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Manners toward women

17 Jul 2007
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I was wondering if Japanese men hold the door open for women. You know, the "ladies first" rule that is in America. I was in Japan for awhile, and I didn't notice anything like that. If that manner is not in Japan, how do Japanese men show respect to women??
 
I haven't been to japan, nor do i know much, but i don't think men open doors for women. It would be the other way around. I think the men are usually "suppose" to supply the income and financially take care of his women, and the women is extremely respectful towards him.
 
Shoot, here in America, I still get "awws", and "wows" when I do stuff like this for my wife in public.

Elders have told me, that they have not seen much of this anymore. I guess, I am one of the few.
 
What I have noticed is that the people in the States tend to hold the door open if someone is behind them regardless of their genders. I think that is a good custom. Of course, there are always exceptions.
I get a little annoyed about "lady first" mentality in this age. People look for equality under the law. So, I feel the concept of "lady first" is anachronism.
 
What I have noticed is that the people in the States tend to hold the door open if someone is behind them regardless of their genders. I think that is a good custom. Of course, there are always exceptions.
I get a little annoyed about "lady first" mentality in this age. People look for equality under the law. So, I feel the concept of "lady first" is anachronism.

I completely agree, it's an excellent habit to hold the door open for anyone following behind, and one that I persevered with in Japan, despite the lack of thanks or often acknowledgment of any kind. (Of course, it's never done for the thanks, but it's slightly uncomfortable for me as a Brit).

I understand it's a question of different customs, but one I never completely got used to. I can't count the number of times that I almost had my nose broken by people in Japan leaving the door to close on me, even when directly behind them!

As for being disproportionately courteous to ladies, I agree that it's something of an anachronism these days in some circles. And while I get the odd glare or even a rude comment on occasion for that very reason when I'm gentlemanly, I can't help meself - twas an intrinsic part of my upbringing. 😊
 
I find that japanese in general have manners. I think that the "baby-boomers" in the West introduced a casual dresscode and behavior. Recently the casual behavior have more and more become inconsiderate behavior - maybe due to individualism and egocentric "me-ism".

I find that the tact and manners in japan in general reminds of pre-babyboomer West society. However, I am aware that there are so many unwritten rules that I still do not know or understand. The good thing, though, is that noone expects that a "gaijin" undertands all the more suttle ways of showing respect and manners.

I find that men who show a bit of consideration and manners towards women are highly appreciated by the japanese women. My own experience is that beeing a gentleman is highly appreciated in Japan.

There are many young japanese and salarymen who are used to have a (mother/wife) female servant at home, and their behaviour towards women are often very rude. But, I tell you that they are frowned upon.
 
I too have noticed that the Japanese tend to neglect holding doors open for those behind them. Back home, it's a simple gesture of good will more than anything, and most people follow it. I think it's an interesting, subtle difference in Eastern and Western cultures and I wonder how much the automatic door plays into it. Of course, they're all over the place here...

And to get back to the original point of this topic, I think chivalry is more of a Western concept, so no, you don't see too many men opening car doors for women or helping them with their seats at a dinner table, etc. But like other posters, I don't see anything wrong with that. They wanted equality with men, and now they've got it! 👍
 
I find this a very interesting issue: I therefore conducted a keyinformant interview with my wife. She is from Tokyo, and she stressed that the gender roles are somewhat different in different parts of Japan. According to her observation the difference between the two genders are bigger in Kyushu than in the central part of Japan.

The important thing is seniority! If you are regarded as jonior, you better show respect and courtesy towards seniors. Seniority is not allways strictly defined by age. If you are working in a workplace with hierarchical structure: particularly military and police, but also many other worklaces like schools etc. the junior staff will show respect through both behavior and speach towards seniors. This means that even if your boss is younger than you, it is better to treat him like if he was your elder.

There are in return, many disadvantages by beeing regarded as senior: You are expected to pay the bill when visiting restaurants and bars. In many cases this will mean that it will be a man who pay the bill. However, if a senior women, for example a professor, is inviting some students to dine with her, she will most definately pay the bill.

If you really want to stick to the rule the junior guests will be expected to see the senior off by following him/her to a taxi. Saying good bye, all the junior will bow showing respect. Only after the senior person have left will the more junior persons start sorting out how they are going to find their way home. Maybe it is now time to really hit the town!

🙂
 
This means that even if your boss is younger than you, it is better to treat him like if he was your elder.
There are in return, many disadvantages by beeing regarded as senior: You are expected to pay the bill when visiting restaurants and bars. In many cases this will mean that it will be a man who pay the bill.
Most of the employees I manage are older than me. My company (a Japanese subsidiary unit of a USA company) instructs managers (like myself) to take care of the bill based on the rank of the positions, as long as it is a reimbursementable items. So, if I am the highest rank among my fellow colleagues, then, I pick up the bill (and get reimbursed from the company). Of course, if I don't get reimbursed because of the nature of the bills, then, I would use my judgement based on the amount of the expense. I have my own bills to pay and have expensive personal habits to indulge myself.
 
I was wondering if Japanese men hold the door open for women. You know, the "ladies first" rule that is in America. I was in Japan for awhile, and I didn't notice anything like that. If that manner is not in Japan, how do Japanese men show respect to women??

Lol, I don't know where you've been living buddy, but I never see that in America. That was probably old America you're referring to. Considering all the disrespect men are getting nowadays with feminists, it's a wonder any man does it (unless of course that woman is not a feminist and an actual real woman).
 
