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internet love

Buddha Smoker

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nekosasori said:
...But BuSmo, that line to be drawn (where the internet ceases to be the main venue for getting to know people, and the real-life interaction begins) is fuzzy. How long someone feels safe, contented, or comfortable with keeping to virtual meetings (e.g. not taking the next step) varies greatly by individual and by the dynamics of the relationship. But for any relationship, virtual or real-life, to become "serious", I suspect most folks would agree that the couple has to take a meaningful amount of time to spend in person to learn more about each other's spontaneous reactions, and their interpersonal "chemistry" etc.

So I'm not clear, actually, on what you mean by "cancelled the whole internet thing" - clearly if the "internet thing" hadn't been productive enough, we'd never have agreed to create those tests and real-life meetings in the first place.

I agree that it is fuzzy too. I think I'm trying to get at those relationships that develop where there was none to little physical contact or "in person" (does that make more sense)...have trouble to express the exact words to convey my thoughts.

I just don't see the spontaneous relationships happening through the internet mainly because of the falsehoods.

I liked your meeting story/explanation...my hat off to you with your whole experience. Anyway, it's nice to have found your other half no matter the circumstances 👍
 

nekosasori

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I just don't see the spontaneous relationships happening through the internet mainly because of the falsehoods.

I wouldn't think any successfully long-term relationships (that aren't dysfunctional...) can happen "spontaneously" regardless of the medium. And if people believe in the dating "game", they will misrepresent themselves regardless of whether the meeting is in person or virtual. Since I'm perhaps tactlessly honest both online and off, I'm baffled as to where you're meeting people who lie (is it that their words are vague and easily misunderstood? Are they deliberately trying to deceive you? May I have specific examples? You can PM me if you feel more comfortable that way...)

Thanks for being impressed with my experience - but I don't think it's particularly unusual any longer, since a much larger cross-section of humanity has access to the web - there should be as many honest people out there virtually (by percentage) as there is IRL, no?

Incidentally, my ingrained feminism makes me object to the phrase "the other half" - the implication that people are incomplete while unattached irritates me considerably. It also enforces one of my points - I think it's harder for people clinging to a perceived "need" or "requirement" to get into a relationship to find partners who are appropriate for lasting happiness because they're dating for one of the many wrong reasons that exist.
 

Buddha Smoker

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nekosasori said:
Thanks for being impressed with my experience - but I don't think it's particularly unusual any longer, since a much larger cross-section of humanity has access to the web -

I agree...times are a changing and the Internet/Web is a common word in just about any language/country. So, perhaps, in the future this is how it will be.

nekosasori said:
there should be as many honest people out there virtually (by percentage) as there is IRL, no?

I sure hope so 🙂
 

Zero-sen

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Buddha Smoker said:
I kind of lost track with the rash of posts but has anybody had one of the internet relationships work out yet? Example that lead to marriage? or something just close to that?

Eh.......yeah, me!! 🙂 I'm marrying my penpal in july of next year!! 👍

Best advice is take nothing for granted she tells you until you meet her and see the "real" her. I only found out ATFER i got engaged my Fiance's father owns a large engineering firm. So now i'm being asked repeadedly to join the family business. A prospect i am less than keen on. But I guess i was just lucky and the real her was everything she said she was in her letters. I was kinda angry about her ho,lding some things back from me but she wanted to see how i'd react i guess. I have a very well paid job and have told her Family reperadedly i wanna stand on mmy own financially in Japan. It endeared me to her dad no end. Most important thing........LEARN JAPANESE!!!!!! 👍
 
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Zero-sen

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The language is only part of it though. Learning the etiquette is also vital to get along in Japan. I'm sure i'm not the only one who will say that if you don't atleast try and "behave Japanese" especially around the older generation. My other better half's father is quite old so he appreciates me using what ettiquette i know around him as does her mum and grandparents. I would strongly advise anyone who has a japanese spouse/partner, whatever. My friends see it as me trying to fit in which, i suppose is true to some extent. I just see it as a learning experience and learning more about how to behave. :p
 

Buddha Smoker

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Zero-sen said:
The language is only part of it though. Learning the etiquette is also vital to get along in Japan. I'm sure i'm not the only one who will say that if you don't atleast try and "behave Japanese" especially around the older generation. My other better half's father is quite old so he appreciates me using what ettiquette i know around him as does her mum and grandparents. I would strongly advise anyone who has a japanese spouse/partner, whatever. My friends see it as me trying to fit in which, i suppose is true to some extent. I just see it as a learning experience and learning more about how to behave. :p

Being polite and using manner and trying to blend in is always useful too. :)
 

nekosasori

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Buddha Smoker said:
Being polite and using manner and trying to blend in is always useful too. :)

I would say that's an obvious thing to do for anyone trying to get along with anyone else in any cultural context, although I do realize that conformity and politeness may be especially emphasized in Japan.
 

