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"Lost" her at Azabu-juban

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15 Nov 2007
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I am very sorry to post my little story to the public, but maybe there are some people here, who want to listen (and can help). I already posted this in other boards, but maybe if I can tell as many people I can reach, the possibility to find her again is bigger. But first please read through:

I am a 26 year old student from Europe and since October 2007 studying at the Tôdai. Recently I worked very hard and long in my laboratory, but today (2007/11/15) I was lucky and could quit already at 6:15 pm.

So I went to Nanboku Line as usual, waited for the chikatetsu to Shirokanedai when at Iidabashi or Ichigaya the most wonderful girl I have seen here entered the metro. I first did not notice her as I tried to make a short sleep as always, but she took out her orange ketai and pointed to my direction. When I saw here face and here eyes also looking to me I could feel my heart suddenly beating.

She was maybe around 23, dark brown to black hair to her shoulder, wore a bright brown trouser and brown shoes without heels. She had a medium sized brown bag as for shopping AND an orange retractable mobile phone.

I know, it sounds like a cheap romance book, but there was something in the air, which cannot be said properly ...

Over 20 mins we watched each other very cautious, closing eyes, looking back, try to speak with our eyes ...

so I decided, what I normally would not do, to introduce myself, when she leaves train.

Our behaviour kept going until she left at Azabu jûban. I worked up my courage and also went out without her notice. From the escalator, when I was 5 people behind her, she went to the toilet and I certainly stopped in a respective distance at the ticket gate and thought about how to introduce best (and giving her my business card).

I do not know how, but after she went to the toilet, she completly disappeared. I waited for 20 mins and already feeling like a stalker, but she never returned. As I was standing next to the main exit, there could be no way, that she left without passing me. Exception is, that she went to the platform again.

Please, I know it really sounds strange, but I am worrying so much about my dumbness and how to miss her.

If she had told me, that she is completly uninterested, did not accept my card or simply not writing my an email, I would have no problem at all. I do not philander women and certainly not want to cause any inconveniences. I understand the word NO and would not try to convince her.

So maybe you are asking after these few lines, what I want? To say it simply: a second chance.

I want to give here my card and see, what it means to her. As my Japanese is in the beginning, I feel very helpless and sad in passing such a chance to talk to this wonderful girl.

Maybe I have to face, that things happen as they are intended, but if there is any possibility to at least tell here my name, I would be eternally grateful. Is there any forum or Internet address fo or other usual practice to find person in such a case?

At least I feel a bit better in sharing this and thank you already in advance for reading through. Any tips are welcomed. I hope, I found the proper words to describe these wonderful 20 mins while watching her face in the train.

Chris
ニ誰ニ椎?ニ湛
 
Thank you for your reply and tip epigene.

Unfortunately I cannot draw well and guess that leads to negative perception. I could use my page to make a search call, but the probability, that she will find is nearly zero.

Maybe I have to face, how it went ... I cannot say next time I will talk to a woman earlier or make this or that better. I also felt quite uncomfortable to introduce in such a public space and maybe she too. I am just sad about thinking, that it is very likely not seeing here again ...

No real alternatives except remembering sweetest 20 min. conversation with eyes I ever had. Trying to wait tomorrow at the same time at Azabu-jûban is more or less last option (with some kind of freaky touch?). I think, she made a photo at the very beginning, because she looked suprised, when I suddenly turned my head to her orange mobile phone, which directly pointed at me.

Anyhow ... どもうありがとうございます。
 
She was working North Korea.




hee, hee, hee....sorry. I do know the feeling, 'cause I have done that before....or should I say that has happend to me before. I agree that the possibility is low, but I would suggest taking the same train line, at about the same time, for a good number of days...not all at once, but spread out.

However, she may have felt, at the end, that your WERE stalking her. So, a 'gomen ne' might be a nice way to set the stage if you were to meet her by any chance again.

Now the reason I started this post off like that was, because, you really don't know. Your brain chose to set off a hormonal reaction simply based on an idea that somewhere along the line, somehow, had been downloaded into it. You don't really know the person.

Anyway, good luck. And please understand my moving this here, this seems to be the place where it fits in the best. Later !! MM
 
No, I truly understand and thank you for moving the post in here.

Furthermore I would not be that annoying, if I she did not look back at me. Of course I do not know her ... this and my dumbness for waiting too long are the main aspects why I write here.

Believe me, I felt like a stalker but without having done anything or any bad thought.

I will maybe try tomorrow's train and wait at Azabu-jûban, but hence the possibility is very low as I could not see here coming out of toilet, how should I find here without knowing where she is or even if she exits at Azabu-jûban.

Anyhow, thank you for your cheering up.
 
If you're meant to have a chance, you'll see her again someday. It's a bit forward to just approach someone and ask them out. If this is her normal commute you could get her used to seeing you on the train, and slowly work your way up to talking to her. The language barrier is a tough one to overcome, so if you want to make sure she realizes you aren't a threat you have to communicate that without talking.

