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Would you please check my sentences?

hirashin

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Dear native English teachers,
would you please correct my sentences if needed?

1 As the old saying goes, practice makes perfect.
2 According to the newspaper, this university was established more than two hundred years ago.
3 While I was in Kyoto, I tried to visit as many temples as possible.
4 The company has a lot of branch offices around the world.
5 Overeating is a major problem in many developed countries.
6 Jet lag is a common experience when you go abroad by plane.
7 Both Tom and Mike are motivated to learn Japanese because they want to visit Japan.
8 Our challenge is to make the world a better place without wars.
9 His winning three gold medals is a great achievement.
10 I introduced Tom to Mike at the party.
11 These are common mistakes among Japanese people.
12 People in my/the neighborhood often have parties at/in their homes/houses.
13 Come/Get here as early as possible tomorrow.
14 The company has more than one/a thousand branch offices in/around the world.
15 Someone spread the rumor to the whole town.

Thanks in advance.

Hirashin
 

Julie.chan

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Our challenge is to make the world a better place without wars.
This reads like you are challenging someone else to do so, which I don't think was your intended meaning. If you're talking about why something is difficult, it would be like this:

The challenge is to make the world a better place without wars.

And if you're just talking about an outcome you want to achieve, this is what you want:

Our goal is to make the world a better place without wars.

His winning three gold medals is a great achievement.
I think this is fine, but I much prefer one of these:

Him winning three gold medals is a great achievement.
Winning three gold medals is a great achievement for him.
His obtainment of three gold medals is a great achievement.


I have no comments on the others, they're all perfect.
 

hirashin

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Thank you very much for your corrections. I appreciate your ongoing help.
 

Stavecrow

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In British English it would be more colloquial to say:
No.6 Jet lag is a common experience when you fly abroad.

No. 7 Someone spread the rumour around the whole town

Loose the u in rumour for US standard spelling of course
 

Stavecrow

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I should have added
With 7, whilst it is correct to say a rumour spreads generally, we also tend to say a rumour circulates around a thing, and since you are specifically mentioning the town, ‘around’ works better.
 

hirashin

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Thank you for the help, Stavecrow.

You are from Britain.
What do you think about 9?
Do you agree with Julimaruchan?
I'd also like to hear your opinion as a British person. (Please correct this sentence if needed.)
 

Stavecrow

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Yes I’m from just outside London so I tend to speak with a London/Kentish dialect and accent.

As far as “challenge” and “goal” are concerned I agree ‘challenge’ is about the process, ‘goal’ refers to the aim, but I could quite see a politician saying “Our challenge” because it implies pulling together to achieve something

As far as British English (London based),dialect is concerned:
In 10 I would use ‘and’ rather than ‘to’

In 11 I might use ‘amongst’ but I suspect that sounds very British to most US English speakers

In 13 I might use ‘soon’ rather than ‘early’ - but ‘early’ is more precise

And in 14 I would use ‘a thousand’ rather than ‘one thousand’
 

hirashin

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Hmm...Interesting. Thanks for the help, Stavecrow. 

How about this?
Him winning three gold medals is a great achievement.
Winning three gold medals is a great achievement for him.
His obtainment of three gold medals is a great achievement.
Do British people also prefer to say those than my version "His winning three gold medals is a great achievement"?
 

Stavecrow

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“His winning” sounds fine to me,
You could say “His winning of three gold medals” that is more precise but we truncate the sentence normally
 

joadbres

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Loose the u in rumour for US standard spelling of course
And lose one of the o's in "Loose" for standard spelling in any English-speaking country.

...

"His winning three gold medals is a great achievement." is natural English, and perfectly fine.
 

hirashin

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Thanks for the help, Stavecrow and joadbres.
 

Bunkerhill

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9 His winning three gold medals is a great achievement.

This is perfectly fine.
I could go on eBay right now and ' obtain ' three gold medals. It's different to win a gold medal than it is to obtain a gold medal.
 

hirashin

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Thanks, Bunkerhill. Would you explain how "obtain a gold medal" is different than "win a gold medal"? Do you also say "get a gold medal"?
 

Bunkerhill

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Certainly, Hirashin.

You ' win a gold medal ' for an achievement. An Olympic athlete can win a gold medal in a competition. It is a great achievement accomplished after a lot of hard work, training and preparation. It is also a very difficult accomplishment.

To ' obtain a gold medal ' can be done in different ways but does not indicate or include hard work, training, preparation or even accomplishment. I could purchase a gold medal on eBay, I could inherit one from a relative and in both instances I have ' obtained a gold medal ' but I sure didn't ' win a gold medal '.

I hope I have helped rather than confused you!
 

hirashin

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Thanks for the explanation, Bunkerhill. Would " get a gold medal" be the same as "obtain a gold medal"?
 

Bunkerhill

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Hello Hirashin. Pretty much the same. Although both are a little awkward in a sentence.
' I will attend the antique show and get a gold medal '
and
' I will attend the antique show and obtain a gold medal ' work but seem very odd.

Same thing with ' I will compete in the Olympics and get a gold medal ' works but seems very odd.

In the first example you would more likely use the word ' buy ' or ' purchase '.

' I will attend the antique show and buy a gold medal ' and ' I will attend the antique show and purchase a gold medal ' makes far more sense and sounds perfectly normal.
 

hirashin

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I see. Thanks for the explanation, Bunkerhill.
 

Bunkerhill

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My pleasure, Hirashin. If I can be of any help in the future please feel free to contact me.

I wish you the best of luck!
 

hirashin

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Thanks for your kind offer, Bunkerhill.
 
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