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Could someone check these sentences for me please.

nalo6451

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Hi guys, could someone check these sentences for me? I'll write in English what I intend to say and below I'll have the Japanese. Please let me know if the translation is incorrect anywhere or sounds unnatural to a native Japanese speaker :)

I've actually been to Japan before. About one and a half years ago I went to Japan and made Japanese friends. While I was there, every day was really fun. That's why I would like to work in Japan.

じつは、日本にいったことがあります。二年まえ日本にいきまして、日本人友達をつくりました。そこにいるま、毎日がたのしかったです。だから、私はほんっとに日本ではたらきです。
 

Toritoribe

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"One and a half years" is not "two years".
いきまして is not wrong, but sounds too polite. 行って is more common.
日本人友達 doesn't work well.
The reading of 間 is あいだ there. Or かん is also used for formal situation or in written language. You can avoid misreading by using the kanji 間 instead of hiragana ま.
ほんっとに is too slangy.
はたらき is a noun in はたらきです. You are not "action/work/activity/function/effect".
 

nalo6451

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"One and a half years" is not "two years".
oops, forgot to change that before posting...

いきまして is not wrong, but sounds too polite. 行って is more common.
日本人友達 doesn't work well.
The reading of 間 is あいだ there. Or かん is also used for formal situation or in written language. You can avoid misreading by using the kanji 間 instead of hiragana ま.
ほんっとに is too slangy.
はたらき is a noun in はたらきです. You are not "action/work/activity/function/effect".
Okay I've had another go at it. Does this look more appropriate?

じつは、日本にいったことがあります。一年半まえ日本にいって、日本の友達をつくりました。そこにいる間、毎日がたのしかったです。だから、私は日本ではたらきたいです。

Also, for the bit I highlighted in bold, would this read as: そこにいるあいだ? I haven't actually learned learned this phrase properly but I really want to be able to say "while there/while I was there".

Thanks a lot.
 

nalo6451

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Hi again, I have a follow up question. If I wanted to say "regarding my hobbies: I like fitness, music, gaming and hanging out with friends" would the following sentence be accurate/sound normal?

趣味について、フィットネス, 音楽、ゲーム そして、友達と遊ぶのが好きです。

Thanks again.
 

Toritoribe

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趣味についてですが、 or 趣味についていえば、 is more appropriate. The rest is OK.
 
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