Considering all the disrespect men are getting nowadays with feminists, it's a wonder any man does it (unless of course that woman is not a feminist and an actual real woman).
... what??

I'm not following this train of thought. You're saying that feminists aren't real women? Or because of feminists men no longer hold the door?
 
... what??
I'm not following this train of thought. You're saying that feminists aren't real women? Or because of feminists men no longer hold the door?

This country is sexist up to it's neck, so respect for the opposite sex has become much thinner. These don't reflect my personal actions, I'm just basing this off what I've seen of America.

And I am saying that Feminists aren't real women, but that's another story.
 
Oh, well, up until the recent decade or so, I do belive it was very, very uncommon for men to, for example, hold the door open for women. Now, after asking a good number of college females over the last several years--I take these kind of surveys on matters like this--most girls would welcome more of a 'ladies first' attitude by Japanese men.

I tend to hold the door open for anyone coming in or going out as, or just before or after me. Especially do I do so for the elderly, regardless of sex.

I have noticed gratitude for opening the car door for the female students too--I don't do it so consciously; it somehow just kinds of happens...?? (who knows) {I do this from inside the car}

In a sense, all of this could be considered a form of 'aisatsu,' by the Japanese, I believe. I'm a late baby-boomer, though, so. . .
 
If you've never held the door open for a Japanese stranger (female), do try it sometime. The reactions are interesting.

To borrow from Mark Twain, Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.".....so will opening doors for ladies in Japan.
 
I would say that it is rare in Japan to see a man hold a door open for a woman, but then most of the doors here seem to be automatic!
 
Now Mike, we can see that you are a true Southern Gentleman !! ( and it was such a laugh, because it was so true...)

Good point there, Doctor P !! So I would try to stand in the doorway, so that they can come in. (actually, I do do this from time to time at the uni...just for the laughs...and it works wonders, in a way...they remember me.)
 
Lol, I don't know where you've been living buddy, but I never see that in America. That was probably old America you're referring to. Considering all the disrespect men are getting nowadays with feminists, it's a wonder any man does it (unless of course that woman is not a feminist and an actual real woman).

I'd say A-men, but I just want to clarify that the idea of feminist changes dramatically based on generation. It's very amorphous. Mary Otis Warren and Mary Wollenstonecraft (and Mary Shelley, her daughter) could easily be considered feminists for their era, but our current idea of feminists has been malformed by feminazis, as some of us call them.

But yeah, I've been called a patriarchal subjugator by a woman I held a door open for once. So I slammed it in her face.

Anyway, I open doors for people regardless of sex. It's just polite. And I like it if a girl holds doors open for me. Courtesy isn't restricted based on whether you have indoor or outdoor plumbing.
 
This country is sexist up to it's neck, so respect for the opposite sex has become much thinner. These don't reflect my personal actions, I'm just basing this off what I've seen of America.
And I am saying that Feminists aren't real women, but that's another story.

I'm not sure you understand exactly what a feminist is. You're probably thinking of those die hard crazies that shave their heads, don't wear bras and denounce all men as evil. Those aren't feminists, they may call themselves that but they just aren't.

Feminism, historically, has been about equality of the sexes, not man bashing. I think it's worthy cause. Why should women make 80 cents to a mans dollar for the exact same work? That's all feminism is, wanting equal opportunities. Unfortunately, some have latched onto the concept and used it to fuel their own personal vendettas against ex-husbands and whatnot. :eek: Losers.

At any rate, I hold the door open for anyone, men and women, it's just common courtesy :)
 
Japanese men vs Western men

Hi! I am doing a paper on evolutionary psychology and comparing male behavioral patterns in Japan vs in the West. I am bi-cultural and have close friends from both cultures. Let me know if I am wrong. Japanese men in general seem to be more open about extra-marital affairs and feel it is OK to cheat on their wives. Western men tend to respect their family life and (at least on the surface)seem to genuinely love their wives and happy to be monogamous. Even if they may be tempted (of course) most of them will feel compelled to respect their wives and "be good." One answer is social environment or what is expected of us socially, but that should apply to Japanese, too.
 
Japanese men in general seem to be more open about extra-marital affairs and feel it is OK to cheat on their wives. Western men tend to respect their family life and (at least on the surface)seem to genuinely love their wives and happy to be monogamous.

I think that japanes women get equally upset when they find that their husband has a mistress. The reasons for the few divorses due to adultery are rather that most women in Japan are affraid that they will not be able to manage financially. Maybe it is also a case of keeping up appearences. Anyhow as japanese women get better education there is a tendency of increasingly avoiding marriage and divorsing unfaithfull husbands.
 
Extramarital Affairs

The reasons for the few divorses due to adultery are rather that most women in Japan are affraid that they will not be able to manage financially. Maybe it is also a case of keeping up appearences. Anyhow as japanese women get better education there is a tendency of increasingly avoiding marriage and divorsing unfaithfull husbands.

I agree that working conditions for women should improve so that women can gain financial independence here but I think that is not because of lack of education. It is our business culture. I just see my Western male friends to be more faithful to their wives than my Japanese male friends who are quite open about their girlfriends.
 
i think its normal in the old days of japan, the samurai were above women, and the women had to obey the men.

its still in them for example:

when a couple go to a Sushi-ya , the women is the first one who has to pour the drinks into the man's glass/cup.

but since people are different now, everyone have manners towards women, and some are still different, but i think if you are human, you have to treat your beloved with all the love you have, and this i still don't see, how bigger your love for your galfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife how bigger the respect and appreciation you got from each other.

that was hammered in my head since i was still a little baby, respect is the highest priority.
 
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