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I need help... U_U

MajideSaiaku

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My girlfriend (who is japanese and currently in japan) hasnt been really the same since she went home in the middle of september after spending the summer with me, and its gotten to the stage where its hard to feel any lvoe from her if any at all...we've had a fight recently and basically i dont know whats going on....she said she had a date with a boy but it isnt the first time she's played this tactic, and she's always come ronud but im really worrying now...

Today i waited for her on MSN for many hours but she didnt arrive until very late and then told me, and she was acting with an unfortunately familiar attitude which conveys little feeling one expects from a partner and more of a general attitude that can only be best described as *****.
Though i wouldnt say she was being one, since i love her and i know what she is like when she was with me, i just cant believe this is the same person, we;ve been together a good few years now and lately she's just been acting as if she hasnt been in lvoe with me and been my girlfriend for such years.

She hasnt said break-up this time but, it feels like noe, i really dont know where i stand, all i know is my girlfriend isnt acting normally and not very lovey to me and i feel so lost and confused and like im going to go insane...

i thought it could be just being apart making her a little fed up but, this behaviour goes beyond a little fed up and its literally a mere matter of weeks before we meet up again U_U.

This just isnt the same woman i've known and loved, i keep wondering where my girlfriend is, part of me hopes this is merely an imposter stolen her MSN and stuff, but on webcam its her face, her voice, memories, i know its her U_U

I need help, i need someone, anyone to help me come to terms with this....ive heard or rocky relationships but this just takes the piss, it feels so one-sided and all i get from her is apathy at the best and worst, being mean, but she always makes up and....i dunno, if i hadnt got to know the real her who i fell in lvoe with and who loved me back, i would have been long gone from this wreck by now but....i just cant let myself believe she's suddenly changed....from the girl crying and saying goodbye to me at the airport, who i could feel she loved me just by being near her, to this girl who acts like a.....*****.....and i hatre saying that because when you've known someone so long and known them as a generally kind caring loving girlfriend, and loved them back, its so impossible to accept that this new attitude is really them.

Ive tried to press this before but, ultimately i never get to any real cause, i never seem to make a breakthrough and find my girlfriend under all this BS of late U_U.

I guess this is a bit of a rant aswell as a call for help and advice....i dont feel proud of spilling out my relation troubles here but....i need to tal kto someone, and its easier to talk to, if you will forgive, faceless voiceless anonymous members of a friendly forum i frequent rather then some "proffessional" or my mates, who dont have girlfriends and dont want one.




-_-
 

Winter

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nurizeko said:
This just isnt the same woman i've known and loved, i keep wondering where my girlfriend is..

Maybe in another woman.

Seriously, there are obvious signs that its time for you to move on, so instead of subconciously asking for excuses for her behaviour and what not, just learn how to move on to other things.
 

Davey

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Disagree, why you have to move on? he love this girl. of course you cant hang on like this always, but please be patient nurizeko, and fight for what you want, I hope for you this is just a period, talk to her, i know you do already, but talk about everything what you want to say, and LISTEN good to her, if she can talk good..

I wish you luck, as i know you love her!! GANBATTE
 

Winter

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He doesnt have to move on. If he wants to spend his time loving a girl that will continuously mistreat and be unresponsive to that love, than fine.

Its okay to continue living in the pit of despair that one creates for themself in their lives, I dont mind.
 

misa.j

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nurizeko,
You and your girlfriend will be laughing at the fights you have had someday. I don't know how many times I was a bi**h to my husband and said things I didn't really mean.
We all do sometimes.
I'm greatful how he's put up with me.

It must be very hard for both of you to communicate when you are apart. I'm not sure what language you guys speak, but she might be having problems expressing herself.

I hope everything works out for you.
 

Mars Man

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Dear nurizeko san,

My heart and soul emancipates itself from the bonds of fixedness, blown with the winds of emotions across vast, dark deep seas, to where there lie the besieged of desire for love and caress. I stretch out my opened palms to the keyboard and reach within, to the point where the finest particles of sub-atomic matter contact your very being, encouraging and offering cautiousness all the same--never forgetting those long left scars from years long gone, when I could have been in your reality.

No, there may not be the good that you crave for, that you earnestly hope and pray for; she may have lost the hormonal highs that give you the highest pedestal in her heart and mind and eros. Yet, she may still have only you in the bottom of her heart, in the hallways that complicate her mind and life, and the situation she presently, at least, finds herself in--that of being so far away from you, and in an environment in which she can easily move about in and understand.

'Alas, tis thou that eateth at my bread of love, that barketh at thine own soulmate in love. . .' So many, have been the times that I have wept tears from the toil that love can become in the absence of the return of the same. Can this be the cost of giving? Should I give up? Or am I simply blind to the love that she is giving me; that, though it is there, I cannot see it? What is the love that I expect? Are my expectations true to her own self expressions of love? I do not know...

DO NOT GIVE IN TO DESPAIR NOR DESPITE; KEEP YOUR BANNERS OF HOPE AND LOVE UNFURLED AS YOU FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVED ONE. . . yet never forget that the cosmos has up to now taught us that neither are composed things free from the cost of energy, nor do they last forever. May the force of love and judgement be with you and watch over you as you steadily navigate the waters of romance and eros (as opposed to agape and philios). My heart and mind are behind you nurizeko san !!
 

