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Feeling down.

  • Author Author MitsuKasuka
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  • Blog entry read time Blog entry read time 2 min read
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So today my boyfriends dad died.

He was suffering with a rare incurable disease of the brain and had constant strokes, memory loss and also had cancer during his final years.

I never met him.


I feel so utterly helpless and upset, I wish I could do something about all of this - yet I fear that makes me selfish in this difficult situation.
I want to help, but I don't know how to.

Not only is my boyfriend dealing with losing the man who raised him (it's his adoptive father - the man is actually his biological granddad) but the other side of the family which includes his biological parents have taken over the entire funeral process, and corrupted the poor man's mind as he was dying - turning him against my boyfriend and his mum. They now cannot attend his funeral, and the plan is to have him cremated meaning there will be no grave marker, so nowhere for my boyfriend to mourn the loss of his dad.

His biological family are horrible people from what I've been told, his mother took drugs while pregnant with him, and he developed severe infantile meningitis and nearly died. I am forever grateful that he was bought up by his grandparents as he would not be the man I fell in love with if it were not for their patience and compassion.


I am truly heartbroken by how corrupt some people can be even during such a time - the death of a loved one should not segregate people, they should be joined in the common ground they share as being close to this one man. I don't think I'll ever understand why his family are doing this.

Comments

My heart goes out to both your boyfriend, and yourself. While I too would wish for some aspects of natural reality to not be as they are, I have found, time and time again, that wishful thinking does not, most usually, pay. Thus, being able to find a 'vision' (so to word it) which allows acceptance of the larger, much larger, overall 'big picture' really helps psychologically (which means both emotionally and intelligibly).

Your boyfriend's father remains within that which is your boyfriend. Please encourage, and along with, physically and mentally, help your boyfriend allow himself to stay in touch with that which is his father within the confines of his mental life. Share your support and love with him, and do not lapse into a negative view of the other side of the family. Let them be. Leave them out of the picture to whatever actually degree you can. Focus only on the positive elements of the relationship that your boyfriend's father had with your boyfriend, emphasizing that good, and leave all other negative, damaging asides out of it. I feel for you both and wish you both the best !! MM
 
He will eventually stop crying, what you can do is give him a good shoulder to lean and to cry on. A few weeks ago one of my aquantainces died, and she was only 10. These things happen, but you only live once so why not make that life as good as possible? When our lives are created, we are destined and fated to death. There isn't much we can do about it, and the fact that we die cannot be altered. When things like that happen, the victim's family and friends should have someone to support them, and to keep living with them.:sorry:
 
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