40 000 dollars, and I'm not sure what the Japanese laws would do were I to renege on the ruling.
Hey, I get that some are going to harshly criticize and even come after me to some extent. I hardly expect some people in real life to be understanding, and I certainly expect it less online.
I'll get into background a bit here.
I married her so I could come to Japan to help support my son. I'm still married cause she told me she wants to take my son to Canada, and the only way that's happening is if she gets a Permanent Residential Status as the wife of a Canadian citizen. She seems to be placing complications on that plan though, like we need to pay 30 000 dollars pension plan before we go.
Part of the problem probably lay in the early distribution of power. When we first got here, I was 22, and she was 29, so she was first older and more experienced and second this was her home country, so I both gave her almost entire control over everything and she sort of just took that.
I wasn't terribly committed early on, as in getting married wasn't what I had wanted to do, so I went out drinking a couple of nights while I was 22 and almost cheated on her, she could've guessed about one, the other I told her about with the idea that being honest about that would let her know I was being honest about everything.
So six years go by, and I'm giving her all my money, doing everything to gain her trust again, and yet I also want some changes made.
I discover that attempting to negotiate changes just doesn't work, and the night I almost cheated on her is invoked as a both a way to shut me down and as a bargaining chip, and when pressed hard that she just didn't want to do anything I asked cause she didn't care about me since that night. She also employed a lot of agreeing to something, then later throwing in complications just to make what I wanted unfeasible, or telling me she wanted to do this but really she had in mind that, and I didn't find out till it was too late, and then she just laughed like it wasn't a big deal, and if I got angry she'd either try charming her way out of my anger or belittlingly telling me I just didn't 'know'. She'll say sorry and it'll never happen again, but then it does, like nights when I'd be stuck with no place to sleep on cold nights till 4am and then she laughingly tells me she just didn't want to be alone while she finished up preparing for work the next day.
Mike, you are very correct that I went out drinking with the idea of deliberately pissing her off. Strangely, she's gotten a little more pliable in negotiations since I started doing that occasionally, like it's making the statement that even what she held over me as her ultimate chip carries little power. The chick's number was neither what I wanted nor wanted the wife to find.
I also tell her I'll let her know what I'm using the credit card for when she lets me know what she's doing with my money. She refuses to do that.
It is fubar, and perhaps a good marriage counselor would help sort things out, cause the state of our marriage is not solely my fault, but good marriage counselors do not seem to exist here in Japan.
I don't know that all that made sense, it probably is just mind blowing to most.
I'm checking whether I can divorce here on Canadian terms, but if not, I'll have to go back to Canada and force it from there. If I do this on Japanese terms, I'll have to either take her to court to attempt a forced divorce, and then she may charge me up to 40 000 dollars for my almost cheating on her, and I don't even want to get into the number of arguments we'd get into were I to as has been suggested just flat out refuse to pay the 40 000 dollars, and I'm not sure what the Japanese laws would do were I to renege on the ruling.
Hey, I get that some are going to harshly criticize and even come after me to some extent. I hardly expect some people in real life to be understanding, and I certainly expect it less online.