The other day a coworker told me that I must be looking forward to spending my first New Year's with my wife. What a reminder that most people still don't know that I'm divorced.
Eventually it will work its way through the grapevine, I'm sure, and although no one will talk about it, there will be a general understanding that bringing up my wife as a topic of conversation is taboo. However it is apparent to me that that day has not yet arrived.
Actually I don't mind talking about my ex-wife. I just don't like talking about my "wife". I may be full of bs, but I hate to lie, so talking as if I still had a wife always makes me very uncomfortable. I am truly thankful that she doesn't come up as a topic of conversation very often, but when she does.....oh boy.
First of all, I will not make up new information, so that puts me in an uncomfortable spot. What's she been up to lately? Well, work and the internet I guess. Who does the cooking? Yeah, I do. Any plans for children? Well, she wants kids right away, but I want to wait until everything settles down, so not in the immediate future. Same things I've been saying since before we got married...
Also I don't like the idea that I'm leading them on. Although I don't bring her up, when someone else does, rarely am I in a position to outright say, "Sorry, but we're divorced." Instead I have to respond as if we're still together until I can find a way to derail the conversation to something else.
Like the other day.
"Well, I don't know if 'looking forward' is the proper term, but......what are your plans for New Year's?"
And then there's this woman who likes to showcase the only English she knows.
"(Is) your wife beautiful?"
She's so cute when she asks that, I couldn't bear to tell her the truth, so all I can say is,
"Of course!"
Luckily for me, the conversation usually ends there, as we only ever really see each other in passing.
Why not just tell everyone? Good question. I wish it were so simple.
I have no illusions of grandeur, but the truth is, I am a somewhat public figure in the local community. In the city I work at (a city of something like 40,000) at least a good quarter of the people know me or of me. Becoming part of the city's gossip mill would not be a pleasant thing, and it would be rather distracting.
So here comes New Years and New Year's cards.
I am stuck.
Do I send cards with only my name or do I write in my ex-wife's name, too, to keep up appearances? I don't want to use her name, but I don't want to deal with the fall-out of not using her name, either.
Maybe no one will notice....
Eventually it will work its way through the grapevine, I'm sure, and although no one will talk about it, there will be a general understanding that bringing up my wife as a topic of conversation is taboo. However it is apparent to me that that day has not yet arrived.
Actually I don't mind talking about my ex-wife. I just don't like talking about my "wife". I may be full of bs, but I hate to lie, so talking as if I still had a wife always makes me very uncomfortable. I am truly thankful that she doesn't come up as a topic of conversation very often, but when she does.....oh boy.
First of all, I will not make up new information, so that puts me in an uncomfortable spot. What's she been up to lately? Well, work and the internet I guess. Who does the cooking? Yeah, I do. Any plans for children? Well, she wants kids right away, but I want to wait until everything settles down, so not in the immediate future. Same things I've been saying since before we got married...
Also I don't like the idea that I'm leading them on. Although I don't bring her up, when someone else does, rarely am I in a position to outright say, "Sorry, but we're divorced." Instead I have to respond as if we're still together until I can find a way to derail the conversation to something else.
Like the other day.
"Well, I don't know if 'looking forward' is the proper term, but......what are your plans for New Year's?"
And then there's this woman who likes to showcase the only English she knows.
"(Is) your wife beautiful?"
She's so cute when she asks that, I couldn't bear to tell her the truth, so all I can say is,
"Of course!"
Luckily for me, the conversation usually ends there, as we only ever really see each other in passing.
Why not just tell everyone? Good question. I wish it were so simple.
I have no illusions of grandeur, but the truth is, I am a somewhat public figure in the local community. In the city I work at (a city of something like 40,000) at least a good quarter of the people know me or of me. Becoming part of the city's gossip mill would not be a pleasant thing, and it would be rather distracting.
So here comes New Years and New Year's cards.
I am stuck.
Do I send cards with only my name or do I write in my ex-wife's name, too, to keep up appearances? I don't want to use her name, but I don't want to deal with the fall-out of not using her name, either.
Maybe no one will notice....