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Lines from a Visual Novel

billybob300c

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I'm trying to translate a short visual novel. I came across a line I really wasn't sure on (marked red). I tried to guess the meaning from the neighboring sentences, but no luck. I added my translations under the Japanese characters as well as multiple sentences for some context. The scene involves two girls, Risa and Miya, eating together where Risa is the narrator. Thanks.

【Miya】「そう……じゃあ、お弁当食べる?」
「Okay... Then how about bentous?」

【Risa】「美夜のお弁当って、例のお重箱に入ってる豪華なヤツよね」
「I see you brought that fancy, multi-layered one with you.」

【Miya】「ええ、以前わたくしが熱を出した時、璃紗がお弁当を分けてくれたわよね。今日はそのお返し」
「Yes. You shared yours with me when I was sick before. So I wanted to pay you back today.」

【Risa】「あ、ありがとう……」
「Th-Thanks...」

【Miya】「あの時の、璃紗のミニおにぎり、とても美味しかったわ」
「The mini rice balls you made at the time were very delicious.」

美夜と付き合う前、一緒に外でランチをしたことがあった。
We've had lunch outside together before I started going out with Miya.

その時、美夜は熱のせいで、自分のおかずを全部下に落としてしまって。
She was sick at the time and dropped all her food on the ground.

私がミニおにぎりを、彼女にあげたのよね……
So I gave her my mini rice balls...

【Risa】「あれ、ごはんにふりかけまぶしたりしただけで、すごく手抜きなんだけどね」
「You can save yourself time and space if you sprinkle it on your food.」


【Miya】「そんなことはないわ。あれからわたくし、おにぎりに凝ってしまって」
「I can't do that. I've been addicted to them ever since.」

そう言って、美夜はテーブルの上に重箱を置く。
She said, placing her multi-layered food box on top of the table.

【Miya】「わたくしのお弁当、今はおにぎりばかりなのよ」
「My bentou is nothing but rice balls.」
 

Toritoribe

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あれ refers to the mini rice balls, and the rest is an explanation about it.
ふりかけ is a noun; "seasoned powder/dried food for sprinkling over rice".
 

billybob300c

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あれ refers to the mini rice balls, and the rest is an explanation about it.
ふりかけ is a noun; "seasoned powder/dried food for sprinkling over rice".

I'm still not sure, but would it go something like this:

【Risa】「あれ、ごはんにふりかけまぶしたりしただけで、すごく手抜きなんだけどね」
「I usually just sprinkle seasoned powder on my mini rice balls, which saves me a lot of time.」
 

Majestic

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You are missing the humility aspect of this conversation. The part in red is Risa downplaying her original act of kindness (the rice balls she gave to Miya). Risa is saying "it was nothing, I just sprinkled some spices over some rice". It is a typical self-deprecating gesture (it shows humility). It is her way of saying, "no need to repay me with such a nice bento" or as we would say more colloquially, "you really shouldn't have".

But then Miya is going on to say, "no they were really fabulous and ever since then I've been hooked on rice balls" .

Side note: isn't the word "onigiri" slowly slipping into English vocabulary. Depending on the situation I would prefer seeing onigiri rather than the potentially (unintentionally) comical "rice balls". Rice cakes is another alternative.

And, I would prefer to see "bento" or "bentō" rather than bentou. Bentou makes me think it ought to be pronounced "bentoo" And while I'm at it, layered box is technically correct, as that is indeed what a 重箱 is, but seeing it come up so many times in English seems to place too much emphasis (and expectation) on the layering, where no such thing exists in the original Japanese.
 
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Majestic

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↑ This is all my way of saying "be careful of word-for-word translations".

As if you couldn't tell, I'm a bit bored here this Sunday morning. :bored:
 

Toritoribe

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It's not "usually". Risa is talking about the mini onigiri she gave Miya at that time. She said she made those mini onigiri just by covering with firikake for cutting corners on cooking (and this is a modest expression, as Majestic-san pointed out).
 

billybob300c

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You are missing the humility aspect of this conversation. The part in red is Risa downplaying her original act of kindness (the rice balls she gave to Miya). Risa is saying "it was nothing, I just sprinkled some spices over some rice". It is a typical self-deprecating gesture (it shows humility). It is her way of saying, "no need to repay me with such a nice bento" or as we would say more colloquially, "you really shouldn't have".

