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About parasite singles.

misa.j

先輩
6 May 2004
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There have been many young women who live on their parents, don't want to get married, don't want to do house work, and have dead-end jobs in Japan.

They are called "parasite singles".

Many of you might have heard of them or seen them; they hang out with their girlfriends, go out to dinners, buy expensive designer clothing, jewelry with their parents' money. They don't want to get married because they don't want to be housewives who would have to wait for their drunken husbands to come home after midnight, or stay home and take care of their children by themselves which they think they would have to because their husbands wouldn't help them. They are very educated and traveled so being a housewife is not good enough.
Now, I understand that they seek for high standard in their lives which is good, but shame on them! What's wrong with housewives? I don't think having expensive clothes or brand bags can make their value higher. Why don't they like house work? I am happy that I can stay home and cook all day or do things around the house instead of going to a stressfull world outside. What are they going to do when their parents aren't around?

Any thoughts on this?
 
Well, there is nothing wrong with being a housewife, except if you don't want to be one. I can't see why there is anything wrong with them choosing not to be housewives if they don't want to. It is, after all, their lives.
 
I think it's unfair to apply the double-standard and completely ignore the many men who have decided to stay at home as well. They mooch just as much as their female counterparts instead of getting a self-supporting job and moving out. They also spend frivolous money on leisure activities and possibly their cars. I fail to see how that's any different?

Since birth rates are low, often the daughters are only children as well - they are just as pressured to care for their aging parents as sons are. In other cultures besides North American (where I'm from), single children often live late into their lives with their parents, saving on costs like rent or food.

One more thing: in the Japanese economy even as it recovers, my impression - although I may be wrong - is that women find it far more difficult to receive higher paying jobs in most industries, even with higher education. Ochakumi sorts of jobs (or part-time retail work) would certainly not provide enough money for them to eek out even a reasonable existence on their own in a 6-jyo apartment. And presumably at least a subset of parents let their children remain parasitic in exchange for their presence, if not companionship.

Oh, and aren't more young women learning to be part-time housekeepers at elderly folks' private homes and such? Again though, I wouldn't imagine that pays them well enough to strike out on their own, but...
 
Not all women were meant to be housewives, just as not all people were meant to be parents. Some people just aren't cut out to be parents, and it's unfortunate that many of those people still do.

I think the only difference is that it's considered acceptable in Japan for children (especially girls) to live with their parents into their 30's. But I don't know if it's really a bad thing.
 
I saw the term "Parachan" (which is what I guess you are referring to here) in a Time magazine (maybe) about 3 years ago. However, I have never heard anyone here using it. Am I just moving in the wrong circles, or is it coz I am in inaka?
 
As some mentioned, marriage doesn't neccessarily mean that women have to be housewives, however I guess actually there are many "Parasite Singles".

I also think it is happning in other countries as well even if it is on smaller scale than Japan's.
 
60 minutes(http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/60minutes/main3415.shtml) did a piece sometime ago, about Italian guys who lived with their parents. they called it "mammoni".
There is a story about it in The Christian Science Monitor: http://csmonitor.com/cgi-bin/durableRedirect.pl?/durable/2001/04/12/p22s1.htm

This is a slight different example, since some of these "mammoni" have their own houses and do work for a living, but they prefer having their food cooked and their colthes ironed by their moms, and their moms indulge them.
 
nekosasori made some good points.

I don't blame some women for not wanting to be housewives just like I don't blame some men for not wanting to become salarymen. Those kinds of lives aren't for everyone. But there is something truly pathetic about grown adults still hiding beneath the protective wings of their parents. If you don't want to be a housewife or a salaryman, that is fine. But I think you have to do SOMETHING productive and not just spend all your time consuming luxury goods with the money you save by having mommy and daddy pay all your bills for you. Go back to school, get a career you are interested in, go work overseas...there are so many options. I have absolutely zero respect for these people. They live in one of the richest societies on the planet with tons of opportunities and yet they shun all of that to just act as sponges. Totally pathetic.
 
Agreed, senseiman. If only I had the freedom that they had. I would easily be able to go back to school and further my education and I'd be able to get a good job and be out on my own! That sounds like heaven to me right now! As it is now, I will wait for my kids to all be in school full time before I go back to school. I will be 29, going on 30 by then. Oh my...that sounds scary... ☝
 
"senseiman" has made my point, and shame on me for criticizing them for not wanting to be married. I will take it back.

It is just sad that the parents of those singles don't realize that their children are so indulged, and they might have a trouble living on their own.

I also read that the Japanese men are starting to give up finding a true romance since the women became selective; they seek for love from online virtual women to get a quick satisfaction called "cybersex." (In a 2001 survey, Japan ranked last among 28 countries in the frequency of sex: the average Japanese had sex just 36 times a year, Hong Kong was next to last with 63, Americans ranked No.1 at 124 times a year)
Divorce rate is rising in Japan over the past decade, though it's well below the US rate.

I guess it really doesn't matter if the individuals are happy with the way they are, but I am not so sure how fulfilled those of who are materialistic, are inside...
 
