Ask Kent Brockman

[Kent Brockman]

Kent Brockman will give concise, incisive answers to each and every question posed to him in this thread.

Go ahead.

Upgrade your life from -

>>>unfulfilled, gloom-enshrouded trudge to a lonely, painful, pitiful death<<<

to

<<<fresh, brisk POSITIVELY GAY jaunt through cherry tree-lined fields of BLOODY LAVENDER.

 

[jeisan]

how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

 

[den4]

If there is a time to be serious and a time not to be serious and this is not one of them, then what time is it?

 

[Kent Brockman]

Jeisan: Just the one lick if you deploy the infamously revolting (pat pending) "Kent Brockman French Lick"..ohh yeah baby, The French Connection..

den4: Is this one of those Greenwich Meridian things? I'm no astronomer. Another one of my many faults.

"There's time to s__t and a time for God The last s__t I took looked pretty f__kin' odd"

...from "The Shah sleeps in Lee Harvey's grave" [Surfers. Butthole]

next.

 

[m477]

Who killed Kaji?

 

[Kent Brockman]

Put this to google and was promptly flattened by a tectonic plate sized flotilla of geeks, a GIANT DORK WAR, all rabbiting on at once over "who killed Kaji". Ignorance is (was) bliss.

Well, this jaded haircaster says KAJI GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO HIM. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, and all that.

Therefore, by transitive property the answer to your question is-

"Kaji was killed by a consort forward slash sympathizer of KENT BROCKMAN".

next.

 

[jovial_jon]

Kent, what happened to Arnie Pie in the sky on the channel 6 news? he kept dropping bagels and stuff. Is he dead?

 

[Kent Brockman]

After one too mangled Brockman lunches, Arnie was "selected" for the "Witless Protection Programme" and was given a new identity.

He lives pleasantly and frugally in another state with his rather bewildered [also randomly selected] new wife and 2 children. He is gainfully employed working the night shift fitting shoe laces with their aglets. His true calling, we here in the studio have surmised.

Naturally, I am not at liberty to divulge any of this information over the internet. Instead dial 0210-9343-6669 and ask for "Ernie".


next.

 

[den4]

Where does Cutethulhu reside now?

 

[Kent Brockman]

Arnie's (ERNIE'S, ERNIE'S) pet fish? Not being familiar with the oceanography ("riverography"?) of Sacramento I would be hard pushed to give you a definitive answer... although it would not be entirely presumptious to presume that...

CUTETHULHU SWIMS WITH THE FISHES, MY FRIEND.


next.

 

[den4]

Hellfire! You mean that Cutethulhu is now with them fishy people of Dagon's ilk and is now keeping Urashimataro down in that underwater city now? No wonder haven't seen them Olde Ones of late....

 

[jovial_jon]

*puts hand up* I have another question:

who would win in a fight to the death out of Tony Blair and George Bush?

 

[Kent Brockman]

Nobody. Put them in a cage, explain the rules... and Blair would mewl and purr and "negotiate for a settlement" in that namby-pamby, purse-carrying Nancy-boy "ooh, ooh, Mumsy the silver spoon is chafing on my botty" voice until Shrub, in an exasperated fit, ripped out his own incisors and used them to slash his wrists...

Blair "wins" by default.

next.

 

[Kent Brockman]

...heyyyy... wait on... I explicitly remember selecting the flag of my proud homeland (ANGOLA) during registration... how and why has my wee flag devolved into the despised symbol of wartime death and pestilence and grievous bodily harm and mud and rice?

 

[jeisan]

change it then.

 

[den4]

Jeisan, that's a statement and not a question might confuse Kent

 

[jeisan]

well thats what he gets for asking a question when hes meant to be the one with all that answers.

 

[den4]

mebbe Kent has the answers for the answers he has but has questions for the ones he questions?

 

[Kent Brockman]

ANGOLA! STRONG AND FREE!

My "question" was merely a rumination...rhetorically tarted up, taken halfway around the block then left idling outside 7-11...

 

[den4]

Ah, then if it's idling outside the japanese 7-11, it probably went inside to get some oden or onigiri with some other items to help with the cold temperatures slowly coming down there....since japanese 7-11 don't serve slurpies or any of them other Amerikan-sized monster drinks and food items, chances are your question won't get bloated like a beached whale and have to sue Makudonarudos because it didn't know the golden arches' foods were potentially fattening...

 

[TyPe-ZeRo]

lol good one den4, i hate those people who sue Mc Donalds, just because they ate a few : Big Macs, Double Quarter Pounder with cheese and super sized fries one too many

Kent = Where's Iraq's weapons of mass destruction? also where's my Evangelion DVD's at?

 

[nikki_the_insane]

Ooo, questions! Okay first one.. Who died and made you knower of all worldly things? and, when are they coming out with the PS3?

 

[den4]

Where is the Iraqi Minister of Information or misinformation? haven't seen him lately....

 

[TyPe-ZeRo]

LMAO nice den4, that guy makes me mad he's all like

"Yes, we are driving the Americans out of Baghdad" and then you like seem him getting arrested or something the next minute "We are OVER COMMING THE AMERICAN FORCES!"

 

[den4]

OMG!
I was just checking the latest on this site:
http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/

and I saw this one, too!

We love Arnold!