- 15 Mar 2003
- 1,147
- 45
- 58
Just something I lifted from the newswires. Enjoy (nudge nudge)
...:[email protected]~
AP: Washington DC: October 1, 2003. The Office of the Attorney General of the United States, in cooperation with the Treasury Department, released an indictment today accusing the Japanese climate of 27 violations of Title 18, Section 333 of the United States Code. Section 333 provides penalties for mutilation, cuts, disfiguration, perforation, or any other action to any bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt issued by any national banking association, Federal Reserve Bank, or Federal Reserve System, with intent to render such item(s) unfit to be reissued.
The case against the climate of Japan was brought before the Justice Department when homeowner M. Lion, an American citizen living in Japan, discovered that all of the US legal currency he was storing in his home had been covered in a fine patina of mildew. According to several leading White House staffers, mildew is something not uncommon in foreign, humid, godless climates like Japan's. Based on this evidence and statements taken from witnesses, prosecutors decided to bring formal charges against the Japanese weather system.
The indictment reads, ﾂ"ﾂ…the United States has a vested interest in protecting all of its currency, no matter where on the globe it is held. In the new global security and economic environment, the US government will not tolerate attacks on its bank notes by forces of nature hostile to our continued prosperity.ﾂ"
When questioned on the logic of indicting a random, uncontrollable, and unintelligent natural phenomenon, a spokesperson for the Treasury Department said ﾂ"It is the principle of the matter. How far will we as a nation allow the very slow but steady and hostile physical degradation of our overseas currency continue?ﾂ"
Informed of the legal action against his nation's climate, the Japanese Ambassador in Washington D.C., Ryozo Kato, responded with ﾂ"We are saddened by this turn of events and hope that US-Japan relations will not suffer. If the allegations are true, I am sure the Prime Minister will not hesitate in taking swift punitive action against out regional weather system.ﾂ"
ﾂ"In all honesty, I don't know what the big deal is.ﾂ" Said Mr. Lion. ﾂ"All I had to do was wipe the bills down with a paper towel. They are all okay now.ﾂ"
If convicted, the climate of Japan faces up to 27,000 dollars in fines or no more than 162 months in federal prison.
...:[email protected]~
AP: Washington DC: October 1, 2003. The Office of the Attorney General of the United States, in cooperation with the Treasury Department, released an indictment today accusing the Japanese climate of 27 violations of Title 18, Section 333 of the United States Code. Section 333 provides penalties for mutilation, cuts, disfiguration, perforation, or any other action to any bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt issued by any national banking association, Federal Reserve Bank, or Federal Reserve System, with intent to render such item(s) unfit to be reissued.
The case against the climate of Japan was brought before the Justice Department when homeowner M. Lion, an American citizen living in Japan, discovered that all of the US legal currency he was storing in his home had been covered in a fine patina of mildew. According to several leading White House staffers, mildew is something not uncommon in foreign, humid, godless climates like Japan's. Based on this evidence and statements taken from witnesses, prosecutors decided to bring formal charges against the Japanese weather system.
The indictment reads, ﾂ"ﾂ…the United States has a vested interest in protecting all of its currency, no matter where on the globe it is held. In the new global security and economic environment, the US government will not tolerate attacks on its bank notes by forces of nature hostile to our continued prosperity.ﾂ"
When questioned on the logic of indicting a random, uncontrollable, and unintelligent natural phenomenon, a spokesperson for the Treasury Department said ﾂ"It is the principle of the matter. How far will we as a nation allow the very slow but steady and hostile physical degradation of our overseas currency continue?ﾂ"
Informed of the legal action against his nation's climate, the Japanese Ambassador in Washington D.C., Ryozo Kato, responded with ﾂ"We are saddened by this turn of events and hope that US-Japan relations will not suffer. If the allegations are true, I am sure the Prime Minister will not hesitate in taking swift punitive action against out regional weather system.ﾂ"
ﾂ"In all honesty, I don't know what the big deal is.ﾂ" Said Mr. Lion. ﾂ"All I had to do was wipe the bills down with a paper towel. They are all okay now.ﾂ"
If convicted, the climate of Japan faces up to 27,000 dollars in fines or no more than 162 months in federal prison.
