Does this person want to meet up?

[gesuto]

Hey all. I'm in America and got a haircut from a Japanese stylist. I speak Japanese at the level of a child, and her English is roughly equal. We managed to have some amusing small talk heavily assisted by Google translate - from which I found out we are the same age, she just moved here this month from Japan and hasn't really seen or done much due to the language barrier.

She did a fantastic job, and offered a permanent discount for giving her a chance, so I figured I would return the favor by offering to show her around. We had this email exchange:

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Hey [name],

I just wanted to tell you I will gladly come back. Everyday someone has complimented the haircut. Thanks for doing an awesome job!

PS. Enjoy [city] : If you ever want to see some new places in the city and practice English, let's hang out!
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Thank you for contact me I am so glad you like my cut .
Please ,contact me when you need hair cut.
Ps.I want to learn English.keep in touch.
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Is she taking me up on my offer? Haha I can't tell. I've been trying to guess what she wrote in Japanese pre-translation. I know in Japan it's rude to directly say no, and to me it sounds like this could be an indirect deflection. I don't want her to feel pressured to meet out of politeness since I will see her again, so does anyone have insight whether it'll seem pushy if I suggest a plan/time?

Thanks

 

[Mike Cash]

1. Japanese children speak Japanese at a level that runs circles around you. Judging one's ability in a foreign language by comparing it to that of a native speaking child is not a good way to do it.

2. She's neither leaping at your offer nor entirely shutting you down. Drop her a line, be pleasant, being careful not to cross over into pushy and creepy. Come up with something concrete (What? Where? When?) that you want to invite her out for and present that rather than your equally ambiguous and amorphous offer to "hang out" "sometime". You're far more likely to get clear reply if you ask a clear question.

 

[gesuto]

1. Heh yeah I suppose I was trying to flatter myself a bit. Apologies for offending the youth of Japan, who are undoubtedly lightyears ahead in proficiency. I was taking Japanese courses 5x a week for a couple years, but that was a long time ago and I've gotten embarrassingly rusty.

2. Sounds like a plan. I was afraid that if I was too specific right off the bat, she would be creeped out by how much thought I put into it, but I can see your point about not giving her much to work with.

Thanks!

 

[nice gaijin]

Are you interested in this person romantically or are you offering to hang out and show her around in a platonic sense? If it's ambiguous for us then she probably has no idea what your intentions are.

 

[gesuto]

Are you interested in this person romantically or are you offering to hang out and show her around in a platonic sense? If it's ambiguous for us then she probably has no idea what your intentions are.

Eh, both? I meant it in a genuinely platonic sense because I’ve been in her shoes in another country for work and someone did something similar for me. Since we don’t know much about each other I’m not trying to turn this into some fantasy, but I don’t find her off putting or anything so if we hit it off of course I wouldn’t be opposed to a real date in the future. Does that make sense?

 

[Lothor]

Eh, both? I meant it in a genuinely platonic sense because I’ve been in her shoes in another country for work and someone did something similar for me. Since we don’t know much about each other I’m not trying to turn this into some fantasy, but I don’t find her off putting or anything so if we hit it off of course I wouldn’t be opposed to a real date in the future. Does that make sense?

Perfect sense! I was in a similar position in my home country (the UK) about 15 years ago, we ended up hitting off. After she had to return to Japan, I moved to Japan to be with her, and we've been married for the last 13 years.

As Mike Cash said, be specific. When there's something that you want to do and it's easy to invite her along without making a big deal of it, ask her if she would like to join you.

 

[Mike Cash]

If you want to up your chances of a "yes", I suggest:

1. During daylight hours
2. Well-attended by others at the same time
3. Doesn't involve alcohol
4. Say that she is welcome to bring a friend with her if she wants to
5. Include a link so she can see what it is beforehand

 

[Glenski]

she just moved here this month from Japan

Under what status? I don't know the student visa status in the US, whether it permits works. Or could she be here as a spouse of a native speaker? Tread lightly.

 

[gesuto]

Lothor that's a great meeting story with a happy ending. I'd be content with "thanks for a great time", let alone a decade of happy marriage haha. And Mike, thanks once again for the recs - this is exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping for.

Glenski this didn't even occur to me, thanks for raising the issue. I asked why she came here and there was no mention of a spouse but that could easily be polite. I also imagine you'd have to have a pretty cruddy spouse to not take you out ever, but who am I to judge. Anyway, will be mindful either way!

 

[Glenski]

there was no mention of a spouse but that could easily be polite.

I agree. Shyness might also be a reason.

I also imagine you'd have to have a pretty cruddy spouse to not take you out ever

That assumes a lot. It first assumes there is a spouse, and secondly it assumes she has never gone out. Just because she said she "hasn't really seen or done much due to the language barrier" doesn't mean she has a poor husband, is a stick-in-the-mud person or just too damn busy. Hell, maybe her husband travels a lot and in the last 30 days has been away. Maybe he's in the military and has been too busy on maneuvers. Don't presume too much.

Just get this date/meeting over with and enjoy her time and share a good one with her.

 

[Lothor]

Lothor that's a great meeting story with a happy ending.

I didn't say anything about the ending being happy! :emoji_grinning: