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The Japanese spouse and with a gaijin spouse

musicisgood

Sempai
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Any of you fit this description? If so, how soon was it to you that you found out that life in Japan might not be up to par to what you may have imagined.
I think one of the first things that I encountered was that I lost being in control of my destiny here. That happened on my 3 rd day here in Japan.
What I mean by that is that my Japanese wife took total control of everything, which was wrong as years later I found out.
Life is short.
 
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Any of you fit this description? If so, how soon was it to you that you found out that life in Japan might not be up to par to what you may have imagined.
I think one of the first things that I encountered was that I lost being in control of my destiny here. That happened on my 3 rd day here in Japan.
What I mean by that is that my Japanese wife took total control of everything, which was wrong as years later I found out.
Life is short.
I think a lot of foreigners allow their Japanese partners to control everything for them, as they are too lazy to learn the Japanese way of life and as a result their life is not as they had imagined it would be, this also applies to foreign businesses and corporations who do not understand how to do business within the Japanese market place.

Additionally I would go as far as saying that many feel that to adopt the Japanese way of life would result in them losing some thing, when they have far more to gain by working within the conformity of the Japanese way of life, they only lose because they refuse to learn, understand, accept and live.

But more importantly, one of the reasons a Japanese wife would control a foreign husband, is because he does not understand his role/place in the marriage which is that of Head of the household/Family and master.

Think about this, in July 2012 the government abolished the Alien Registration system and included all foreigners on the Japanese residence system, as a result it was the first time in history that a foreign man could be listed on the Juminhyo as the Head of the Household and therefore the Head of the Family.

Foreign men have no excuse not to succeed in Japan, because Japan is still a man's country.
 
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Been here 20 years and married to a Japanese for almost all of that. Your description of a lost life has never been a part of mine.
 
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Have you read or seen The Woman in the Dunes?

I've given at least a few minutes to thinking how analogous my life here might be to that story--what might (or might not) be similar...
 
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If you want to cut to the chase (NSFW), click up to about an hour in.

Pretty risqué for '64. And all that sand during the act...?!?!

(and hey, anything to derail @jt9258 )

(and if it says "unavailable" go to youtube and google the title)
 
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Well, you don't need to get married to live in Japan.
Stay 5 years on a work visa and then get naturalized.
After that you're free to do anything you want.
Personally I chose to never get married and never have kids. Now at 47 I still think I've made the right choice.


Any of you fit this description? If so, how soon was it to you that you found out that life in Japan might not be up to par to what you may have imagined.
I think one of the first things that I encountered was that I lost being in control of my destiny here. That happened on my 3 rd day here in Japan.
What I mean by that is that my Japanese wife took total control of everything, which was wrong as years later I found out.
Life is short.
 

mdchachi

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Well, you don't need to get married to live in Japan.
Stay 5 years on a work visa and then get naturalized.
After that you're free to do anything you want.
Personally I chose to never get married and never have kids. Now at 47 I still think I've made the right choice.
I think most don't plan to stay in Japan. It's usually a consequence from other life choices. Certainly it's a great place to be single. My 20s spent in Japan were great but it went by far too fast.
 
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A great bonus in Japan is that you can remain in your 20's much longer than any other country since there is less age discrimination when you're a guy. It's not uncommon to see couples with a 20 years difference. Guys like me who aren't into mariage/kid are forced to date much younger women. The ones in their 40's are often in "mariage rush" as they feel they don't have enough time left. Pretty sad.

I think most don't plan to stay in Japan. It's usually a consequence from other life choices. Certainly it's a great place to be single. My 20s spent in Japan were great but it went by far too fast.
 
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If you want to cut to the chase (NSFW), click up to about an hour in.

Pretty risqué for '64. And all that sand during the act...?!?!

(and hey, anything to derail @jt9258 )

(and if it says "unavailable" go to youtube and google the title)
Not sure how the movie was to derail me, has not changed anything.
 
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I think one of the first things that I encountered was that I lost being in control of my destiny here. That happened on my 3 rd day here in Japan.
That's really not what happened. You handed over control. You can take back control (of yourself) at any time. Your's is an optional prison. If only I could show you what I've seen, like a movie reel. Some of the guys I met in Japan, foreigners, had done so damn well, and were so in control, it was ridiculous. One guy was the same age as me and had previously arrived on a working holiday visa like I had and was doing crazy well and was in total control of his life (despite having a woman & kids). Hint: every single one of them started their own businesses, none of them were English teaching employees.

I think a lot of foreigners allow their Japanese partners to control everything for them, as they are too lazy to learn the Japanese way of life and as a result their life is not as they had imagined it would be
Yep, a lot of "powerlessness" is just due to laziness.

Have you read or seen The Woman in the Dunes
I loved that movie
 
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