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Seeking advice on my relationship with a Japanese Girl

KirinoL

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Hi guys, I've no idea who to ask and I have no experience with dating a Japanese girl. I gonna be straight forward and if I did something weird/wrong, please tell me. I'm totally open to any advice and sorry if I offend/disgrace any Japanese here.

So here's the story(I try my best to summarized it)...

I met her on Tinder a month ago, we chat for a bit and found out that she mistaken me as a Japanese because of my photos. Even though we have language barrier, we did manage to meet up the following week.

I feel in love with her on our first met, probably because of her cute appearance. We tried our best to chat, just to know each other more even thought we have language barrier. Apparently her English its not that great, same goes to my Japanese as well. Maybe love at first sight blinded me, I told her that I like her and would like to spend more time with her while I try to master my Japanese. She did mention that she want to improve her English as well so we hang out for 2 days straight and I even end up at her apartment on both nights.

On the first day everything seems normal, we hang out, have a drink, went to for groceries, dinner, then we end up at her apartment. We sat at the living room and chat again. This is when things started to change, I told her that I like her and I hope we could spend more time together. As we talk, we started to have some physical interactions such as in touches and hugs. I assume that is a "OK" sign and I was so happy about it. I went home after that and she texted me, thanking me for meeting up with her even though I stayed 40mins drive away from her.

I woke up the following day, wasn't expecting to meet up with her again. But then she told me, she is lonely and just got back from shopping in the evening. I told her if I could come over and she is okay. So I went to her place and chat again. I even brought my Japanese Language book just to practice my Japanese with her while I taught her some English as well. We did get a bit comfy and started kissing... then she said, she is tired, so we went to cuddle for about an hour and then follow up with some "sexy time". I'm aware that things escalate very quickly so I asked if she could be my girl friend since we did these kind of stuff already. She didn't reject my propose(maybe she did) and told me that we should take things slowly so we could understand each other more.

I was okay with that and I asked hows her relationships before this, apparently she have not been into many relationships but she broke up with her ex boy friends because she is planning to work in Malaysia. She told me that she wanted a guy who doesn't cheat, so I assume she is kinda loyal in relationship which makes me want her even more. She did mention if I want to stay over night with her but I can't because it's too sudden and I don't want to be questioned by my parents yet. I plan to tell them after our relationship is stable so I gave her a hug and kiss before I left.

Since that day until now, I've been texting her almost everyday. Trying to understand her even more but she kept said she is busy with overtime work & friends. We didn't get to meet up either. I'm fine with her hanging out with colleague and friends since everyone have their on privacy time as well. I asked her if I can come over for 30mins or an hour just to keep in touch with her, knowing that she have work on the next day. But she rejected... few days ago, I happened to be near her apartment, so I went there and waited for her in my car. I text her saying "It is okay if I see you for a while and then I'll leave? I don't mind to wait for you.", she rejected again saying she is still with her friend.

We did followed each other on Instagram as well and I found out that she blocked me from viewing her Instagram stories. Maybe she doesn't want anyone know we're together yet since its so early? I did tagged her once in one of my Instagram story and post on our second meet up. I did research a bit on "Dating a Japanese girl Guide", it says that Japanese will keep their relationship to themselves first before letting their parents/friends know about it?

I miss her every single day and wanted to see her in real but I couldn't. My parents already knew about her, I told them last week and I thought we will be fine. Unfortunately, things turn out this way and I'm confused. My instinct told me, maybe I'm just a "another friend" to her. But she told me that is loyal and we should take things slowly. I'm so lost right now. I hated this feeling where you miss someone but you can't do anything about it.

Come think of it, she rarely ask anything about me. Maybe because of language barrier? Or maybe she doesn't have any interest on me at all? I've no idea... even until to this moment as I'm posting this...

Please advice and ask me anything if you want to know more. Oneigaishimasu.
 

Lothor

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Thanks for your interesting post. I think you can eliminate the language barrier as a problem - things worked out between me and my Japanese girlfriend (now wife of 14 years) despite us both being crap at each others' languages when we first met. A general trait of the Japanese is that they are much less inclined to visit each other's homes than most other people. If she wants to 'take things slowly', it may be better to meet somewhere outside for a date. How about leaving things for a few days, think about what you both might enjoy doing, then invite her out for a date and see how that goes? Good luck.
 

KirinoL

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Thanks for the advice Lothor. I agreed that the language barrier is not an issue if we get to know more each another more. And I don't mind to slow things down but she doesn't show any interest in asking anything about me. I don't even have a chance to date her somewhere else since she kept rejecting it. What made me confused was she kept saying things like "We should cook together", "Let's go there soon!", and etc...

