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The Epic Thread


Omnipotence personified
15 Mar 2003
The only rule is you must write in epic prose and in short segments- Carry on as you wish 😄

And Lo! There came upon the land an Age of Emptiness. Wherein the Great Halls of Learning had been abandoned, until that time whence the Prophets and Wonder-workers would once again call forth the Little Ones and make the halls echo with the joyus Sounds. I.e. September 1st.

And the Great Lords spake unto Him from their seats on-high saying "Thou shall arrive here with the crowing of the first birds of the morning and not leave until the 16th hour of Sun. Thou shall be free of all toil and tests, yet in this desk you must stay. "Work" hard and our mighty hands shalt not smote thee in our anger and rage."

And He looked around him, and He was bored.
Yet amongst boredom arose a deviant thought brought forth by what elders would consider a magnificent display of one owns sagacity and it was apon the 16th hour when such the golden sun was draped in darkness that the villagers rested without stein nor pillow-top rather fair folk rested to the blanket of night and twas the night before Christmas.

A great hunger arose in Him, on this Eve of Christmas, and steeled for things both horrible and amazing broke the first seal on the box of ice. Woe! Such vitals as had been entombed had, by some evil, formed into shapes that were not to be brought to human mouths. Except for a lone jar of mayo.

"The Feast for Christmas! What evil molds has turned thee into a bountiful playground of biology students! Yet my hunger is great, and yonder mayo is reserved only for unions with tasty breads as one might find in your finer baking establishments." A blackened soul, garmets rent, teeth gnashing, such a noise was made that day of which children still speak of in whispers.

In this pain, from the depths of His heart awakened a longing for the sight of his true love, Florence. She was also better at keeping food fresh...
Florence was neither evil nor good, though such truths would reflect thy lies during several nebulous approaches made by lesser heart.

"Thou shall not reveal for truth is of non-existence," Florence explained while breaking bread toasted warm. It was then off yonder a different feast was being held where as unlike that of Florence's bread it was the host of bountiful flavor, tables aligned with magnificent dishes of meat and tainted glasses of wine.

The people drank.
And, lo, there came into the land of long forgotten threads a man of noble birth who was seeking enlightenment and knowledge of the past, came upon this mighty, yet timid tome. He spake unto himself, "I shall bring you back from the realms of limbo and send you forth upon the newbies", and thus with a word it was done, for that is the power of reaching into history.
Stars have foretold a great darkening. Truth and Justice shall be become one, and newbies will rejoice, for Ignorance now reigns supreme. Oceans boiled, skies beckoned, and behold, a voice in the distance rang true and right. "Enter thy dominion, and ye will be sanctified" cried out a booming, yet welcoming voice. The Age of Trolls has come.
Thus following the ancient rites of passage associated with the Age of Trolls, Mongolian fertility scrolls were distributed to the people. As Tycles and Heroff, the twin moons, entered their century-long eclipse, the rain began to fall, it's gentle pitter patter mimcking the tears of a fat man who'd run out of pork rinds.

Somewhere in the distance a camel cried its own name and smoked cigarettes of cloves. No one heard its song.

And so the young warrior, knowing what he must do, took up his flute and began to playing his melancholy song of war. Three peas shot out of the flute, one for each year he would entire exile.
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