In the meantime, I recommend working on your Japanese. That's always a good idea.
 
Does the toilet have more than one entry/exit? That part I am confused with. If not, how can someone "lose" someone in a toilet (unless she was flushed away)?

The best bet is to be at Azabu Juban at about the same time (I'd get there early). And try to be as natural as possible and act "surprised" to see her (that is, if you are lucky enough to run into her). If you do, invite her for coffee at the nearby Starbuck's (I've been there, they've got tables outside on the sidewalk).
 
Yes, it does help to see her a couple of times, so you've got to be on the same train on the same day of the week!

Personally, I've never had luck with guys on trains. When I was working at an office in Tokyo and commuting, I used to see a guy on the same morning train in the same car. I knew he was looking at me every morning and became conscious of him. That made me a bit happy--who doesn't when you see someone who obviously likes you?

Well, I deliberately moved closer to him one day--and he turned out to be a "groper"!! 😊
Sorry for the bad ending!! 😌
 
Thank you for all your answers.

Does the toilet have more than one entry/exit? That part I am confused with.

I am confused too. I went on the escalator, being only 5 m behind her. Suddenly at the end of the escalator, people rushed to the right side, it became crowded and I lost her for a sec. So I turned left and had a quick look ...

All went so very fast, but then I could see here walking to the toilet. There is no other exit, but I tried not to stare permanently at the toilets while waiting at the gates (~ 15 m distance). So my guess is she came out, when I was looking to the gates and turned right side for platform again ...

It's a bit forward to just approach someone and ask them out.

I know, I would be suprised either and as said, never considered to do so in my home country. But I did not want to let her go without a word ...

I am not sure to take same train and exit at Azabu-jûban or only wait early there at the 駅. Best thing would be, that I see her regularly commuting, so maybe she will not think of a crazy stalker.

Again thank you for your answers and special thanks to epigene for sharing one of her stories, however it turned out worse like.

そして毎日私は大学で日本語を勉強します。
 
Reading back your original post, I'm thinking that she was taking a picture of you sleeping with her camera cellphone? And, because you looked at her and "stared" (might not be the right word, but she may have felt that way), she felt she was behaving badly and wanted to get away from you?

Not that I think you behaved like a weirdo, but I've been chased by men of the strange kind in my young days and hid in the women's room for a long while and went back to the platform--maybe even a different platform to take a train going the different route to go roundabout to finally get home.

If she's thinking she's offended you and prefers not to see you again, I think the best bet is to write a very polite letter (in Japanese, with the help of your friends) about the incident and that you would like to have tea with her and chat. You can very politely hand it to her (along with your business card) when you meet her, showing that you have no ill will or intent.

That's about the only thing I can think of now! 😌
 
ポストをありがとうエピゲネさん。

Sorry for the late answer.

I was actually not really sleeping, more thinking and looking at the ceiling for a minute, when I saw someone pointing with an orange thing to my side. But she was certainly suprised and tried to move telephone somewhere else and read ...

I will take the same train in the same car today and hopefully she enters at 飯田橋 or 市ヶ谷 (I think it was Iidabashi). Otherwise I will try my luck at 麻布十番 and wait for some time.

I really appreciate your tips and effort in writing me - I know it is not simple and can seem very weird hunting a girl you do not know. But I also do not know, if she felt the same and therefore better find it out. So I think I should rather take the risk to make a short 変な外人impression (of course I do not want to) than not trying to see her again.

I will write a few lines and try to correct them with my 友達, which is probably the best non confusing method to introduce.

I will report how it turns out. ^__^
 
If she "ran away" once, it might be best not to approach her even if you did see her.

I would consider your statement as true orochi窶堋ウ窶堙ア, but I am totally sure, that she did not see me leaving the train last second and standing 5 m behind here at the escalator.

If she would have seen me and "ran away", I would say the situation was nearly clear. But I "left" here without giving a sign of contact ... so I think she did not know, that I was waiting.

Damn me ... hope I do not sound obsessive about her already - last thing I want to.
 
I now set up a letter in English, but unfortunately none of my colleagues are here at the university, which I know and can trust in this matter.

If maybe some of you would like to help translating, I would be eternally grateful. I know, what I am asking for, but what would you lose in 15 mins helping a stranger?


こんにちは!

Yesterday I saw you in 南北線 sitting in front of me, when I was going home at about 8:30 pm. We had several eye contacts and I felt pretty lucky after a hard day at the university. Beside you were very busy with your phone I slightly tried to catch your attention.

Unfortunately you left the metro at 麻布十番 before I could say a word or introduce myself. I also exited in the last second, normally I get off at 白金台, and tried to at least greet you very formally on your way to the surface.