I guess, I will wait for few days just like what you've suggested. Not gonna text her too and see what's her response. I really hope it will turn out well.
 

jt9258

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Thanks for the advice Lothor. I agreed that the language barrier is not an issue if we get to know more each another more. And I don't mind to slow things down but she doesn't show any interest in asking anything about me. I don't even have a chance to date her somewhere else since she kept rejecting it. What made me confused was she kept saying things like "We should cook together", "Let's go there soon!", and etc...

I guess, I will wait for few days just like what you've suggested. Not gonna text her too and see what's her response. I really hope it will turn out well.

Did these meetings take place in your country or Japan?
 

KirinoL

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Did these meetings take place in your country or Japan?

Hi Jt9258! These meeting took place in my country, Malaysia. She just started working here for few months now and will be here for at least a year due to contract.
 

Majestic

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She is sending you a message loud and clear. She is saying: I don't want to spend time with you now. You do not need to spend too much time agonizing over the meaning of this. She wants to create some distance from you. Give her this distance. It is the kindest thing you can do for her. If she wants to be back together with her, she will make this clear.
 

jt9258

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She did mention if I want to stay over night with her but I can't because it's too sudden and I don't want to be questioned by my parents yet. I plan to tell them after our relationship is stable so I gave her a hug and kiss before I left.

She gave you the green light and you refused it, so she feels you are not interested.

You may never get a second chance.
 

KirinoL

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She is sending you a message loud and clear. She is saying: I don't want to spend time with you now. You do not need to spend too much time agonizing over the meaning of this. She wants to create some distance from you. Give her this distance. It is the kindest thing you can do for her. If she wants to be back together with her, she will make this clear.
I kinda agree with this right now. Just feeling a bit disappointed for ended up this way. Unfortunately, I got my feelings involved too much in this. I guess I need some time to let go of her. Can't believe that she allow me to be that close to her on the first two days, she should have pushed me away earlier if she have no interest to continue.


She gave you the green light and you refused it, so she feels you are not interested.

You may never get a second chance.
Actually she doesn't want anyone to know as well, including her friends. This is why she blocked me via Instagram as well. She is more concern than me... lol


Tinder is a date app? By the way, I am in Malaysia too.
Hi fello Malaysian! Yes, Tinder is a dating app.
 

jt9258

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Actually she doesn't want anyone to know as well, including her friends. This is why she blocked me via Instagram as well. She is more concern than me... lol

She has blocked you because she does not want you making contact.
 

KirinoL

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She has blocked you because she does not want you making contact.
Well... I do agree with you if she doesn't constantly sending me her pictures wherever she went after day two... We still text after day two and she even say things like "Let's go there together!", "Why not cook together! I can teach you.", and etc...

This is why I'm kinda confused. Lol! Anyway, I've not been contacting her since the day I posted this. I really hope that if she is serious about us, please show some effort and tell me about it.

Thanks for everyone response! I appreciate it.
 

jt9258

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Well... I do agree with you if she doesn't constantly sending me her pictures wherever she went after day two... We still text after day two and she even say things like "Let's go there together!", "Why not cook together! I can teach you.", and etc...

This is why I'm kinda confused. Lol! Anyway, I've not been contacting her since the day I posted this. I really hope that if she is serious about us, please show some effort and tell me about it.

Thanks for everyone response! I appreciate it.

She was positive about the relationship up to the point you decided to leave and not stay the
night, you felt is was too soon and more concerned about what your parents would think.

As a result of your decision to leave, you may never see her again.
 

Majestic

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Well, we don't know the whole story. She could have changed her mind as well. She could have just been curious for a few days, and then decided she didn't want to continue it any more. I don't think we can put all the blame on KirinoL. And also, he has to do what he thinks is right for himself. If the situation were reversed and KirinoL was female, we wouldn't say to him, "when a guy demands sex, you have to give it to him".

It didn't work out. Allow it to fail. Maybe at some point in the future, she will change her mind again, but for now, leave it be.
 

KirinoL

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She was positive about the relationship up to the point you decided to leave and not stay the
night, you felt is was too soon and more concerned about what your parents would think.

As a result of your decision to leave, you may never see her again.
I really don't know that decision was so impactful since we just met twice. But it's alright now, I'll keep that in mind.


Well, we don't know the whole story. She could have changed her mind as well. She could have just been curious for a few days, and then decided she didn't want to continue it any more. I don't think we can put all the blame on KirinoL. And also, he has to do what he thinks is right for himself. If the situation were reversed and KirinoL was female, we wouldn't say to him, "when a guy demands sex, you have to give it to him".

It didn't work out. Allow it to fail. Maybe at some point in the future, she will change her mind again, but for now, leave it be.
I think its my fault for getting involved too much with my feelings. I really hope we could turn out well, I really like her and I thought she will be the one. I never had this feeling since I broke up 2 years ago, maybe it does affect my decision making but its okay now. Will treat this as an experience.

Thanks again and love you guys!
 

Muz1234

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How come there are Japanese people in living in Malaysia? Are they considering Malaysia as their second home?
 
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