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Attorney Bag Limits


27 Aug 2003
This was dropped in my "inbox" at a law firm I used to work for many years ago. It circulated through the whole firm; everybody loved it.


Section 1300.01 General

1. Any person with a valid California State hunting license may harvest attorneys.

2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidently struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest carwash.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.

5. It shall be unlawful to shout "Whiplash," "Ambulance," or "Free Perrier," for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.

7. It shall be unlawful to use Cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.

9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.

10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a State Health Department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.

11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a female legal clerk, reporter, drug dealer, pimp, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purposes of hunting attorneys.

Section 1300.02 Bag Limits

1300.02(a) Yellow Bellied Sidewinder***************************** 2
1300.02(b.) Two-Faced Tort Feasor *******************************1
1300.02(c.) Small-Breasted Ball Buster (female only)*****************3
1300.02(d) Big Mouthed Pub Gut *********************************2
1300.02(e) Honest Attorney***********************EXTINCT ***
1300.02(f) Cut Throat******************************************3
1300.02(g) Back-Stabbing Whiner*********************************1
1300.02(h) Brown-Nosed Judge Kisser*****************************2
1300.02(i) Silver-Tongued Drug Defender*******$100 BOUNTY ***
1300.02(j) Hairy-Assed Civil Libertarian****************************7

Sedative Needed !!!

My wife's a paralegal in a large law firm. Took a large dose of sedative to stop her hysterical laughing !


I'm a paralegal too! (Unemployed right now, though) So you can imagine how much I enjoyed this. But like I said, ALL of the attorneys at the firm (all 200 of them) LOVED this one!!
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