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I made a very short "story". Can somebody check it?

notimp0artantso

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um, I tried 'writing' a very simple story. It's pretty bad but can somebody please correct me on my mistakes (if you can its probably not very understandable)
むかし、むかし、姫は宮殿を住んでる。
住んを仲良く。
なるが悪い魔女をやっかむ。
だから、復讐した。
「姫を殺してよ!」ひどいですね?
でも、姫を知て。など、姫は悪い魔女を殉職!
「さあ、ばつをうける」
めでたしめでたし
Once upon a time, a princess lived in a castle.
She lived in peace.
However, an evil witch became jealous
So, she took revenge.
“Kill the princess!” isn’t that horrible?
But, the princess knew. And so forth, the princess killed the evil witch
“Now, receive punishment”
And they lived happily ever after…

uhhhm sorry if this is really bad.
 

bentenmusume

やれやれ
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Before I go ahead and offer detailed corrections, I'm curious. What sort of materials are you using to learn Japanese?

Your understanding of particles in particular seems to be severely lacking. You are using を for everything and just sticking it after nouns (and in one case, a weird verb fragment) with no regard for their role in the sentence. Your conjugations and placements of verbs also appear to be almost completely random.

I (or other users here) can provide corrections, but it really seems like you should be working from Chapter 1 of an introductory textbook before you worry about writing stories. Work too much on production or output before you've internalized basic grammar, and you run the risk of reinforcing bad habits which will then be more difficult to unlearn.
 
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notimp0artantso

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thank you for the feedback.
Before I wrote this "story", I knew that my grammar and particle knowledge was pretty limited. This was mostly to look more into the specific things I needed to know. But even so, thank you for clarifying what I need to do. I probably won't do this type of work for a while.

also sorry for looking like an idiot
 

bentenmusume

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You don't have to apologize (I hope my original post didn't come off as antagonistic), and there's nothing wrong with "looking like an idiot." Everyone has to start somewhere.

But still, yes, it would probably be more productive for you to work through a beginners' textbook than it would be for us to type up extensive explanations of fundamental particle usage and verb conjugations that would be taught in the first few chapters of any decent introductory learning resource.
 
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