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Second opinion on a one line translation about California

bigsmile

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I am trying to say the following:
"We also drove around California and visited SanDiego, Joshua Tree Park and several beaches."

I think it should be:
Kariforunia o doraibu shite sandiego nimo ikimashita. Joshua Tree Park to bi-chi o ikutsuka mimashita.
かりfおるにあ お どらいぶ して さんいえご にも いきました. じょしゅあ tれえ ぱ と びち お いくつか みました.


However, I have also been suggested:
Kariforunia o doraibu shite sandiego nimo ikimashita. Joshua Tree Park to ikutsuka no bi-chi mo kengaku shimashita
かりfおるにあ お どらいぶ して さにえご にも いきました. じょしゅあ tれえ ぱと びち お いくつか みました.

Which would be more natural? I am looking for advice from someone who knows enough about Japanese to make sure I am going for the most natural phrasing. I want to convey the concept of actually driving around all the named places.

PS. I am quite a beginner. The hiragana probably has errors. To be honest, as this line is for speaking, at this stage, as I am stilling learning hiragana, I am not too bother about it and wasn't going to include it at first, but did so just in case it helps.
 

Toritoribe

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There is no difference in meaning between "bi-chi o ikutsuka" and "ikutsuka no bi-chi".

"Mimashita" and "kengaku shimashita" are both inappropriate there since it means just "looked/saw".
(hint: "SanDiego", "Joshua Tree Park" and "several beaches" are all the objects of "visited".)

Incidentally, there are many mistakes on the translation/transliteration of the location names.
e.g.
California: カリフォルニア/かりふぉるにあ (not かりfおるにあ)
SanDiego: サンディエゴ/さんでぃえご (not さんいえご or さにえご)
Joshua Tree Park: ジョシュア・ツリー国立公園/じょしゅあつりーこくりつこうえん (not じょしゅあ tれえ ぱ)
beach(es): ビーチ/びーち (not びち)

Also, the particle "o" is を, not お.

Try again.
 

bigsmile

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@Toritoribe Thank you so much for taking the time to help me.

"Mimashita" and "kengaku shimashita" are both inappropriate there since it means just "looked/saw".
(hint: "SanDiego", "Joshua Tree Park" and "several beaches" are all the objects of "visited".)
I don't quite understand.

Thanks for the hints about hirgana. To be honest, I think I'd be better off dropping the hirgana part for now, as my skills in that a too weak at the moment. I will come back to it once I have learned more about hirgana.
 

Toritoribe

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Your original English sentence is "visited SanDiego, Joshua Tree Park and several beaches", not "visited SanDiego, and saw Joshua Tree Park and several beaches." The structure is simply "visited the place A, B and C".
 

mdchachi

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How about

Kariforunia de doraibu shimashita. sandiego ni ittari shite, Joshua Tree Park to bi-chi ikutsuka ni mo yorimashita.
We drove in California. We went to San Diego (etc) as well as stopped in Joshua Tree Park and several beaches.
 

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