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My first blog

Well, I think I'm going to start doing blogs now and again, to express my feelings, talk about my experiences and what not. Generally to bore the crap out of anyone reading this. 😌
I'm going to start with a brief review of various tidbits of information about myself, so sorry if this isn't what a blog is supposed to be like (because I'm not really anyways...).
I'm at the stage of my life where I don't know what I want to do with my life, I feel like crap most of the time (well mainly just feeling tired) and I'm wondering if the decisions I'm making won't come back to bite me on my *** in 3-4 years time.
I'm a student in a London university where I'm doing an undergradute degree with foundation. I'm 22 years old, I was 21 when I started the course, why the huge gap between college and high school? (Or what we call here 'secondary school') Well first off I never went to college. In high school I was bullied and I was scared of the same thing being repeated in college, so instead I got a job and decided to take up smoking marijuana.
That right there was a major mistake in my life, I've done other stupid things before, but this decision veered my life right off track. You see from as far back as I could remember, life seemed to be a one way street, where you had to go through certain things no matter what; birth, nursery, primary school, secondary school, college, university, good paying job, marriage, kids, death. This was the way of a typical 'Iranian', because btw my mum is Iranian, making me somewhat Iranian, although my dad (who decided to take a stroll when my mum was pregnant and not come back) is part (but they were married, so don't get any wrong ideas about my mum) English and Irish, so technically I would be 'mixed', although people find that hard to accept because one of my parents wasn't black... ☺
Anyway as it turned out, I didn't become a typical Iranian boy, whether that has dissappointed my mum is hard to say, she says no (in the 'I'll love you no matter what you do sort of manner') not at all, but I'm not convinced really. I want to be a good son, she has done so much for me, raising a stupid ***** of a son by herself and not complaining about it... ok thats a lie. I want to provide a good life for her, but all I have is a part time job working in a crappy electronics store that makes me wonder how on God's green earth people could work all their lives in retail without blowing their heads off, but not before blowing off the heads of idiotic retards known as 'customers'. Obviously not all of them are bad, but when they treat you like crap to blow off steam from their day, it gets me quite angry. (Is it me or is 'blow off' used too much in that paragraph?) Anyway as I was saying, I want to help my mum out with the bills and so fourth, but I was stupid enough to start uni about 3-4 years too late, so I feel pretty useless.
Right well enough of that, let's go back to the decision thing I mentioned earlier. Well after I complete my exams which are in May, I have to decide what I want to do next year. I already put down Honours Computing, but I'm interested in Japanese so much I want to do it full time. However theres no benefit for me, I don't want to become a teacher or a translator for companies, I just can't see myself doing those things... or can I? I want an interesting job that I'll like doing or at least that I can stand to do, so I thought if I got into translating I can translate anime or manga or something like that, but what are the chances of getting those jobs and while I'm waiting around for those 'interesting jobs' what will become of my mum and me in the meantime? With computers theres almost guarenteed success, financially and maybe I could be quite satisfied. I mean I like computer work and doing something like maintaining a web site or doing web design could be cool. But that's the friggen word I hate, 'could', it could be anything, but I don't know and paying ≫??145 for the first year of a degree I find out 3 months later I don't want to do would be quite a punch in the gut. I know many people would be like 'well do the computer degree now and Japanese during it on the side' and even though that sounds pretty 'logical', what are the chances I could keep that up? Especially if I get into my second year, which I heard is when they really try to get you thinking of suicide. Maybe by then I would know enough Japanese that things wouldn't be so bad, maybe not. As I did mention earlier, life was a one way street for me, until I decided I was too scared to go forward, now I have to go forward or I'll be left so far behind I would have wasted my youth (if I have not done so already...)
If you have read through that...why? Lol kidding. Thanks for reading my first blog, I promise if I do make another one it won't be as messy.
:wave:

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Jericho Desu
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