Kinsao

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Nurizeko... :(
It's really difficult to know anything useful to say. :cry: But my suggestion, for what it is worth...

You say it is a matter of weeks before you can meet with her again face to face. Of course, I don't know what your contacts with her are like... how often you call and email each other etc.... and I don't know what ways she is being a *****... but... I think in the mean while you have to carry on to "be yourself" and just try and communicate with her as well as possible, not in an arguing way but in a nice calm way, if you are not happy about something of her behaviour... you know, try and explain how you feel...

But really it sounds like it needs to be sorted out face to face, and I think that is the best way... because it sounds like it becomes quite serious for you... not a problem that can quickly be solved by phone and email. IMO, it is best if you meet with her face to face again and explain what you have been feeling... I think if she really loves you, she wouldn't want you to feel like that. It's impossible to tell yet whether she stops from loving you for some reason, or whether she still loves but she just became... bad tempered, care less, selfish, whatever, I dunno... for a different reason... that she doesn't mean to hurt you like that but doesn't fully realise the effect of her behaviour on you. You need to talk to her; I think you will know in time if she truly loves you or not.

I really hope things work out for you. Just going only from your posts here it is obvious that you love her very much, she is lucky to have found someone who cares so much for her and I hope this is just a temporary falling-out like Misa J says. ☝
 

MajideSaiaku

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Well, it started when she told me she had a date with someone, and i guess i over-reacted with the "what??, why would you do something like that to me??", i got an e-card from her, apologising about yesterday, apparently she just went to a cafe with her mum.... ☝

i was smiling quite a large smile, because i was releived she still has feelings for me (its sad that this isnt the first time she's done this) but, i think i'll need to have that talk with her anyway...

...I guess i'll have to tell her that it isnt acceptable, thats its hurtful, that i worry oneday its going to push me away and make me stop caring...that there's a time in any serious long-term relationship when a couple has to settle down and get into the flow of things, and just accept it isnt going to feel like a bloody hugh grant romance flick every momment of every day....that if you love someone, no matter how bad your feeling, you wig out in any way you want BUT the way that makes them doubt that not only do you not love them but you almost hate them...that when you have troubles, a boyfriends good for sharing them with.


Kinda shamed i ranted all this on the forum...im ussually a very private person...especially about my relationships but...at the time i felt so helpless, so utterly spent, i need anyone more considored opinion...and you guys gave it, thankyou. 😌

At least when you have a fight face-to-face you got make up sex to look forward to..... 👍 :p 😊 😌 lol
 

Tsuyoiko

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nurizeko said:
Well, it started when she told me she had a date with someone, and i guess i over-reacted with the "what??, why would you do something like that to me??"
Here's my theory. You are apart (a long distance apart). She is missing you and wondering how much you are missing her and whether you are staying faithful. So she thinks up a daft scheme to find out - she tries to make you jealous to see how you will react. You are upset, she knows you still love her, she apologises, everything is back on track. Sound plausible? :)
 

Davey

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Nurizeko, please don’t feel ashame, because we are your friends. And sometimes you need to talk about problems, and sometimes about your happy feelings!

I am wondering about the plan that the two of you are having? when are you planning to live together?
 

anjusan

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It shows true courage on your part to share your feelings... kudos

There is an old saying, "Absense makes the heart grow fonder, not too long or it will wander." Long distance relationships are very difficult on both parties... it is a good thing that you will be together again soon. I am sure you will be able to see the lay of the land when you meet again, face-to-face.

Also, maybe she is feeling you are smothering... perhaps she just needs some space... wait 24 hrs before you try to contact her again and see if she isn't nicer then...
 

MajideSaiaku

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Tsuyoiko said:
Here's my theory. You are apart (a long distance apart). She is missing you and wondering how much you are missing her and whether you are staying faithful. So she thinks up a daft scheme to find out - she tries to make you jealous to see how you will react. You are upset, she knows you still love her, she apologises, everything is back on track. Sound plausible? :)

Sounds reasonable. 👍

anjusan said:
It shows true courage on your part to share your feelings... kudos

There is an old saying, "Absense makes the heart grow fonder, not too long or it will wander." Long distance relationships are very difficult on both parties... it is a good thing that you will be together again soon. I am sure you will be able to see the lay of the land when you meet again, face-to-face.

Also, maybe she is feeling you are smothering... perhaps she just needs some space... wait 24 hrs before you try to contact her again and see if she isn't nicer then...

Thats actually what i did, and she seems to regret yesterday, which is good, and i spent the day hanging out with my best friend...an odd way to spend a day considoring but, it helped me chill and just earth myself somewhat.
See the lay of the land?.....the lay of the land is a quick trip back to her place then an all night of sleeplessness.... :p 😌

The plan, in response to dutch, is when she finishes uni, she moves in with me. 😌

And thankyou for the nice words, its good to have friends, especially such a wide varied bunch as you guys. 👍
 

Duo

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Hope everything goes well you for dude... I know the feeling, ur mind is just thinking about her, what she is doing, who she is with.. you don't feel like doing anything but you can't even sit still at the same time tryin to find some place of comfort... and you have the craziest quezy feeling inside your chest. Anyways i guess my point is ummmmmmm.... just take it easy a bit... try to be more rational than emotional cuz in this state small misunderstandings blow up out of proportion until something is said or something happens and then there is no returning back... no worries about posting here... this is what this section if for 🙂
 
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