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I need some insight on some personal matters.

Kirirao

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I really have no idea where this are supposed to go, so I'll just post here and hopefully I made the right choice.

Like the title say, I really need some insight from someone with more experience then me on Japanese people. So, here we go.

Note : some stuff is written in romanji, because I've don't know what's the appropriate term in English.

It's almost been 1 year since I enter the Senmon Gakkou I'm currently in right now. And there this one group of Japanese people in my class that I got particularly friendly with. We do hang out after class in the classroom talks and play games (モハン(PSP) for those who know).

There's this 2 particular guy in the group that I'm most friendly with. I'd like to think that we are friends. Since we went to オープン自習(open self-study?) class, where we go and create our 作品(sakuhin) (mostly, me teaching them programming tho), went for dinner after class, talk about girls that we like(lol), etc.

moving on, since I already learnt C++ back when I was in Malaysia and pretty good at it too, I've been asked alot by the people in that group particularly by those 2, to teach them programming. When their programming doesn't work when in class, some of them come to me and ask me to repair it etc etc.

But, when the groups, plans to go somewhere, I will be left out. Not even asked if I want to go with them or not. There this one time I had to ask them where are they going before one of them asked me if I wanted to go with them or not. (they were going to a newly opened game arcade nearby the school). And that was after we hang out and chat in the classroom. They just went out without telling me where they are going, and I just stand there like an idiot. And the one that told and asked me wasn't the 2 that I was particularly friendly with.
edit: (oh, and It was after class ended, and there was only me and them at that time in the classroom, chatting and stuff.)

I did heard about those Japanese group mentality, and the "if you're a gaijin you will still be a gaijin forever and you will never enter this group" mentality. Is this same case? Well, I kindda thought that we passed that mentality, even if I was wrong and they don't think I'm one of their friends, It would be nice to at least get some respect and if they would at least told me where the hell they are going after all of those help that I've gave them.

Or am I just being immature and naive?

The feeling I'm getting right now, as if I'm just a vault of information/personal programmer that will help you when you need it thinggy other then that you're not needed.

Would love to hear any insight/opinion. Anything at all.
 
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karlyboo

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TBH I would not call people who use me in such a way 'friends'. In my general experience if you're a nice guy you'll always have a queue of seemingly equally nice people waiting to get something. Sorry that's alittle bleak. Best advice I can give is be honest: if you're feeling hard done by then say so. If it keeps up tell them to **** off ;)

I'm afraid I don't have enough experience to comment on whether your gaijin mantle is a significant factor.
 

Davey

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how often did that happen?
 

Kirirao

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@karlyboo
Thanks for the input, and I appreciate your advice.
If I were to say **** off to them, Its going to be a lonely 2008 for me ;)

@dutch Baka
Which part?
If its the part that I get left out, quite often, or rather almost all the time.
Why did you ask?
 

orochi

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Let them know you'd like to join them.
Say next time they head off somewhere they should ask you, too.
They may feel like they're intruding on your space and time.
If they still don't invite you after that, then maybe...
 

Noppin

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I think it more or less depends on the people. At my school, nobody is very friendly, and they never go out together at all. All of the people I hang out with go to other schools.

At my friend's school, he gets too many invites from other people to go places. I even get invites from people at his school. You might just want to try and find a new group of friends.

It could work either way, really. It could attract or repel people.
 

Petenshber

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It is reason for concern but not necessarily "ignore the gaijin" mentality,
it could be that they're simply ignorant and you just don't cross their
minds when they think of going places and doing things.
I've had this problem with friends (and family), after confronting each
other some things improved, not everything, but some things.

I say you should pick a random time to confront them with the subject
(make sure it's random so they can't "creat" an answer) and ask them.

First, ask them if you would be intruding if you joined them, and if not
then you would like them to think of you when they do things
and to include you. (This starts the conversation with respect
and communicates concern, so as not to anger them.)

Then, tell them that when they ignore you, they don't seem like friends.
(This communicates disappointment and leaves an opening for them
to explain)

Remember, this is just to be sure of why they ignore you,
what to do about the answer should be decided when the time comes.

Good luck.
 

Kirirao

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@orochi
Thanks for the reply.
You gave strong point/reasoning to think about. Will try your advice.

@Noppin
Thanks for the reply and advice.
I guess It's pretty much the same in my class. Most of the people are loner, and people start forming groups and stuff, which make the loner more secluded.
Btw, how do you meet with people from other school?

@Petenshber
Thanks for the reply
it could be that they're simply ignorant and you just don't cross their
minds when they think of going places and doing things.
I don't really mind/care if they made a plan and execute the plan without me, when I'm not around. The only thing that tick me off is, that I'm around at that time, and we were talking. I mean, at least tell me where are they going and not just leave me there, standing like an idiot.
And It's not just once, but happens a couple of times already.
Well, orochi does have a strong point tho.
 

Chris K

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some great advice above but also try and take the initiative. Try and think of something interesting to do and before they make their own plans suggest they join you after school.
Once you've made the first move in spending out of school time with them they should have no reason to think you do not want to spend time with them and see them as an out of school group of friends as well as fellow students.
 

Damicci

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I would go out on a limb and address your concerns. It never hurt anybody to ask. They may just assume you have other things to do. I have had Japanese friends here who would never cal lme until I finally told them "if you want to hang out don't wwait on me to call you, just ask.". After that they mad more attempts to contact me when they wanted to hang out.
 

Kirirao

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Thanks ChrisK and Damicci for the advices. And
thanks for everyone whom replied to this thread.
I took some of the advice in here and I guess I
can say its getting better.

Went to karaoke last week, and today I just got
back from karaoke with them again + a few hours
at the nearby game center.
 
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