What's new

Welcome to Japan Reference (JREF) - the community for all Things Japanese.

Join Today! It is fast, simple, and FREE!

Woman Advice ( I am confused )


7 Jul 2004
Reaction score
Had this thing weighing on my mind for a month or two now and I thought I would share it in the hopes of getting it solved. I'll try and keep it short..

I'm in grade 12 and in september of 2004 my school had Japanese students over for a two week period. I hosted two girls at my house and another girl at my school who I know hosted two girls also. One of these girls who stayed with my friend really started to get friendly with me after about one week. She would talk to me, give me warm smiles and touch me softly on the arm, etc, stuff that I would normally interpret as something that means she's interested.

We've been emailing each other several times a week since then. She's given me presents and send me mail with pictures of her and a birthday card for me when I turned 18. Two weeks from now I'm leaving for Japan where I'll be going to her school for 3 months. She told me she has a boyfriend but wants to do stuff with me when I'm over there.

I know this post sounds quite dumb but I'm caught on what I should do. Up to when she told me she had a boyfriend I considered her as a dating option. I was quite interested in her and very attracted. But since she told me about the other guy I've rethought how I should think of her (as in available or unavailable).

I don't want to steal her from her boyfriend or anything because for all I know he might be a really nice guy that I turn out liking. So did I misinterpret her in some way? Any advice is welcomed here.


4 Nov 2003
Reaction score
Go and be yourself. No sense jumping to conclusions. When the truth reveals itself handle it to your hearts desire if you truly wish to not impose on her but as a friends then do so but if you want more maybe that should be express. Best answer to your problem is Communication.


18 Mar 2005
Reaction score
If I reach very deep into my mind I can almost remember what it was like to be your age, of course back then a lot of our time was consumed with running from dinosaurs. If you are anything like I was at that age it seems like the sun rises and sets with girls, and if there is one special girl it feels even more so, but my advice to you is to relax and enjoy yourself, if she "just wants to be friends" accept that and be friends while looking around for a romantic interest. When you can relax and let your real personality shine through it is amazing how often "just friends" relationships can evolve into something more. If it happens great if it doesn't she might turn into a very valuable friend. The most important thing is to show her you respect her feelings and wishes, which shows her you value her no matter what road your lives take.


tsuyaku o tsukete kudasai
19 Jan 2005
Reaction score
i agree entirely with TheKansaiKid

im 19 so i still remember somewhat clearly that stage where their was no life without girls, that thinknig of them and trying to get one was as essential as breathing and that i had no future prospects without a girl, or any social standing or anything really, lol.

my advice, for the best or worst, is that she has a boyfriend, so my advice is to continue being good friends, and to try and direct your girl interest elsewhere for the mean-time....its ultimatly up to her to decide between her boyfriend or you, and i also admire that you understand that her boyfriend is a decent guy like most people, and that you are concerned for his feelings.

if she chooses you, you can explore that special knida relationship i feel you can only have with a japanese girl genuinly interested in you, you will get to learn about her, and her culture, aswell as how suprisingly and refreshingly sincere and empathetic a japanese girl can be (though i dont clai mthat all japanese women are such angels, but this girl seems nice).

if not, then you can feel secure in the knowledge you have a very good friend, and their's an old saying that sometimes ring's true "Girlfriends come and go but friends are forever"
Top Bottom