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Should I make a move ...? Love-dilemma.

tomodachi_dan

先輩
4 Jan 2005
23
1
13
Hey everybody,

I'm not sure if this is the right place for my thread. Please forgive me if it isn't. I have a bit of a love-dilemma going on at the moment with a Japanese friend of mine, Mariko.

I'll give you a quick background to my story. I'm an 18 year old first-year at university. About three months ago, I befriended Mariko. She's 30 and she's over here in the UK learning English until September.

I'm learning Japanese part-time at my university, so she's helping me with that and I'm helping her with English in return. We've become best friends in such a short time. We always call and meet up for food, drinks and to watch (Japanese!) movies. She has a boyfriend back in Japan, but she's going to break up with him because he lives in Narita. Mariko is from Yokohama and she thinks it's too far away to move in with him and eventually get married to him when she returns home.

Anyway, I've never been close with an Asian girl before, and from what I've read on this board anyway, they don't tend to flirt or talk about their feelings for other guys to their faces (correct me if I'm wrong). But she's been quite happy in the past to touch hands (we played one of those dumb clapping games that Japanese girls play!). We've even had a few nice hugs and she's even kissed me on the cheek before.

So, from a cultural point of view, would it be too much for her if I asked her how she felt about me? She's already told me that she feels jealous when I meet other Japanese girls and also that she feels comfortable and open with me when we're together. I don't want to spoil anything between us, but I'm crazy about Mariko. I'd like us to go further. But I don't know how or even when I should "make a move".

Ahhh ... young love! Heehee! :p
 
18 and 30... It's a big difference.. But then, my grandparents have a difference of 15 years and they're fine. I'd say tell her how you feel and just hope that if she only likes you as friend she's a good enough friend to not get scared! But then, that's just my approach. I always prefer things are out in the open
 
Correct my if I'm wrong but don't you think if she's planning to break up with her boyfriend because of the distance between them she won't want to start anything with you since she's going back to Yokohama?
 
A small advise from Japanese man.
Japanese people tend not to open their mind straight ( including me).
Mariko-san is the same I guess, but she already express her mind clearly.
She feels jealous when you meet other Japanese girls. This is the answer.

As you think about the difference of age, she think about it more than you do. So, she can never express her will to go further with you from her.
You have to start. She is ready and waiting and wondering what you feel to her as you are thinking.
You should know she is not a girl. But remenber Japanese women sometimes say oppsite to their mind. Its mostly just a pose.

For example, she might say that she and your age is so differnt, so we cannot go further. What do you think about it? Is she saying NO?

In this case, she is saying the problem is the age-differnce. That mean if there is no problem about it, she wants to go for it.
Dont take as she says if the answer is not good enough for you.
She feel anxious about the age more than you for sure. So she cannot move from her.

All you have to do is tell her and make her understand that you surely recognize the differnce of age but it wont be any problem for you.
Anyway, you get rid of her anxity one by one. She is wating for your move.

What do you think my opinion?
 
👍
Kerog said:
A small advise from Japanese man.
Japanese people tend not to open their mind straight ( including me).
Mariko-san is the same I guess, but she already express her mind clearly.
She feels jealous when you meet other Japanese girls. This is the answer.

As you think about the difference of age, she think about it more than you do. So, she can never express her will to go further with you from her.
You have to start. She is ready and waiting and wondering what you feel to her as you are thinking.
You should know she is not a girl. But remenber Japanese women sometimes say oppsite to their mind. Its mostly just a pose.

For example, she might say that she and your age is so differnt, so we cannot go further. What do you think about it? Is she saying NO?

In this case, she is saying the problem is the age-differnce. That mean if there is no problem about it, she wants to go for it.
Dont take as she says if the answer is not good enough for you.
She feel anxious about the age more than you for sure. So she cannot move from her.

All you have to do is tell her and make her understand that you surely recognize the differnce of age but it wont be any problem for you.
Anyway, you get rid of her anxity one by one. She is wating for your move.

What do you think my opinion?

👍 I think that is good advice. Sometimes I wonder what my japanese female friends are thinking. good insight i think.
 
I'd just like to say "GO" for the age difference. I'll be 29 in July and there's someone, who is 18, that I would get with if I wasn't married. ☝

Well, I think Kerog is right. He knows. I've witnessed that kind of behavior many times, and been the recipient of it. :eek:
 
kirei_na_me said:
I'd just like to say "GO" for the age difference. I'll be 29 in July and there's someone, who is 18, that I would get with if I wasn't married. ☝

Well, I think Kerog is right. He knows. I've witnessed that kind of behavior many times, and been the recipient of it. :eek:

I don't think we could go out kirei....... :eek:
it just wouldn't work out....... :eek:

:p
 
Don't be shy, you should tell her that you like her instead of asking her how she feels about you.

But, I would be concerned about the fact that she hasn't broken up with her boyfriend yet.
 
My live-in boyfriend of three (3) years is twenty (20) years my senior. I love him very much, and am looking forward to our wedding in June.
I don't think the age difference was ever a problem for us, but it was for many other people (such as my father)
Luckily I do not have to answer to my father, so we are going along with our future together.
As far as my thoughts on the original post by TOMODACHI DAN, I think that you should just take things slow, and not to worry about making "your move" before she ends things with her boyfriend back in Japan. Do you think that it is fair to him that you are romancing his girlfriend?
Anyways, this is just my two cents.
 
Maybe she needs an additional incentive to dump the boyfriend. You can be that incentive.
 
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