Agreed, Kireina me, misa.

I think they might be able to get some sort of short term pleasure from living a life of leisure, but in the long run they are just setting themselves up for a life of misery. Someday they are going to find themselves old, alone and looking back on a lifetime without any accomplishments whatsoever. I imagine it'll come as quite a shock when their parents die and they find that the rest of society isn't willing to support them in the lifestyle they are accustomed to.

Seems crazy to have no ambition like that. I don't have any kids (yet) and I'm planning to go back to school too. Financially though, that is a big proposition for me and its going to be quite a commitment. I've been living on my own since I was 19, when I think of all the money I could have saved by spending the last 8 years not having to pay for rent, bills, food.....well, I'd sure be able to find a much better way to spend it than on brand bags or sports cars. That is for sure.
 
kirei_na_me said:
Agreed, senseiman. If only I had the freedom that they had. I would easily be able to go back to school and further my education and I'd be able to get a good job and be out on my own! That sounds like heaven to me right now! As it is now, I will wait for my kids to all be in school full time before I go back to school. I will be 29, going on 30 by then. Oh my...that sounds scary... ☝

With online education, it may not be the same but it is still a possibility and is getting more common nowaday. I still take classes myself and in fact I am taking one at the moment (It's a Distance Education from a University). Just an idea. 🙂 I have to work and support my family too but I take classes as time allows and the Distance Eduation program is perfect. I only have a two-year degree (Associates of Arts or A.A.) but will hopefully have my 4-year degree (B.A.) in a year or so.
 
Personally I've never been a parasite - I went away for university at 17 and started to support my living costs at that point onward, never came back home - and hope to never be one in future - but I don't really see the point in judging others without knowing their personal and unique situations. A blanket statement condemning everyone who looks like a "parasite single" does what? Pressures them into finding a different path in life? Inspires them to change how they've developed? Shames their parents into kicking them out? I'd say "none of the above". So what, we're feeling good about who we are by criticizing and generalizing others? What's the use?

I'm perhaps even more judgmental than the next person, but I think that "having zero respect" for people whom you'll never get to know is meaningless. There's plenty of "blame" to go around for how a subset of society turns out that way - including education systems and possibly most significant, the parents - and though I have plenty of issues with what I perceive to be the dysfunctions in Japanese society, I wouldn't be hypocritical enough to believe that western societies have fewer flaws and problems - just that the dysfunctions may be of a different nature than that which is found in Japan.

Incidentally, do we not see the same problem in Korea? Many single people in their 30s and 40s live with parents in the EU, although they may hold full-time permanent jobs. In their case, the costs of living also preclude their buying a house or apartment and it makes fiscal sense to do so. I strongly believe that happiness is something each of us has to seek in our own ways - personally, I don't find happiness in squandering money on anything (except maybe manga and good food ;-) ), but I don't think it's my prerogative or business to point fingers at anyone else and say "hey, they're pathetic because..."

Or do I feel this way because I'm fundamentally misanthropic? Let others wallow in their self-created hell. We all have issues, and we should all focus on dealing with our own situations before we go around denigrating others.
 
Don't get me wrong, neko, I'm sure every society has its share of 'parasites' (for lack of a better term) and this is by no means soleley a Japanese problem.

Judging people doesn't accomplish much, but I don't think anyone is posting on this message board in the hopes of 'saving' people from their life of mooching. Its not really accurate to say that we'll never 'get to know' these kinds of people either. I've known and even dated some of these parasite singles myself in the past and I'm sure everyone here has known at least one mooch in their lives. I suppose it would be harsh to judge people as individuals for being parasitic due to the myriad of social factors that may have led them into such a lifestyle. But as a class, I have absolutely no respect for this group. Rich people's kids who have never had to work a day in their lives in a world where something like half the population has to scratch by on a dollar a day? This is not a phenomenah that deserves much sympathy or understanding, IMHO.
 
misa.j said:
They are called "parasite singles".

Many of you might have heard of them or seen them; they hang out with their girlfriends, go out to dinners, buy expensive designer clothing, jewelry with their parents' money. They don't want to get married because they don't want to be housewives who would have to wait for their drunken husbands to come home after midnight, or stay home and take care of their children by themselves which they think they would have to because their husbands wouldn't help them. They are very educated and traveled so being a housewife is not good enough.
Now, I understand that they seek for high standard in their lives which is good, but shame on them! What's wrong with housewives? I don't think having expensive clothes or brand bags can make their value higher. Why don't they like house work? I am happy that I can stay home and cook all day or do things around the house instead of going to a stressfull world outside. What are they going to do when their parents aren't around?

Any thoughts on this?

Well, I'm 25 and I still live with my Mom. I don't want to get married yet but not for the reasons you state. Personally, taking care of my future husband and kids is a good thing and that there's nothing wrong with being a housewife. I think anyone can transcend from being a housewife to being a career woman too. My mom was a housewife for years but now she has a career of her own in real estate. I guess that's what made her value higher at least to us her children... 👍

PS: She is a single mom (my parents have been estranged since I was 13 or 14).
 
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