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The Laws of physics...no..wait...of Anime!

silver angel

Resident Latina
26 Sep 2003
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Law of Nasal Sanguination Law of Nasal Sanguination
Version 6.0
Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito

Read about the history of the Laws of Anime.


Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.

Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

Law of Inexhaustability
No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
be female,
will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation,
and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!


Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.

Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).

Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.

Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

Law of Musical Omnipotence

Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:

The Hero/Leader
His girlfriend
His Best Friend/Rival
A Hulking Brute
A Dwarf/Kid

Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:

Extreme Coolness
Amazing intelligence
Incredible Irritation



Law of Extradimensional Capacitance

All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue. Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
----------------------
I rest my case. :D
I found this at:anime cafe
 
That's great, and it's dead-on, too! There are so many that are just hilarious that I can't single any one of them out! :D :D :D :D
 
Absolutly fantastic! Silver Angel, I salute you (and thanks for giving credit for your source)!
 
I found one that didn't make it for some reason:

Law of Americanthropomorphism

Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.

First Corollary:
The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)

Second Corollary:
The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

:D :D
 
Glenn said:
That's great, and it's dead-on, too! There are so many that are just hilarious that I can't single any one of them out! :D :D :D :D

i can :D:D:D:D:D
Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

this is great sil-chan *high five* :p
 
*high fives* 👍
just telllin' it how it is.... :)
@ Glen: I wasn't sure if some people would understand some of them so I cut a few out... :p

I did grade 11 physics so I thought it was even more hillarious because I understood it :D :D :D
 
Ah, I see. But that was the only one that I saw that was cut. Hmm, maybe I'll have to look again.
 
somehow I had seen this law at another forum, except taht the last time i saw the list, it was waaaaaayy longer than this. but anyhow, my memory got refreshed after seeing this. :D
 
Well, how about an addendum to the Law of Probable Attire:

Skirts for female characters will be of sufficiently flimsy material that will billow upwards in even the slightest breeze so panties (always white, NO exceptions) can be shown.
:D
 
Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue. Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

Oh yea! Thats a smoooooooooooooooooooooooooth operator 😌
 
Have seen some men get excited enough to get nose bleeds...so not sure if that qualifies as an anime law only :D
 
Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

Minmei is the american spelling from Robotech, Minmay is the proper english spelling of the Japanese classic.
and

Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.


this idiot is too stupid to understand the deeper allegory behind macross which is Pacisfism vs War. Most of the others are true, especially for less intelligent animes that are intended to be funny. But this example had everything to do with the story itself.
 
I didn't know that! Hmmmm interesting...Oh geez I haven't seen macross for years..

@ Esca, that's my theme song! *smooth operator.....*
 
I think there should be one more
Law of fanatic-ism
There will always be a group of males (also regarded as the "lonely fan boys") That will be convinced that a female anime character exists. No matter what.

(this is from Mega Tokyo )
 

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Very nice list indeed :D

"Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds."
Well, perhaps the blood just gets confused and goes to the wrong end of the body?
 
Lina Inverse said:
Very nice list indeed :D

"Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds."
Well, perhaps the blood just gets confused and goes to the wrong end of the body?


[Points to AvA]
Due to a smooooooooooth operatah :haihai:

-Just felt like showing off a new ava. :D -
 
silver angel said:
What can I say? I know how to attract 'em...:D jk jk I usually repel them... LOL

😊REPEL!
Well i take it as more opportunity for me to sliddddddddddde right in and take they place! 😌 FOOLS!
 
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