I joined this site a couple of weeks ago because I had a boyfriend who is half-Japanese. We have since ended our relationship, and here's why:
About 3 years ago, he met a young Japanese college student here in America. He claimed it was only a sexual relationship and he wasn't in love at all. She became pregnant after several months. To keep his child in America, he married her when she was 8 months pregnant. When we met he was separated from his Japanese wife.
He was adamant about his marriage being a greencard one, or matter of convenience to a keep his daughter close to him. He was going to divorce her as soon as her greencard came through anyway, and that it was never a real marriage. When we met, she was in Japan with their daughter visiting her family, and threatening not to come back. She ends up coming back here to America anyway, and all hell breaks loose.
I found out that he abuses her. Beats her. Talks to her like she's worth nothing. I've seen email exchanges and I've heard phone conversations. He threatens her all the time, but she doesn't seem to care as long as he stays married to her. As long as he physically stays in the marriage. My ex-boyfriend is wealthy and she doesn't want to be a single mother.........She wants the financial lifestyle he can provide.
This is why we broke up. He's never treated me this way, but that doesn't mean he won't in the future (and I just don't tolerate domestic abuse of any kind, period). Everytime he tried to begin the process of separation and filing for divorce, she would threaten to go back to Japan and take their daughter with her. Right now, she has what is called a Conditional Visa/Greencard, which is not permanent residency in the U.S. She has to stay married to my ex-boyfriend for three years before she can recieve her Unconditional Visa/Permanent U.S. residency.
She can file for divorce herself and claim asylum to get permanent residency faster, but she's not trying to divorce him. If he files for divorce, she runs the risk of being deported since it's before the 3 year mark. They've been legally married for just over two years.
His wife is paying a price to be with him, that I can't ever pay for anybody. He can literally do whatever he wants and treat her however he wants, just as long as he physically stays married to her. She doesn't care if he sleeps with other women, or beats her into a bloody pile. But she will desperately fight for his presence in her life. Example: Telling him that she loves him forever, right after he tried to strangle her.
My ex-boyfriend is the product of a U.S. soldier stationed in Japan, and a Japanese mother. His father got his mother pregnant and they ended up getting married under the same circumstances. When his father brought his mother here she spoke absolutely no English (like my ex's wife). I wonder if the anger and violence I heard and read about in the emails is how his father treated his mother.
His family knows about the domestic violence, but they seem to want him to stay with his wife. Like it's normal. He has a sister who's been in an abusive relationship for years. She has three kids by a loser who still won't marry her.
I already told my ex-boyfriend that his daughter will be visiting him in jail, if he tried any of that mess with me. So he might as well stay married to his wife if he thinks he can do whatever he wants. Eventually, she's going to get tired of getting beat up, and even worse......His daughter is going to grow up and find a mate just like her father...............
How prevalent is domestic violence with U.S. Soldiers and Japanese women? Especially within marriage? I researched the philosophy behind "Gamen", so I realize what some Japanese women will do to stay married. No different than other cultures when it comes to women, but I don't think Domestic violence is addressed in Japanese society like it is in America. This young Japanese woman seems to love my ex-boyfriend more than she loves their daughter, much less herself.
My ex-boyfriend kept telling me how sexist Japanese men are (he was born in Tokyo but raised here in America. Visits Japan yearly to see his family on his mother's side), but I'm not buying it. Nor am I going to put up with it. Plus, his father is American, and I think much of his attitude has to do with an American male controlling a seemingly passive Japanese woman. The typical stereotype that as a woman, I don't want to believe.
So is this situation typical?
About 3 years ago, he met a young Japanese college student here in America. He claimed it was only a sexual relationship and he wasn't in love at all. She became pregnant after several months. To keep his child in America, he married her when she was 8 months pregnant. When we met he was separated from his Japanese wife.
He was adamant about his marriage being a greencard one, or matter of convenience to a keep his daughter close to him. He was going to divorce her as soon as her greencard came through anyway, and that it was never a real marriage. When we met, she was in Japan with their daughter visiting her family, and threatening not to come back. She ends up coming back here to America anyway, and all hell breaks loose.
I found out that he abuses her. Beats her. Talks to her like she's worth nothing. I've seen email exchanges and I've heard phone conversations. He threatens her all the time, but she doesn't seem to care as long as he stays married to her. As long as he physically stays in the marriage. My ex-boyfriend is wealthy and she doesn't want to be a single mother.........She wants the financial lifestyle he can provide.
This is why we broke up. He's never treated me this way, but that doesn't mean he won't in the future (and I just don't tolerate domestic abuse of any kind, period). Everytime he tried to begin the process of separation and filing for divorce, she would threaten to go back to Japan and take their daughter with her. Right now, she has what is called a Conditional Visa/Greencard, which is not permanent residency in the U.S. She has to stay married to my ex-boyfriend for three years before she can recieve her Unconditional Visa/Permanent U.S. residency.
She can file for divorce herself and claim asylum to get permanent residency faster, but she's not trying to divorce him. If he files for divorce, she runs the risk of being deported since it's before the 3 year mark. They've been legally married for just over two years.
His wife is paying a price to be with him, that I can't ever pay for anybody. He can literally do whatever he wants and treat her however he wants, just as long as he physically stays married to her. She doesn't care if he sleeps with other women, or beats her into a bloody pile. But she will desperately fight for his presence in her life. Example: Telling him that she loves him forever, right after he tried to strangle her.
My ex-boyfriend is the product of a U.S. soldier stationed in Japan, and a Japanese mother. His father got his mother pregnant and they ended up getting married under the same circumstances. When his father brought his mother here she spoke absolutely no English (like my ex's wife). I wonder if the anger and violence I heard and read about in the emails is how his father treated his mother.
His family knows about the domestic violence, but they seem to want him to stay with his wife. Like it's normal. He has a sister who's been in an abusive relationship for years. She has three kids by a loser who still won't marry her.
I already told my ex-boyfriend that his daughter will be visiting him in jail, if he tried any of that mess with me. So he might as well stay married to his wife if he thinks he can do whatever he wants. Eventually, she's going to get tired of getting beat up, and even worse......His daughter is going to grow up and find a mate just like her father...............
How prevalent is domestic violence with U.S. Soldiers and Japanese women? Especially within marriage? I researched the philosophy behind "Gamen", so I realize what some Japanese women will do to stay married. No different than other cultures when it comes to women, but I don't think Domestic violence is addressed in Japanese society like it is in America. This young Japanese woman seems to love my ex-boyfriend more than she loves their daughter, much less herself.
My ex-boyfriend kept telling me how sexist Japanese men are (he was born in Tokyo but raised here in America. Visits Japan yearly to see his family on his mother's side), but I'm not buying it. Nor am I going to put up with it. Plus, his father is American, and I think much of his attitude has to do with an American male controlling a seemingly passive Japanese woman. The typical stereotype that as a woman, I don't want to believe.
So is this situation typical?