When I was standing 5 meters behind you on the escalator, you suddenly disappeared when it got crowded. I thought I saw you going to the toilet so I waited at the main ticket entrance, but you never returned.
I want to express, that I know it is very forward and usual to approach someone you do not know, but please believe me, I have never done so before. I am also feeling somehow uncomfortable and would not know how to react properly.

It may seem strange, but rather I take the risk of another try than not seeing you again.

Please do not consider this as stalking – if you feel compromised or in any matter uncomfortable, I will not disturb you in any case nor cause inconveniences. But if you also felt something interesting and like to drink tea and have a chat with me, it would be my pleasure to invite you any time and place you like.

Thank you very much for your understanding and attention.
 
i would not mention how you followed her in such detail or the word stalking. Just say that you were intrigued by her, and since your Japanese isn't very good you've written this letter just in case you got a chance to see her again.
 
Thank you for the helping words. I madethe letter a bit clearer and tried to write the best and nicest Japanese sentences I have made so far, but still not convinced of the quality. ☝

Well, let's hope, in one our I have to board the train.

Thank you again for your sympathies. :)
 
I just checked and found you want the letter translated?

I'm sorry to say that I'm on a very tight schedule tonight and throughout the weekend and can only drop in to check and type up a couple of short paragraphs.

Considering that you need the letter carefully worded, I can't help you at the moment. My apologies, and hope there's someone else to help you!

😭
 
I advise against writing a letter of sorts. It will probably scare her. You may have completely misinterpreted her actions. She may not have even _seen_ you. I would just forget what happened for now.

If you happen to see her on the train again, you could try making conversation, but writing a letter and going all out seems like too much--and will probably scare her off.
 
No luck today ...:(

Took same train, same car and same seat, but she did not enter. I thought, that I saw her at 市ヶ谷 as a woman of her size with orange mobile entering car 4, but after 50 mins of waiting at 麻布十番 she did not show up.

Hmm, let's try other days, but seriously, I am feeling somehow strange and my mind says: appreciate the nice eye contact but go on with normal life. Still very sad, that I acted like a completly fool yesterday ...

epigeneさん do not worry, I really appreciate your help but I was aware of the work ... so no real problem, really. I am proud of my own sentences but however I know they are not really Japanese. I hope she finds my translation sweet ... but again many thanks that you even considered to help me.

I think a letter is a good idea with your intention on it rather then explaining in public too much. But of course, as said before, maybe I should not be too obsessive by now and let the things go there way.

At least for the week to next 木曜日 I will take same train and wait there.

I will let you know any news asap.
 
Those "ones that got away" can eat at you, for sure. I met a nice girl on a train going from Kumamoto to Nagasaki (she was a refreshment server/seller) this year and we hit it off. Unfortunately, dumb ol' me didn't get her contact info before I left the train.
 
Those "ones that got away" can eat at you

Should I say, I feel lucky, that I do not have the feeling alone, so we know what we are talking about? No, also sorry for you.

As said, I worked up the courage to leave train and to introduce very short. I really suprised myself for taking such an offensive action ... and now completly lost in doubts what went wrong after leaving the train.

I would not feel the same, if I stayed in the train or she would have rejected my card and not being interested. Both ways are more or less acceptable, because a decision was taken by one of us. But I tried and decision arised while losing her in crowd ... this is so sad, because she did not even saw me trying to get in touch with her I think.

Like the famous look for a needle in a haystack now. I will still try ...:(

Thank you for your post ArmandV, I really appreciate.
 
I would not feel the same, if I stayed in the train or she would have rejected my card and not being interested. Both ways are more or less acceptable, because a decision was taken by one of us. But I tried and decision arised while losing her in crowd ... this is so sad, because she did not even saw me trying to get in touch with her I think.

If you try and get rejected, you just joined billions of others who have experienced the same thing. That's life.

Besides, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
 
Yeah, that's why I left train ... to be sure ... without little risk no gain as you said.

I would not complain by being rejected - I can handle of course. But I would know for certain. Now there is only uncertainty ... but this also belongs to life.

Oh sorry, read your post again and could read between the lines and found the cheer up . Sorry, seems I am already too tired and gridlocked.

It's the only way to be honest to yourself - do not complain about chances you elapsed in the past, but learn from it. I hope, I can react better whenever I might see here again ...
 
Yeah, that's why I left train ... to be sure ... without little risk no gain as you said.
I would not complain by being rejected - I can handle of course. But I would know for certain. Now there is only uncertainty ... but this also belongs to life.
Oh sorry, read your post again and could read between the lines and found the cheer up . Sorry, seems I am already too tired and gridlocked.
It's the only way to be honest to yourself - do not complain about chances you elapsed in the past, but learn from it. I hope, I can react better whenever I might see here again ...

Cheer up! If it's meant to be, it's meant to be!

I remember a Japanese gal checking me out and giving me "the eye" at a McDonalds in Tokyo two years ago. I gave he a "Roger Moore" smile and a nod. As she left the McDonalds, she turned and smiled again. Sure does wonders for one's ego!
 
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