Translating a song

[cyberone]

I’m in need of assistance, currently translating a song but I got stuck on a line (marked with ?????).

 

[Toritoribe]

The 1st and 2nd lines
Those are conditional clauses. Notice that they are 辿ったって and 呪ったって, not 辿って and 呪って.

4th
I think 救えないのだろう is the speaker's guess, not a tag question for confirmation.

6th
温まる is intransitive, not transitive 温める.

7th and 8th
There is no conditional clause there.
The 7th line is the main clause, and the 8th is an adverbial clause. (Check again the function of ～ように.)

9th~11th
The 9th and 10th lines are the objects of 愛してみせる.

17th
What part don't you understand specifically?

19th and 21st
Again, check the function of ～ように.


Try to translate the whole lyrics again.

 

[cyberone]

Try to translate the whole lyrics again.

Is this better?

 

[Toritoribe]

The 1st and 2nd lines
The new translation is better than the previous one, but that's too-much-free translation.
I don't think the difference is subtle between the original and the followings, i.e., your new translation.
笑えない日々を辿れるし
変わらない今も呪えるけど

I would simply use the "even if" construction, as the original means.

6th
You still are misunderstanding the intransitive 温まる.

9th~11th
Again, the 9th and 10th lines are the objects of 愛してみせる.
This ならば is not conditional.

17th
You translated 変わっていく to "will change", right? Then, where does "to turn" come from?
It's also possible to interpret that に indicates the result of change other than the particle to indicate the time of the action, as you did.


Is there a reason you just pasted pictures instead of posting texts directly?

 

[cyberone]

Is there a reason you just pasted pictures instead of posting texts directly?
17th line

-I used a friend's translation
-I find it easier to show and is more visually appealing.
also, i didnt mention it the first time, but i only know english to a casual extent. terms like 'transitive', 'objects of', 'conditional' ect are difficult for me to understand and since my native tongue has different grammatical rules, i cant exactly translate their meanings. If you ask me why im translating this song like this then its because its the only language i can get help in from japanese speakers. after im done with english i will then re-translate the text in my native language.
this will probably my last message since i've been stuck on this project for well over a month and i dont wish to keep asking over and over when im not making progress

 

[Toritoribe]

I used a friend's translation

Just for confirmation, does that mean you actually didn't translate the lyrics?

i only know english to a casual extent. terms like 'transitive', 'objects of', 'conditional' ect are difficult for me to understand and since my native tongue has different grammatical rules, i cant exactly translate their meanings.

Then, I have to say that your project is beyond your ability...

 

[cyberone]

Just for confirmation, does that mean you actually didn't translate the lyrics?

no, the lyrics are entirely mine. except that one line i said it was my friend's