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men and women and blind man


15 Nov 2002
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It works...Men get in trouble in different ways...
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are
too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically
comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper
and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it
between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my
breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.

The following two lists are furnished for the amusement of the women on

About Men (by a Woman)

1. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

2. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible.
In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

3. Men are very confident people.
My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television,
He thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team.
If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room,
And if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

4. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers.
I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

5. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner.
These men usually have jobs and bathe.

6. Men are sensitive in strange ways.
If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

7. Men have higher body temperatures than women.
If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men
are like portable heaters that snore.

8. Women take clothing much more seriously than men.
I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "I'm so embarrassed;
get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

9. Most men hate to shop.
That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a
department store, two inches from the door.

10. No man is charming all of the time.
Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

11. Men are less sentimental than women.
No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

12. Men hate to lose.
I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have Sex again?"
He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

13. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem.
"Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge.
If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you . . . I
Want to marry you . . . I want to have your children."
Sometimes they leave skid marks.

14. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes.
Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

15. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause.
With female menopause--you gain weight and get hot flashes.
Male menopause--you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

16. Men forget everything; women remember everything.
That's why men need instant replays in sports.
They've already forgotten what happened.

Truths about Men

The following is a public service message for Women to better understand the
Male. (sounds like something Benny Hill would come up with)

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire
long after hypothermia has set in. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood
and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able
to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I
wouldn't, know where to start."
We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and
take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
store, like milk or bread.
I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu."
For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene
product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist
on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as
much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while I watch TV.
If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it
(though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).....applies
to engineers mainly.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either sex, computers, or football. (But mostly just sex).
I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother
come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need
to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are
feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly remember the name and
recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest......like
wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

Maybe a true story? Still funny :)

A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco.

Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight
attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers
wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind.

The man had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the gentleman
was blind because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats
in front of him throughout the entire flight. He could also tell he had
flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and
calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an
Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

The blind man replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to
stretch his legs."

Picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they
looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!
The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only
tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

True story... Have a great day
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