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Would you please check my sentences?

hirashin

Sempai
Donor
8 Apr 2004
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Dear native English teachers,
would you please correct my sentences if needed?

1 As the old saying goes, practice makes perfect.
2 According to the newspaper, this university was established more than two hundred years ago.
3 While I was in Kyoto , I tried to visit as many temples as possible.
4 The company has a lot of branch offices around the world.
5 Overeating is a major problem in many developed countries.
6 Jet lag is a common experience when you go abroad by plane.
7 Both Tom and Mike are motivated to learn Japanese because they want to visit Japan.
8 Our challenge is to make the world a better place without wars.
9 His winning three gold medals is a great achievement.
10 I introduced Tom to Mike at the party.
11 These are common mistakes among Japanese people.
12 People in my/the neighborhood often have parties at/in their homes/houses.
13 Come/Get here as early as possible tomorrow.
14 The company has more than one/a thousand branch offices in/around the world.
15 Someone spread the rumor to the whole town.

Thanks in advance.

Hirashin
 
Our challenge is to make the world a better place without wars.
This reads like you are challenging someone else to do so, which I don't think was your intended meaning. If you're talking about why something is difficult, it would be like this:

The challenge is to make the world a better place without wars.

And if you're just talking about an outcome you want to achieve, this is what you want:

Our goal is to make the world a better place without wars.

His winning three gold medals is a great achievement.
I think this is fine, but I much prefer one of these:

Him winning three gold medals is a great achievement.
Winning three gold medals is a great achievement for him.
His obtainment of three gold medals is a great achievement.


I have no comments on the others, they're all perfect.
 
In British English it would be more colloquial to say:
No.6 Jet lag is a common experience when you fly abroad.

No. 7 Someone spread the rumour around the whole town

Loose the u in rumour for US standard spelling of course
 
I should have added
With 7, whilst it is correct to say a rumour spreads generally, we also tend to say a rumour circulates around a thing, and since you are specifically mentioning the town, 'around' works better.
 
Thank you for the help, Stavecrow.

You are from Britain.
What do you think about 9?
Do you agree with Julimaruchan?
I'd also like to hear your opinion as a British person. (Please correct this sentence if needed.)
 
Yes I'm from just outside London so I tend to speak with a London/Kentish dialect and accent.

As far as "challenge" and "goal" are concerned I agree 'challenge' is about the process, 'goal' refers to the aim, but I could quite see a politician saying "Our challenge" because it implies pulling together to achieve something

As far as British English (London based),dialect is concerned:
In 10 I would use 'and' rather than 'to'

In 11 I might use 'amongst' but I suspect that sounds very British to most US English speakers

In 13 I might use 'soon' rather than 'early' - but 'early' is more precise

And in 14 I would use 'a thousand' rather than 'one thousand'
 
Hmm...Interesting. Thanks for the help, Stavecrow.

How about this?
Him winning three gold medals is a great achievement.
Winning three gold medals is a great achievement for him.
His obtainment of three gold medals is a great achievement.

Do British people also prefer to say those than my version "His winning three gold medals is a great achievement"?
 
"His winning" sounds fine to me,
You could say "His winning of three gold medals" that is more precise but we truncate the sentence normally
 
Loose the u in rumour for US standard spelling of course
And lose one of the o's in "Loose" for standard spelling in any English-speaking country.

...

"His winning three gold medals is a great achievement." is natural English, and perfectly fine.
 
9 His winning three gold medals is a great achievement.

This is perfectly fine.
I could go on eBay right now and ' obtain ' three gold medals. It's different to win a gold medal than it is to obtain a gold medal.
 
Thanks, Bunkerhill. Would you explain how "obtain a gold medal" is different than "win a gold medal"? Do you also say "get a gold medal"?
 
Certainly, Hirashin.

You ' win a gold medal ' for an achievement. An Olympic athlete can win a gold medal in a competition. It is a great achievement accomplished after a lot of hard work, training and preparation. It is also a very difficult accomplishment.

To ' obtain a gold medal ' can be done in different ways but does not indicate or include hard work, training, preparation or even accomplishment. I could purchase a gold medal on eBay, I could inherit one from a relative and in both instances I have ' obtained a gold medal ' but I sure didn't ' win a gold medal '.

I hope I have helped rather than confused you!
 
Thanks for the explanation, Bunkerhill. Would " get a gold medal" be the same as "obtain a gold medal"?
 
Hello Hirashin. Pretty much the same. Although both are a little awkward in a sentence.
' I will attend the antique show and get a gold medal '
and
' I will attend the antique show and obtain a gold medal ' work but seem very odd.

Same thing with ' I will compete in the Olympics and get a gold medal ' works but seems very odd.

In the first example you would more likely use the word ' buy ' or ' purchase '.

' I will attend the antique show and buy a gold medal ' and ' I will attend the antique show and purchase a gold medal ' makes far more sense and sounds perfectly normal.
 
My pleasure, Hirashin. If I can be of any help in the future please feel free to contact me.

I wish you the best of luck!
 
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