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Health tips :D

den4

先輩
15 Nov 2002
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Subject: Important Health Tips: (Non-approved, that is)

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie!

==============================
Thought for the Day:

If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
 
Definately for the chocolate!
--------------------------------
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
 
My Kinda Life Style,fits My Family Motto....

if you survive that first heart attack or stroke, there will be plenty of time to live a healty life style!

FRank

:mad:
 
Rx Refill

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

He asks "What for?"

She says "I want to kill my husband."

He says "Sorry, I can't do that."

She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him.

He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

:D
 
We Are Going To Have To Get You A Slot On...

Golgo_13 said:
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

He asks "What for?"

She says "I want to kill my husband."

He says "Sorry, I can't do that."

She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him.

He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

:D

the comody channel as a stand up!!

Frank

:D 👍 :p
 
American medicine

A British doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work
in six weeks."

A German doctor says, "That's nothing, we can take a lung out
of one person put it in another and have him looking for work in four
weeks."

A Russian doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced we can take
half a heart out of one person put it in another and have them both looking
for work in two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind, we
just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and
now half the country is looking for work, and the other half is preparing
for war."
 
Here's the final word on nutrition and health:

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
 
Golgo_13 said:
American medicine

A British doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work
in six weeks."

A German doctor says, "That's nothing, we can take a lung out
of one person put it in another and have him looking for work in four
weeks."

A Russian doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced we can take
half a heart out of one person put it in another and have them both looking
for work in two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind, we
just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and
now half the country is looking for work, and the other half is preparing
for war."

Good one, Golgo.
 
Oh yeah? Take a look at all my jokes on "Offensive Jokes, Beware" thread in the Humor section.

LOL!
 
Golgo_13 said:
Here's the final word on nutrition and health:

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Hey, that was mine: Diets & Dying

(Just goes to show what happens when you're away too long!! :D Thanks for including it, Golgo)
 
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