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Need halp translating 2 sentences please

Sloppy-joe23

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K, sooo Ive just begun learning Japanese, and i wanted to try and translate 2 sentences from English to Japanese for a project I'm working on. Google translate isn't exactly consistent / reliable in helping, but the sentences (or thoughts) are as follows

"Don't be fooled by your emptiness"

"There's so much more room for happiness"

The Google translations are respectively

あなたの空虚さにだまされてはいけません
Anata no kūkyo-sa ni damasa rete wa ikemasen

幸福の余地はもっとあります
Kōfuku no yochi wa motto arimasu

Do these convey the same thoughts?
Would i use 'Shaiwasa' instead of 'Koufuku' for happiness?
Is the word for 'room' translated as 'empty space', or more like 'bed-ROOM'?
Should i use 'Anata', as I'm not exactly saying "you", but more generally addressing myself/anybody?

How would you write these?

Is really appreciate any and all assistance or clarification. If possible, please demonstrate the Hiragana, Katakana, and romanji for me?? Especially katakana; I'm still really fresh on kata, and would like to know how I'd have to write other things in the future.

DOMOOOO!!!!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!
-JJ
 

Toritoribe

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Do these convey the same thoughts?
It totally depends on the nuance you want to convey.

Would i use 'Shaiwasa' instead of 'Koufuku' for happiness?
Shiawase, not Shaiwasa.

Both can be used. The kanji 幸福 can be read both "kōfuku" and "shiawase", anyway.

Is the word for 'room' translated as 'empty space', or more like 'bed-ROOM'?
The translation 余地 "yochi" is closer to the former.

Should i use 'Anata', as I'm not exactly saying "you", but more generally addressing myself/anybody?
Then, I would use 自らの "mizukara no" (= one's own), instead.
 

nice gaijin

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explaining some more about the project, or your intention would be helpful when trying to translate poetic or philosophical phrases. Are you talking about emptiness in a buddhist sense, or like depression, or something else?
 

Sloppy-joe23

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explaining some more about the project, or your intention would be helpful when trying to translate poetic or philosophical phrases. Are you talking about emptiness in a buddhist sense, or like depression, or something else?


Yeah sorry poetry is weird Dx
Umm yeah it's more a depression thing. A mantra to re-align one's (my) thought pattern from negative to positive. As in, yes you may feel "empty" (negative) right now, but don't let it discourage you becauuuuse (sentence 2 —>) that emptiness was only recently made vacant so that there's enough (or more) empty space intended for a new happiness in your future.

"don't be fooled by your emptiness"
"there's so much more room for happiness"
 

Sloppy-joe23

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Thank you very much for your notes man, I'm still a noob
Is it possible for you to show me how it would be written in Katakana maybe? :x
Pleeease?
For science
 

Toritoribe

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my attempt

内なる空虚さに欺かれることなかれ
幸福への大いなる可能性なればなり

うちなるくうきょさにあざむかれることなかれ
こうふくへのおおいなるかのうせいなればなり

ウチナルクウキョサニアザムカレルコトナカレ
コウフクヘノオオイナルカノウセイナレバナリ

Uchinaru kūkyosa ni azamukareru koto nakare
Kōfuku e no ōinaru kanōsei nareba nari
 

nice gaijin

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Assuming you are in a class, I guarantee if you use that it will be obvious you didn't write it.

My advice for doing projects while learning: challenge yourself WITHIN your own current abilities. The point of these assignments is for you to use the Japanese you know, to reinforce what you've learned... not step way ahead of yourself to match your ambitions, or to impress your teacher. Another good measure when writing things: will your classmates understand it?

FIRST step is to just try to write it yourself, then you can take it to others to see how they'd express the idea. You can then study their responses and learn new vocabulary and grammar (and their proper usage). The fact that you jumped straight to google translate says that you are in over your head. Toritoribe gave you an excellent poetic translation of your English, but in doing so he's using literary forms that you'd only see in classical writing/poetry (or writing intended to evoke such things). Without someone walking you through it, you won't learn anything from this.

Don't get too far ahead of yourself, sometimes you might have to dumb down what you're trying to say to fit it into your abilities.

@Toritoribe, is 空虚 in this sense easily understood as an aspect of 憂鬱, as Sloppy-joe intends?
 

Toritoribe

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My impression is that the OP is doing an artistic project, not in learning Japanese.

空虚さ can connote those nuance subtly, but actually I wavered between 空虚さ and 虚無. I chose the former to make clear that it is "room/empty space" that can be changed to happiness.
 

Sloppy-joe23

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Assuming you are in a class, I guarantee if you use that it will be obvious you didn't write it.

My advice for doing projects while learning: challenge yourself WITHIN your own current abilities. The point of these assignments is for you to use the Japanese you know, to reinforce what you've learned... not step way ahead of yourself to match your ambitions, or to impress your teacher. Another good measure when writing things: will your classmates understand it?

FIRST step is to just try to write it yourself, then you can take it to others to see how they'd express the idea. You can then study their responses and learn new vocabulary and grammar (and their proper usage). The fact that you jumped straight to google translate says that you are in over your head. Toritoribe gave you an excellent poetic translation of your English, but in doing so he's using literary forms that you'd only see in classical writing/poetry (or writing intended to evoke such things). Without someone walking you through it, you won't learn anything from this.

Don't get too far ahead of yourself, sometimes you might have to dumb down what you're trying to say to fit it into your abilities.

@Toritoribe, is 空虚 in this sense easily understood as an aspect of 憂鬱, as Sloppy-joe intends?


I'm not in a class or anything, this is something of a hobby.
Im not really trying to impress anyone :eek: Myself I guess.. But I couldn't really come up with anything that made sense on my own. Dx
I don't have any classmates

Tbh I'd really like if either of you walked me thrpugh it!!! :eek:
PLEASE!
 

nice gaijin

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Tbh I'd really like if either of you walked me thrpugh it!!! :eek:
PLEASE!
If you've just started learning Japanese, that's too tall an order for volunteers on the internet. The reason I say this is that the grammer Toritoribe used is way beyond anything a beginner could know, and literary/poetic forms are generally something you'd tackle AFTER you've gotten a grip on standard Japanese grammar.

@Sloppy-joe23, What materials are you using to learn?
 
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