Zero-sen

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nekosasori said:
I would say that's an obvious thing to do for anyone trying to get along with anyone else in any cultural context, although I do realize that conformity and politeness may be especially emphasized in Japan.

Very much so. It's hard enough for gaijin to be accepted at the best of times without ignorance to Japanese culture and language through unwillingness to learn making life harder. I had a chat a few weeks ago with someone from England who'd been in Japan for five years, spoke hardly any japanese and hated the country cos he found life hard. Not hard to know why.
 

Buddha Smoker

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nekosasori said:
I would say that's an obvious thing to do for anyone trying to get along with anyone else in any cultural context, although I do realize that conformity and politeness may be especially emphasized in Japan.

Well, you would be surprized at the number of people that don't!
 

Duo

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Back to Wouter's post about internet love, I just wanna say that a BIG aspect of love and interaction between the two sexes is the chemical bond that can only be achieved in person, for example feremones etc. Although I think that it is possible that you can fall for someone over the internet, wouldn't the actual physical experience be more truthful and more fullfilling ?
 

Buddha Smoker

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Duo said:
Back to Wouter's post about internet love, I just wanna say that a BIG aspect of love and interaction between the two sexes is the chemical bond that can only be achieved in person, for example feremones etc. Although I think that it is possible that you can fall for someone over the internet, wouldn't the actual physical experience be more truthful and more fullfilling ?


I agree very much. I think the physical experience would be where it stands the real test..know what I mean?
 

Duo

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Buddha Smoker said:
I agree very much. I think the physical experience would be where it stands the real test..know what I mean?

Read ya loud and clear :)
 

Areku

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I think it's possible. But only in certain circumstances;

You have a good character judgement. You need to be able to tell if they're for real, and to glean subtle information about them from how they type, what they say etc.

They need to be good speakers...fluent enough in whatever language so that you really can get a good idea of their character.

If these two things are fulfilled, then it's not much different from meeting someone in person. After all, just because you see someone face to face doesn't mean you know them any better does it? They could be just as different to what you first imagine as someone you met online.

If you both aren't good at communication, then I'd say the risk of getting someone who isn't for you is quite high...I've seen lots of cases of 'love' fade very quickly.

As for me, I had a long term GF from the net, were together a long time, met irl a lot. Broke up because we had different paths in life.
 

Areku

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different careers, bit of an age gap, different lifestyles really...it didn't just happen overnight, we just kinda drifted.
 

Arch

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I cant tell you much more then what everyone else has said. But all that it is very very difficult. Long distance relationships like that are very hard to persue and potentially devasting. Be careful in what you do. Get to know her alot while you are there !
 

rko

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wow zero-sen that's a great story, good luck with your wife and living in Japan
 

pk_81

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I met my last boyfriend(who I was with the past year and a half) over the internet. We had been talking for only 2 weeks before he came to Portland (from Alaska), so that we could meet. He was here for 2 weeks, then a month later, I moved up to Alaska to be with him.

we just recently broke up (I moved back to Portland a week ago)...but it was definitely a great experience. He's still my best friend.

So I think meeting someone off the internet isn't a bad idea. You only live your life once, and if you find someone you connect well with, whether it be over the internet or not, go with it....because you'll probably end up regretting it in the end, if you don't.
 

Jean-Francois

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Hmmm, "regret" is too serious a term for me.

There are so many people to meet in the real world - at work, in a language class, in a book store, at a seminar, in a cafe and sometimes even on the street. Almost everywhere! What's the need to meet someone in the virtual world while there are so many people in the real world?

However, I agree that the internet is a good place to kill time, and since there isn't any real conflict of interest, I can be more at ease.
 

pk_81

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the internet just broadens your possibilities.

I'll say, I wasn't "looking" for anyone when I met my boyfriend(ex)...neither was he.......
I've never really gone online in search of a relationship/meeting someone

I think that if I never moved up to Alaska, I would've regretted it. It was an experience I wouldn't have been able to have otherwise.
 

Uncle Frank

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Internet love ??

How about our new members, any thoughts on this thread?

Uncle Frank

:)
 

Alma

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My question to you now is: Do you think it's foolish to fall in love with someone who you have never met before? Do you think it's realistic to love someone who lives so far away? I am going to Japan this summer to meet her in person, but it will be more than 3 months from now. So I was wondering about the difficulties to maintain a relationship with her until I can see her for real.

no it is not foolish. i believe there is a lot things you can learn about person through mails, especially reading between lines ;) i made a couple of good friends this way.
also, i have a friend who met some guy from australia on some penpals site. they were talking for years, and finally will meet this year, and already have plans for wedding when they meet. quite unusual, but possible
 

Alma

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oh this topic is from 2004??? :eek:

i can't read everything now, but who know what happened with love story from first post?

😌
 
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