But then Miya is going on to say, "no they were really fabulous and ever since then I've been hooked on rice balls" .

Side note: isn't the word "onigiri" slowly slipping into English vocabulary. Depending on the situation I would prefer seeing onigiri rather than the potentially (unintentionally) comical "rice balls". Rice cakes is another alternative.

And, I would prefer to see "bento" or "bentō" rather than bentou. Bentou makes me think it ought to be pronounced "bentoo" And while I'm at it, layered box is technically correct, as that is indeed what a 重箱 is, but seeing it come up so many times in English seems to place too much emphasis (and expectation) on the layering, where no such thing exists in the original Japanese.

Ah, that makes sense now. I went with what Majestic said, changed rice balls to onigiri, bentou to bento, and lessened the number of "layered box" in the main script. Thanks for the help, Majestic and Toritoribe.

【Risa】「あれ、ごはんにふりかけまぶしたりしただけで、すごく手抜きなんだけどね」
「It was nothing. I just sprinkled some spices over some rice.」

【Miya】「そんなことはないわ。あれからわたくし、おにぎりに凝ってしまって」
「No, they were really fabulous, and I've been hooked on them ever since then.」
 

billybob300c

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I have a line that's given me some trouble. I wrote my translation underneath the characters. Thanks.

幼なじみとの祝福されぬ慕情、向けられる恋心、さまざまな恋の糸が織りなし交錯する。
Condemned yearnings of childhood friends, awakenings of affections, and many threads of love are interwoven together in disorder.
 

Majestic

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You've done well.
For the three different phrases
1. I think "condemned" is much too strong. Maybe just "unreciprocated feelings of love between best friends" (The feeling a male might have towards a female close friend, but that feeling isn't reciprocated, isn't welcomed. Tough to put into a discrete English phrase).
2. looks good
3. good, but I don't think there is "disorder". The threads are just interwoven together.
 

billybob300c

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You've done well.
For the three different phrases
1. I think "condemned" is much too strong. Maybe just "unreciprocated feelings of love between best friends" (The feeling a male might have towards a female close friend, but that feeling isn't reciprocated, isn't welcomed. Tough to put into a discrete English phrase).
2. looks good
3. good, but I don't think there is "disorder". The threads are just interwoven together.
Thanks for the help. I found another sentence that's killing me. I wrote my translationg underneath. Thanks again.

解けた今は想いを理解しあえる。
We can understand each other in times unbound.
 

Toritoribe

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The reading of 解けた is ほどけた. Notice that the writer is using 糸 figuratively there.
 

Majestic

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Does this 解けた line follow the line about the interwoven threads? If so, then 解けた is alluding to the threads of love that were once intertwined, but have now come undone.
 

billybob300c

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Does this 解けた line follow the line about the interwoven threads? If so, then 解けた is alluding to the threads of love that were once intertwined, but have now come undone.
The reading of 解けた is ほどけた. Notice that the writer is using 糸 figuratively there.

Oh sorry, the sentence below is by itself; How about this:

解けた今は想いを理解しあえる。
We can understand each other in troubled times.
 

billybob300c

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解けるの英語・英訳 - goo辞書 英和和英

Just for confirmation, that sentence follows さまざまな恋の糸が織りなし交錯する (not right after, but after), right?
These two Japanese sentences below are not related to each other. I put my corrected translations underneath:

幼なじみとの祝福されぬ慕情、向けられる恋心、さまざまな恋の糸が織りなし交錯する。
Unreciprocated feelings of childhood friends, awakenings of affections, and many threads of love are interwoven together.

----------

解けた今は想いを理解しあえる。
We can understand each other in troubled times.
 

Toritoribe

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Does that mean you quoted the second sentence from a different story? If so, you should give us the context. (解けた今 can't mean "in troubled times" anyway.)

Your translation has problems with the interpretations of との, 祝福されぬ and 向けられる in the first one.
 
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