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Kiuto

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2 Oct 2016
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Hello everyone,

I wrote some lyrics in japanese for a song and I just wanted to ask if you see big mistakes in my translations.
I put what I wanted to say in english also to better understand.
There are also some sentences which are mixing english and japanese so I just wanted to know if it wasn't too weird.
Thanks in advance for your help anyway !

Lyrics :

大丈夫そう?// Are you alright?

僕らから to this audio // From us to this audio
何が怖がっているの?// What are you afraid of?

話してよ even through a walkie-talkie // Talk to me even through a walkie-talkie
Girl いつもそばにいるよ // Girl I will always be there for you

なんて美しい町なんだろ // What a beautiful city

- All of that part below is more like a memory -

彼女はほほに涙を流しながら俺を見た // She looked at me with tears running down her cheeks
「出来ないわ!」// I can't do it! (by the girl in question)
人生楽しいことばかりじゃないんだよ // Life isn't all roses and sunshine
なんと辛い最後だろう // What a bitter end!

風がおだやかになった // The wind calmed down
あのドレスは彼女によく似合った // That dress really suited her
左の手首に蛇の入れ墨がついている // A tattoo of a snake on the left wrist
約束は破られるためにある // Promises are made to be broken
 
大丈夫そう?// Are you alright?
大丈夫そう? can work in a context, but 大丈夫? is more common for "Are you alright?".

何が怖がっているの?// What are you afraid of?
It should be 何怖がっているの? or 何が怖いの?

彼女はほほに涙を流しながら俺を見た // She looked at me with tears running down her cheeks
ほほに sounds redundant.
The first person pronoun should be unified if 俺 is the same person as 僕.

あのドレスは彼女によく似合った // That dress really suited her
似合って(い)

左の手首に蛇の入れ墨がついている // A tattoo of a snake on the left wrist
The English version is a noun clause, so speaking strictly, it's 左の手首の蛇の入れ墨.
 
Thanks for your help!

大丈夫そう? can work in a context, but 大丈夫? is more common for "Are you alright?".

OK.

It should be 何怖がっているの? or 何が怖いの?

OK.

似合って(い)

OK.

ほほに sounds redundant.
The first person pronoun should be unified if 俺 is the same person as 僕.

I thought 僕ら meant "we/us" whereas I use 俺 for "I" (as a man).

The English version is a noun clause, so speaking strictly, it's 左の手首の蛇の入れ墨.

Hum. Understood. And if I want to say "There is a tattoo of a snake on the left wrist".
Does my sentence work?
 
OK. For information, what would be the translation of the sentence using the verb ついている ?
 
"To be attached" or like that. The point is not the meaning of the verb but the fact that the verb can't be used for tattoo, though.
 
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