"bullyng" any detterent?

living in japan, recently alot of suicides caused by bullyng.
every country have their own.
i have a kid 4 yars old, not that i am that worry, but i am thinking about it.
on the other hand my wife is quite worry about it.

anyway, any thought of how to go about it?
as a parent you can't do that much, eccept show a good example to your kid, but you out of control to what happen outside, school, etc..

it maybe inbedded into the japanese culture, i would'nt know, i am sure that it is an individual problem, it doesn't matter if i understand the psychological reasons behind bullyng.

i just wonder if there are any detterents, in case i am faced to this problem.
what is your opinion?
cheers

I don't know Japanese bullying. I live in Mexico and it seems that it is a problem for little kids. I'm talking about 7 year olds. It is pretty unheard of on 10 year olds and up. I also lived in the U.S. for a year. I was in middle school and yeah, there was your typical jock bully, but nothing out of the ordinary.

However, I have heard that in Japan it is a huge problem. You get this thing in the media quite often. But it may be that Japanese society teaches people that they NEED other people, like follow the herd, know what I'm saying? It is not like the West, where it is good to be individualistic. Where, many people don't care much if they are being called names or getting shunned and things of the like.

Now, I assume you are a foreigner, so i don't know whether your point is that he will be bullied because he is gaijin or just because.

A point is, your kid needs to go to school, everyone needs an education and I do not think you should worry much about it as you are definitely not taking him out of school just because he gets bullied. Just teach him the usual stuff like fight back, not listen to other people's negative comments etc.

I have also heard a lot of people worried that their kid might be bullied or such, but, haven't you worried that your kid might be the bully? You should also teach him that he must respect people and to not discriminate.

Mauricio

I would suggest to be as active as you can in your child's education and learn to communicate with them so that they know that they can come to you at anytime and not be afraid to discuss anything with you.

Participating actively in school activities like the PTA, staying in touch with teachers on a regular basis, keeping a loving watch over their studies and not putting too much pressure on them to over reach. Spending qaulity time with them, not just watching TV, or going to a movie, but time talking with them also can instill in them the knowledge that they are safe no matter the situation.

Dont go overboard when they have problems with friends when they are in ES, sometimes it is best to let kids work things out together, that is not bullying many times, it is a part of the learning process. Yet keep an eye on them and dont butt in unless you feel it is something that is more serious. I see some parents that get overly involved with the system but don't take time to listen, truly listen to their children, when they really need the assurance and love of the parent. Some parents like to blame everyone else for their child's difficulties but rarely look into a mirror and think about how they are actually acting.

While there are many serious cases of bullying, part of the reason from my perspective is from the parents lack of participation in their childrens development. Many parents of children that have been victims of bullying were shocked that it was their child. Yet they never took the time to talk to their children daily and see how they were doing. Many have deep regrets after the fact, because they never saw it coming.

If you create a loving and understanding atmosphere in your home you child will hopefully grow up confident enough in themselves that they will not need to fear being bullied. But if heaven forbid it happens they know, really know in their hearts that Mom and Dad are there for them and will help them get through it.

The biggest deterrent is being active in their lives and giving them the tools they need to grow up and handle different social situations. Don't be overly protective, but also be near to handle things as they occur, if they occur. There is no true prevention for bullying, it isn't just a "school age" problem either, it is something many people face for their entire lives.

From my own experience - the very rare cases of 'bullying' at my children's school have been dealt with quickly and efficiently by the teacher and principal. Despite the national headlines, it hasn't been a problem at all.

On a side note - I'm told that classmates and other pupils at the school think me to be scary - not just because I'm foreign but because I look like somewhere in between, and I quote, 'Jesus' and 'Johnny Depp' (I hope they don't mean as he is in Charlie and the Chocolate factory). Their words not mine, but they have a point.

You could try looking scary - could be a good deterrent.

Failing that, Obeika's post contains enough good advice to do all you can to prevent bullying.

cheers guy,
i am not the one who is worry, but the other half.
also i am sure that parents, would teach a child not to bully others, and how to deal whe the child is bullyed, i wonder if your government, and of course whatever society you are coming from is aware of it, and is doing anything about it.
parents can only do their best, sometime is not enough.
bullyng is a reality, can be in scholl, or working places, basically it is a power trip.
anyway, thanks for your input, much appreciated

thatsme said:

cheers guy,
i am not the one who is worry, but the other half.
also i am sure that parents, would teach a child not to bully others, and how to deal whe the child is bullyed, i wonder if your government, and of course whatever society you are coming from is aware of it, and is doing anything about it.
parents can only do their best, sometime is not enough.
bullyng is a reality, can be in scholl, or working places, basically it is a power trip.
anyway, thanks for your input, much appreciated

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Can I ask you a question here? Is your wife Japanese?

I know that the Japanese government is very concerned about the issue of bullying and suicides among children, but like many things here in Japan the attitude and challenges of finding acceptable solutions, it is similar to closing the barn door after the horse has already run out. Trying to do too much after the fact.

There are a few episodes that I am familiar with that I would like to share but the stories are way too long for a message board like this. Some teachers in school's are now having to go "above and beyond" the call of duty in responding to very real, or in some circumstances, not real at all and down right fake instances of children in need of help.

I know of a couple of cases that were similar to the story of "The Boy Who Called Wolf".

To say the least it is a very difficult and trying situation that the teachers and families face, particularly in a country that has a difficult time culturally talking openly about personal problems.

I would lastly add that I think while it is admirable and normal to be concerned about issues like this, but I also think it is a bit early in your child's life to be overly worried.

Get your wife prepared, but let your kid be a kid without burdening him or her with thoughts or ideas that just might be premature.

Obeika said:

Get your wife prepared, but let your kid be a kid without burdening him or her with thoughts or ideas that just might be premature.

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yeah she is japanese.
and i am just doing that.
he is too young to even contamplate what his future will be.
it is just that the recents news worried her.
anyway nothing to be alarmed for, just soemthing to think about.

thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Any deterrent?

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As some user said before, talk to the principal if you think is beyond limits.

For the long term... man! You live in Japan:

窶ｹﾃｳﾅｽﾃｨ !!!.

... I will say also, that you have to check if your kid has difficulties in finding a group or a club where he may find help in numbers.

Regards.

I read somewhere that this is the dark side of 'wa'. While the Japanese and perhaps other societies struggle with co-operating and being part of the group being taken too far, the individualistic societies struggle with a lot with the loneliness of an overly individualistic society (well, that's a different topic I suppose).

I've wondered whether my 7 year old son will ever have to worry about bullying, but perhaps not, since he often easily passes for a Japanese, and it seems young kids aren't quite prone to just following one person's lead. He will also be moving back to Canada in two years, and it was just my impression, but the worst of the bullying seemed to be during the junoir highschool times, when everyone's seeking to fit in somewhere, and people get nastier...

I think the worst of the problem is that the victim doesn't feel they can talk to anyone.... and I read the reason for that, but it's not coming to mind at the moment.

Obeika said:

I would suggest to be as active as you can in your child's education and learn to communicate with them so that they know that they can come to you at anytime and not be afraid to discuss anything with you ...

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It's been a long time since I saw a post I could completely agree with. Speaking from experience here - one boy now in J uni and his younger brother in J first-grade primary - I can say you hit the nail right on the head, every line. Great post. Thanks.