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My Bijo has a strange shower ritual...

29 Jul 2007
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Is anyone familiar with a Japanese ritualised compulsion of showering. My wife turns the shower off and on about three or fours times during a shower, and after discussing the need for a shower when we looked at a house that only had a bath, I learned she is deeply afraid of bacteria and cannot possible manage to wash in her own water, but must wash in water that flows off her, and is untainted by soap or by having been in contact with her body previously. To me this was obsessive compulsive mental disorder to the max..and scared the bejeebers out of me (mental stuff like that scares me more than a painful death)
Please don't get me wrong, I love her to bits, she's my Bijo, my utsukushii mori hana....I'm very happy with her
 
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Is anyone familiar with the Japanese ritualised compulsion of showering. My wife turns the shower off and on about three or fours times during a shower, and after discussing the need for a shower when we looked at a house that only had a bath, I learned she is deeply afraid of bacteria and cannot possible manage to wash in her own water, but must wash in water that flows off her, and is untainted by soap or by having been in contact with her body previously.
I notice that you use quite a few generalizations when you post....this time "Japanese ritualised compulsion of showering". You are talking about your wife, one Japanese person, and not about 128 million others.

I am sure you are familiar with sento's right? Everyone there and in most, all?, homes that use a furo or bathtub, people shower first before going into the bathtub. They are communal and it is a matter of common courtesy to wash before entering the bath. I would not call it compulsive but people being polite.

Now your wife, she likes to use clean water to rinse off with, so, she likes to be clean. I dont know what country you come from but when I was a kid I used to take a bath in a bathtub and usually showered afterwards to rinse off the slime from the dirt that came off in the bath. Does that make me compulsive as well?

To me this was obsessive compulsive mental disorder to the max..and scared the bejeebers out of me (mental stuff like that scares me more than a painful death)
Did you every stop and think that maybe you are the one that is being obsessive here? If this bothers you so much about her why in the world did you get married in the first place? Personally I appreciate and respect a person that likes to be clean, and if she does this, maybe it is a bit quirky to you, but is it really that bad?

Does she also run around the house with a bottle of disenfectant spraying everything you touch as well? Does she carry around alcohol wipes and wipe doorknobs before touching them? Does she use a disenfectant mouthwash after you give her a kiss on the lips? Does she wear a mask when she goes out?

If you answered yes to all of the above, and there are probably many other examples I could think of given the time, I might agree with you, but otherwise, no big deal guy.
 
Interesting there. I'd have agree that in this case there are perhaps--and I will stress that word--not so many who have that idea in mind about 'why the shower' but maybe quite a few ladies probably turn the shower off and on a few times during the process of showering--the little lady at the house here does that. (to save water from being wasted while scrubbing or shampooing)

I can sense a degree of jest in your presentation--a humorous sarcasm, if you will--and will only say that it may not be too odd a thing afterall--unless, of course, there are other little picky things that I don't know of.


If this bothers you so much about her why in the world did you get married in the first place?

My dear friend from the south--south Japan, that is--this is the kind of thing which I'm sure you'll agree, most extremely seldom comes up during the dating/pre-marriage period. Questions and insight into matters of such a refined understanding of the person whom one is going to make some sort of vow to attempt to live together with for the rest of their lives, should be asked and searched for, true...in all good meaning, even I failed at that. hee, hee, hee......sorry for the off-topic bit Calypso Freemo san. :sorry:
 
A compulsion isn't known in the action but in the reaction when the action can't be performed. Nothing is a compulsion until, when the action can't be performed, the person displays anxiety. That anxiety is the first sign that the activity is compulsive. Whether such anxiety results from aberrant beliefs, or ritualised up bringing, or personal choice, it doesn't matter; what matters is the presence of unnecessary stress and anxiety when a certain activity can't be performed. Stress and anxiety are not good...unless they relate to real dangers and certain threats, as oppossed to imagined ones)
I was merely wondering if this was a japanese practice (as I don't want to discuss it with my wife because it's not important, and will cause misunderstandings to arise unecessarily between us.)
Your second to last paragraph sums up my point...if such a level of repulsion with ones own bodily washings and or the bodily washings of others is based on real dangers and certain threats, then why not walk around with disinfectant spraying everything, and carry alcohol wipes for door knobs and a wear a rubber body suit like Michael Jackson, and use disinfectant mouth wash before and after kissing? But that's ridiculous isn't it? To me it's all the same thing, which is why i found it so shocking.
And, things like this, though often discovered after marriage, are never so important as to question ones choice of lover/companion/mate...for certainly if it was to cause me anxiety and stress, then I would be, as you suggest, compulsive.
 
I was merely wondering if this was a japanese practice (as I don't want to discuss it with my wife because it's not important, and will cause misunderstandings to arise unecessarily between us.)

Huh? You did happen to write this as well.

To me this was obsessive compulsive mental disorder to the max..and scared the bejeebers out of me (mental stuff like that scares me more than a painful death)

If it is that bad that it scared the bejeebers out of you, your words not mine. Then what or when is a good time to talk about it?



My dear friend from the south--south Japan, that is--this is the kind of thing which I'm sure you'll agree, most extremely seldom comes up during the dating/pre-marriage period.
Well I took a shower with my wife before I got married so ....😊

However your point has been made. Thank you.
 
I don't know much about other Asian women, but I think that Japanese women are inclined to be obsessive about cleanliness and sanitation. This is not a recent thing (since my mother was one), and I feel this strongly because I'm not one (my sloppy house cleaning driving my husband up the wall... 😊).

I have friends who pick up tiny strips of green (such as sepals of strawberry) out of the bowls of fruit, follow me around wiping the kitchen floor after I cook them meals, etc., when they come visiting. 😌
Because of my very un-Japanese sense of cleanliness, I felt very comfortable living in the US--not that American women are unclean--they have a different sense of cleanliness which I find very pragmatic.

Also, I do hear that this obsession is escalating into a mental disorder in some people (of both genders), such as being unable to hold on to handrails and straps in trains and other public space.

In short, the OP's wife is not exceptional. In fact, I have my own showering ritual that I prefer not to elaborate here... :p
 
I don't see a big deal with it. I turn the water off while in the shower, just to save water. How else am I to put soap on my body anyway?

But rest assured it is not "all" Japanese women that do this. My wife runs the water constantly and takes extremely lonnnnnnggggg showers!
 
I'm probably just a scottish barbarian... I think that's what it is. I'm not worried about it, just sometimes a little shocked that such a sweet, wholesome lady as I'm with would choose this iconoclastic anarchist. We're only at the start of our marriage, so really it's nothing more than the confusion of discovering unchartered territory.
 
I have to admit I am also a clean freak. My mom is also a clean freak so I guess I picked that up from her. There are many Japanese who are not clean as I smell some BO in the trains. If the choice boils down to clean and dirty, I will pick a clean one hands down.
Before I do xxx-things in the bed, we take a shower together as well.
 
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