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what should I do...

hurddawg

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Hello, I've been surfing the forum for a while and finally decided to ask for some advice. The reason for this post is because it is very unique and I need some help.

Last September, I met a very nice j-girl (let's call her a-ko) and like her a lot. Since then our relationship has matured into friendship. She's a beautiful, interesting and funny and I'd like to extend our relationship 😌 . We both attend the same school, although she is freshman meanwhile I'm a senior, however we are roughly the same age. Originally I had thought I keep the relationship at friendship level (at the time I was eyeing another J-girl at another school :p ), however one day she changed (early November). She started dressing up really nice and started putting on make-up. This caught my attention. The thing of it is that just a weekend prior to her changing, I had told a friend of mine that I liked a j-girl (at the other school, but I never said who or where) and was looking for advice. The connection between all this is that A-ko also knew this friend fairly well. So I took it that they spoke to each other and she found out about my feelings. I was really happy :D. I didn't ask her out, but I was preparing to.

I didn't get a chance to speak to her about what she was doing for a couple of days but when I did, she couldn't look at me (looking down) and she eventually told me it was a secret (it took her a while to get that out). Again, I was really happy. However, this is where it turns grim and unique. I was teasing her about what she was doing and she finally told me. I was very sorry that I did. She had told me that she was either raped or it was attempted, I'm not so clear on which b/c once I heard rape and おそわれた (osowareta), I was kicking myself in the pants while she was talking about it. After being an idiot, for a couple days I spoke to her only off and on. Unfortunately this was also the day I had intended to ask her out. However, since then we've been fine. Point to note, she did come over to my place for Thanksgiving and she seemed to have a good time (I also invited another friend).

Today I was talking to her for an extended period and was asking her stuff about relationships. She appears to have no clue that I have feelings for her, if she does she hides it well. It could be possible that I've hidden it as well, but I've told her she's beautiful (out of the blue) before, she's also asked me if she was fat once (it was out of the blue also) and I said she was perfect (she really is). Only odd thing was the fact that she couldn't stay still...it was like she needed to go to the bathroom. She was walking around, and fidgeting. I almost let the cat out of the bag but I wasn't sure it enough time has past. Surely after her incident she has lost trust in guys.

Anyway, I hate to have to wait to ask her out any longer and I hate that I waited this long. At the same time, I hate to lose what we already have...

I'll see her again this Sunday at 3:30, for a HW assignment and then won't she her again until Wed and Fri. Fri would be the last day unless I call or email her. At the current time I intend on telling her I like her on Sunday.

I apologize for the long post but I feel that all the info is fairly important in this case.

other pertinent info-

-All of our conversations are carried out in Japanese, unless I don't know a word and I just substitue it with English. Also, I actually don't know her english capability. I assume its pretty good since she is here on her own accord (not exchange student).

-I'm Japanese-American. Fluent in Japanese although I have trouble reading and writing it.

-I lived in Tokyo for most of my childhood through middle school, then I atteneded an American high school. The School I attended in Tokyo is St. Mary's Int'l. NOTE this is a Boys only school!

-Female relations is not my forte. I attended a boys only school all the way through middle school.

-school is ending. its finals week in 2 weeks. After my last final I leave for Tokyo (only time I hated going) and will be back between the 27-29 of Dec. I will probably see her between the 29 and the 2nd, as I'm helping putting carpet in her room. However we won't have class together until Feb. I hate to leave that much time...i've lost too many b/c I was slow to act.
 

Winter

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So....your question is if you should ask her out or not?

Well....do you want to spend some time with her? Obviously you do. Then yes, you should ask her out.

Duh.
 

Winter

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Ask yourself that. How badly do you want to spend some time with her?

Its not like it has to be serious time. Cant you just ask her out on a leisurely date over a banana smoothie?

Her being raped/almost/not quite, is not going to be the stopping point in her life. She's moving on with her life, I'm sure.

Put it this way, if you want to go out with her, you have to ask. If you dont, you wont.
 

hurddawg

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asking her out isn't a problem.

I just wanted to make sure it wasn't a big problem. I was just wondering if i should wait even if i don't want to
 

Winter

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Sure, keep waiting just long enough for someone else to ask her out.

Just ask her out, already. If the rape is troubling her, then offer her escape. Take her dancing, or to an arcade, just something to take her mind off of the troubles in her life, and have some decent fun for a change.
 
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